TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
 

TRIVIA:   HALLOWEEN
 

Orange and black are the colors of Halloween because orange is associated with the fall harvest and black is the color of darkness. Jack o'lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed candles in hollowed-out turnips to keep away spirits and ghosts on the Samhain holiday. For a twist on the traditional jack o'lantern, why not carve a white, blue or green pumpkin! Tootsie Rolls were the first wrapped penny candy in America. Halloween candy sales average about two billion dollars per year. Chocolate bars top the list as the most popular treat with Snickers being number 1. The ancient Celts thought that spirits and ghosts roamed the countryside on Halloween night, so they began wearing masks and costumes to avoid being recognized as human. Blackwere once thought to protect witches. Halloween is the second most commercially successful holiday; Christmas is number one. Some people believe that if you see a spider on Halloween, it is the spirit of a loved one watching over you. Vampire bats really do exist, but they are not from Transylvania.  They live in Central and South America and feed on the blood of cattle, horses and birds. The North American common brown bat has the longest life-span of any mammal it's size -- about 32 years! The movie "Halloween" was filmed in only 21 days in 1978 on a very limited budget.  The movie was shot during the spring and used fake autumn leaves.  Also, while the film is set in Illinois, all the cars have California license plates. The tradition of bobbing for apples came from the Romans. According to superstition, if you stare into a mirror at midnight on Halloween, you will see your future spouse. According to the National Retail Federation's Halloween Consumer Intentions and Actions Survey, the most popular Halloween costume in 2004 was Spiderman, with 2.15 million children dressing as their favorite superhero. Other popular costumes included princesses (1.8 million children), witches (1.3 million) and vampires (899,000). The world's record for biggest pumpkin is currently held by a gigantic gourd weighing a whopping 1,385 pounds! Samhainophobia refers to an abnormal and persistent fear of Halloween. This time of year may also stir up other phobias such as the fear of: cats (ailurophobia), witches (wiccaphobia), ghosts (phasmophobia), spiders (arachnophobia), the dark (nyctophobia), and cemeteries (coimetrophobia).

QUOTES:   HALLOWEEN STYLE

 

As spirits roam the neighborhoods at night, Let loose upon the Earth till it be light...      ~Nicholas Gordon, poemsforfree.com I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.       ~Author Unknown Pixie, kobold, elf, and sprite, All are on their rounds tonight; In the wan moon's silver ray, Thrives their helter-skelter play.      ~Joel Benton A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.       ~Erma Bombeck Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October’s days.       ~Author Unknown Halloween wraps fear in innocence, As though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat...      ~Nicholas Gordon, poemsforfree.com Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.       ~Steve Almond At first cock-crow the ghosts must go Back to their quiet graves below.      ~Theodosia Garrison 'Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out  Contagion to this world.      ~William Shakespeare When witches go riding, and black cats are seen, the moon laughs and whispers, ‘tis near Halloween.      ~Author Unknown Bring forth the raisins and the nuts- Tonight All-Hallows' Spectre struts Along the moonlit way.      ~John Kendrick Bangs From ghoulies and ghosties And long-leggedy beasties And things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!      ~Scottish Saying This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask.  And the best part?  With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.       ~Conan O'Brien 'Tis the night - the night Of the grave's delight, And the warlocks are at their play; Ye think that without The wild winds shout, But no, it is they - it is they.      ~Arthur Cleveland Coxe One need not be a chamber to be haunted; One need not be a house; The brain has corridors surpassing Material place.      ~Emily Dickinson Those seemingly interminable dark walks between houses, long before street-lit safety became an issue, were more adrenalizing than the mountains of candy filling the sack.  Sadly Halloween, with our good-natured attempts to protect the little ones, from the increasingly dangerous traffic and increasingly sick adults, has become an utter bore.       ~Lauren Springer Where there is no imagination there is no horror.       ~Arthur Conan Doyle, Sr. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.       ~George Carlin If a man harbors any sort of fear, it makes him landlord to a ghost.       ~Lloyd Douglas Men say that in this midnight hour, The disembodièd have power To wander as it liketh them, By wizard oak and fairy stream.      ~William Motherwell Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with.  C.B. is such a loser.  He wasn't even  the star of his own Halloween special.       ~Chris Rock Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much sweetness as one can  possibly want and hold.       ~Judith Olney Backward, turn backward, O Time, in your flight make me a child again just for to-night!      ~Elizabeth Akers Allen You wouldn't believe On All Hallow Eve What lots of fun we can make, With apples to bob, And nuts on the hob, And a ring-and-thimble cake.      ~Carolyn Wells On Hallowe'en the thing you must do Is pretend that nothing can frighten you And if somethin' scares you and you want to run Just let on like it's Hallowe'en fun.      ~Author Unknown Clothes make a statement.  Costumes tell a story.       ~Mason Cooley Proof of our society's decline is that Halloween has become a broad daylight  event for many.       ~Robert Kirby There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask.       ~Colette

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:

Ten Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween  1.  You get winded from knocking on the door  2.  You have to have someone chew the candy for you  3.  You ask for high fiber candy only.  4.  When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.  5.  People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.  6.  When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and you can't remember the rest.  7.  By the end of the night you have a bag full of restraining orders.  8.  You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hair piece.  9.  You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. 10. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

 
 
 

A young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood and perched himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Before long, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He was tired and needing a rest, so he told them to please leave him alone. However, it was clear that he wasn't going to get any sleep until he satisfied their curiosity. "OK!" he said with exasperation, "follow me," and he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him. Down through the valley they went, across the river and into the deep forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"

 
 
 
 

Halloween handouts The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween Handouts     1. Spinach flavored Rice Cakes.     2. Teeth removing Taffy     3. Metamucil in a straw     4. Ex-Lax Brownies     5. Caramel Covered Zucchini     6. Colored Crisco on a Stick     7. Hot steaming bowl of pumpkin guts     8. Chocolate Covered Prunes     9. A Handful of Red Man   10. Anything that ticks!

GROANERS:
 

The Monk   This one from Harold Pepperman. A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down.  Do you think I could stay the night?"  The Monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound -- a sound unlike anything he's ever heard before.  The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship come to his mind.  He doesn't sleep that night.  He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such an intriguing and seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the Monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you.  You're not a Monk."  Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.  The Monks reply, "We can't tell you.  You're not a Monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a Monk, then please, make me a Monk." The Monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand.  When you find these answers, you will have become a Monk." The man sets about his task. After years of searching, he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery.  A Monk answers.  He is taken before a gathering of all the Monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I travelled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change.  Only God knows what you ask.  All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception." The Monks reply, "Congratulations.  You have become a Monk.  We shall now show o w you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The Monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The Monks give him the key, and he opens the door.  Behind the wooden door is another door, made of stone.  The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.  And so it goes that he needs keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold.  The sound has become very clear and definite. The Monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."  The man is apprehensive to no end.  His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open.  Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound.  But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Monk.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church.  I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away." Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic.   I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine and made them members of the church.........Haven't seen one back since!"

 
 
 

Chased by a Coffin A man is walking home alone late on Halloween night. It's dark, and the streetlights are out. Suddenly, he hears BUMP!    BUMP!   BUMP! Behind him. He walks faster, but the sound keeps coming. BUMP!   BUMP!   BUMP! Worried he is being followed, he glances behind him and through the darkness, and he can just see an upright coffin. No one seems to be holding the coffin; it's just bumping down the street behind him. The man is scared. He's sure it's following him! In an effort to shake it off, her turns a corner. To his relief, the sound stops. He keeps walking but before a minute has passed, he hears the familiar sound behind him again: BUMP!   BUMP!   BUMP! He is terrified! He starts to run towards his home, but the faster he runs, the faster the coffin bounces along behind him! Bumpity BUMP!   Bumpity BUMP!   Bumpity BUMP! He pushes open his front gate, and runs up the path, fumbling for his keys. The coffin reaches the gate and effortlessly pushes it open. It's right behind him!!! Finally his shaking hands manage to unlock his front door. He has no time to slam it behind him; the coffin is right on his heels! He rushes up the stairs, praying the coffin cannot climb after him. BUMP!   BUMP!   BUMP! The coffin pauses at the bottom of the stairs. The man breathes a sigh of relief but ... clappity BUMP...clappity BUMP...clappity BUMP... The coffin is now climbing the stairs behind him. He runs to the bathroom perhaps he can lock himself in there! His heart pounds and his lungs hurt with the exertion of running for his life! He has only just latched the bathroom door when ... CRASH!!! The coffin breaks through the bathroom door! What can he do? The coffin is nearly upon him! He reaches out for something heavy that he can throw at the coffin, and his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of cough syrup. Desperately, he throws the cough syrup as hard as he can at the coffin and ....finally the coffin stops!!

 
 
 

There once was a witch that put a curse upon a man named Benny.  She told him that he had to grow a beard because if he ever shaved he would be turned into pottery. Well, Benny didn't believe it, so the next morning he got up and shaved.  As soon as he put down the razor, POOF, he was turned into a vase. Which goes to show you, A Benny Shaved is a Benny Urned.

 
 
 

Hans and Stein were playing in their yard in Zurich when one of the boys accidentally swallowed a coin and started choking. Hans ran inside to get help, yelling "Mom! Dad! Come quick! There's a franc in Stein!"

 
 
 

This guy goes to a Halloween party with a girl on his back. "What on earth are you?" asks the host.  "I'm a snail," says the guy.  "But...  you have a girl on your back," replies the host.  "Yeah, he says, "that's Michelle!"

 
 
 

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?  It had no guts...  How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?  With scare spray... What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend? Ouch...  How do monsters tell their future?  They read their horrorscope... What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck...  Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?  No, they eat the fingers separately...  Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?  Because they don't have any body to go out with...  What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?  Booberries...  What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?  Halloweenies...  What is a vampire's favorite sport?  Casketball...  What is a vampire's favorite holiday?  Fangsgiving...  Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?  To improve his bite...  What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite...  What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?  A boo boo...  Why do witches use brooms to fly on?  Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...  What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?  Decoffinated...  What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?  Shrinkenstein...  What is a baby ghost's favorite game?  Peekaboo...  What did one ghost say to the other ghost?  "Do you believe in people?"  What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer...  Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?  They're too wrapped up in themselves...  What kind of streets do zombies like the best?  Dead ends...  What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?  Fasten your sheet belts...  What do ghouls eat for breakfast?  Ghost toasties with evaporated milk.  What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?  A blood vessel...  What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?  A scareplane...  What type of dog do vampire's like the best?  Bloodhounds...  What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?  Lemon-slime...  What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?  A stake sandwich...  What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?  A trombone...  What do birds give out on Halloween night?  Tweets...  Why do vampires need mouthwash?  They have bat breath...  What's a vampire's favorite fast food?  A guy with very high blood pressure...  Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation...  Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?  He couldn't find any dloob...  Did you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7? hehehehe...  Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was buttering up his teacher...  What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner? The cold shoulder...  Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the jungle? What do you get when you goose a ghost?  A handful of sheet...  What kind of car does a ghost drive? A Boo-ick...  What did the mother ghost say to her son? Don't spook unless you are spooken to...  What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo...  Why did the ghost pick his nose? Because he had boogers...  What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boojeans...  Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on a coffinbreak...  What do skeletons say before eating? Bone Appétit...  What does a child monster call his parents? Mummy and Deady...  Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets? At bootiques...  What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park? The roller ghoster...  What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl? Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot...  What fairy tale do ghosts like best? Sleeping booty...  What kind of spirits serve food on a plane? Airline ghostesses...  What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers? High spirits...  Why did the skeleton climb a tree? Because a dog was after its bones...  How do you make a witch scratch? Just take away the W...  Where do ghosts go swimming?  The dead sea... Why was the witch's cat giggling? Because it was a giggle puss...  What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween...  What do you call a skeleton stone age family? The Flintbones...  What did the witch say to the midget vampire skeleton?  Bony little bloodsucker, aren't you?...  What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost? One catches his dinner, the other one loses it...  Did you hear about the new Dracula doll?  Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck...  What did the t.v.  news reporter say to the ghost?  Everyone dead!  Boos at 11...  What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?  Veinilla...  Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?  Because it has boogers...  What did the three vampires order at the bar?  Two bloods and a blood light...  How did the priest make holy water?  He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it...  What do you give a vampire with a cold?  Coffindrops... What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?  A pumpkin patch...  What kind of shoes do ghosts from Texas wear?  Boots...  Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?  He only had one pupil...  Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?  Because he's a pain in the neck...  Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor?  Napoleon Boneaparte...  Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game?  They couldn't find their bats...  What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?  Pumpkin pi...  Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?  Benjamin Franklinstein...  What did the skeleton say to the bartender?  I'll have two beers and a mop...  What did the mummy say to the detective?  Let's wrap this case up...  Why was the witch kicked out of witching school?  Because she flunked spelling... When a witch lands after flying, where does she park?  The broom closet...  Where was satan's son born ?  Deathlehem...  Why can't skeletons play music in church?  Because they have no organs...  How do you tell twin witches apart?  You can't tell which which is which...  What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?  A Poultrygeist...

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