KCNET NEWSLETTER
 FUN PAGE
 08/19/07  &  08/26/07


TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
 
TRIVIA:
PENNSYLVANIA ON THE EVE OF COLONIZATION
Indians: The First Inhabitants
When first discovered by Europeans, Pennsylvania, like the rest of the continent, was inhabited by groups of American Indians, people of Mongoloid ancestry unaware of European culture. The life of the Indians reflected Stone Age backgrounds, especially in material arts and crafts. Tools, weapons and household equipment were made from stone, wood, and bark. Transportation was on foot or by canoe. Houses were made of bark, clothing from the skins of animals. The rudiments of a more complex civilization were at hand in the arts of weaving, pottery, and agriculture, although hunting and food gathering prevailed. Some Indians formed confederacies such as the League of the Five Nations, which was made up of certain New York-Pennsylvania groups of Iroquoian speech. The other large linguistic group in Pennsylvania was the Algonkian, represented by the Delawares, Shawnees, and other tribes.

The Delawares
The Delawares, calling themselves Leni-Lenape or "real men," originally occupied the basin of the Delaware River and were the most important of several tribes that spoke an Algonkian language. Under the pressure of white settlement, they began to drift westward to the Wyoming Valley, to the Allegheny and, finally, to eastern Ohio. Many of them took the French side in the French and Indian War, joined in Pontiac's War, and fought on the British side in the Revolutionary War. Afterward, some fled to Ontario and the rest wandered west. Their descendants now live on reservations in Oklahoma and Ontario. The Munsees were a division of the Delawares, who lived on the upper Delaware River, above the Lehigh River.

The Susquehannocks
The Susquehannocks were a powerful Iroquoian-speaking tribe who lived along the Susquehanna in Pennsylvania and Maryland. An energetic people living in Algonkian-speaking tribes' territory, they engaged in many wars. In the end, they fell victim to new diseases brought by European settlers, and to attacks by Marylanders and by the Iroquois, which destroyed them as a nation by 1675. A few descendants were among the Conestoga Indians who were massacred in 1763 in Lancaster County.

The Shawnees
The Shawnees were an important Algonkian-speaking tribe who came to Pennsylvania from the west in the 1690s, some groups settling on the lower Susquehanna and others with the Munsees near Easton. In the course of time they moved to the Wyoming Valley and the Ohio Valley, where they joined other Shawnees who had gone there directly. They were allies of the French in the French and Indian War and of the British in the Revolution, being almost constantly at war with settlers for forty years preceding the Treaty of Greenville in 1795. After Wayne's victory at Fallen Timbers (1794), they settled near the Delawares in Indiana, and their descendants now live in Oklahoma.

The Iroquois
The Iroquois Confederacy of Iroquoian-speaking tribes, at first known as the Five Nations, included the Mohawks, Oneidas, Onondagas, Cayugas, and Senecas. After about 1723 when the Tuscaroras from the South were admitted to the confederacy, it was called the Six Nations. The five original tribes, when first known to Europeans, held much of New York State from Lake Champlain to the Genesee River. From this central position they gradually extended their power. As middlemen in the fur trade with the western Indians, as intermediaries skilled in dealing with the whites, and as the largest single group of Indians in northeastern America, they gained influence over Indian tribes from Illinois and Lake Michigan to the eastern seaboard. During the colonial wars their alliance or their neutrality was eagerly sought by both the French and the British. The Senecas, the westernmost tribe, established villages on the upper Allegheny in the 1730s. Small groups of Iroquois also scattered westward into Ohio and became known as Mingoes. During the Revolution, most of the Six Nations took the British side, but the Oneidas and many Tuscaroras were pro-American. Gen. John Sullivan's expedition up the Susquehanna River and Gen. Daniel Brodhead's expedition up the Allegheny River laid waste to their villages and cornfields in 1779 and disrupted their society. Many who had fought for the British moved to Canada alter the Revolution, but the rest worked out peaceful relations with the United States under the leadership of such chiefs as Cornplanter. The General Assembly recognized this noted chief by granting him a tract of land on the upper Allegheny in 1791.

Other Tribes
Other Tribes, which cannot be identified with certainty, occupied western Pennsylvania before the Europeans arrived, but were eliminated by wars and diseases in the 17th century, long before the Delawares, Shawnees and Senecas began to move there. The Eries, a great Iroquoian-speaking tribe, lived along the south shore of Lake Erie, but were wiped out by the Iroquois about 1654. The Mahicans, an Algonkian-speaking tribe related to the Mohegans of Connecticut, lived in the upper Hudson Valley of New York but were driven out by pressure from the Iroquois and from the white settlers, some joining the Delawares in the Wyoming Valley about 1730 and some settling at Stockbridge, Massachusetts. Two Algonkian-speaking tribes, the Conoys and the Nanticokes, moved northward from Maryland early in the 18th century, settling in southern New York, and eventually moved west with the Delawares, with whom they merged. The Saponis, Siouan-speaking tribes from Virginia and North Carolina, moved northward to seek Iroquois protection and were eventually absorbed into the Cayugas. In the latter part of the 18th century there were temporary villages of Wyandots, Chippewas, Missisaugas, and Ottawas in western Pennsylvania.
 


QUOTES:
"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down."
--Ray Bradbury

As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might.
--Marian Anderson

Some minds are like concrete: thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
--Unknown

Whatever enlarges hope will also exalt courage.
--Samuel Johnson

Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

A champion is someone who gets up when he can't.
--Jack Dempsey

Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat.
--Malcolm Forbes

"A simple way to take the measure of a country is to look at how many want in...
and how many want out."
--Tony Blair
 

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
Dawn Brown suggested these gems from Reader's Digest.
Is your business not getting noticed?  Then you need a catchy logo:
    * Our local window tinters tell it like it is:  "We stick it where the sun shines."
    * A propane supply store isn't shy about revealing where its heart lies:  "Tank heaven for little grills."
    *  A passing septic service truck declared "19,500 lbs of very gross weight."
~ Submitted to Reader's Digest by Brian Hannah ~

 
 
 
Ponderisms    This batch  from Bud Casselberry

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not
   a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about
    seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and
    people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here,
          and drink whatever comes out?"

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going
      to look up there anyway?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

Are you as crazy as the rest of your email friends?

Do you ever screw up your computer and not know what you just did?

Did you ever go to the Fridge and forget what you wanted?

Or, even worse, did you go to the kitchen and wonder "WHAT FOR"?


 
 
 
This gem was sent to Bud from his friend Dodie.  Bud sent it to me.  And now you get to chuckle.
The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company:  Larnrod Eireann.

Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day.
I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think that the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly, - - - Patrick Finnegan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely, - - -  -Larnrod Eireann.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused on your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of Numbers, 22nd Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!
Yours truly, - - - Patrick Finnegan


 
 
 
Payback      This one from Just For Grins.

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now, ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming.

Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason why this couple should not be married. His reception wasn't disrupted by streakers or smoke bombs and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order.

When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed.

Upon waking, the couple was ravenous, so Bill called down to room service and asked, "I'd like to order breakfast for two."

At that moment, a soft voice from under the bed said, "Make that five!" 


 
 
 
Driving Permit   Bud Casselberry sent this one.
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.

He asked his father, (a Minister), if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the Bible a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it."

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's study where the father said, "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut."

The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

The Minister said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked." 

GROANERS:
 
Herb Budinger sent this one.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.

 
 
Flying Over Greece
As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess, "What's that stuff all over those hills?"
"Just snow," replied the stewardess.
"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece." 

 
 
 
Bud Casselberry sent this one.
A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, "Next Sunday, I am going to preach on the subject of liars.
As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17."

On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin.  Looking out at the congregation he said, "Last week I asked you all to read Mark 17.
If you have read the chapter, please raise your hand."
Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.

The preacher dismissed those who hadn't read the chapter and smilingly said to the rest, "You are the very people I want to talk to.
Mark has only 16 chapters." 


 
 
This blondie from Herb Larson.
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day, so she  eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk, takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic

.The life like cardboard men are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.  It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.

The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"

"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.

"Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the  road?!" asks the officer.

"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.


 
 
Texas Highway Patrol Exam   Bud forwarded this one.  It is a rerun but still funny.
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.  The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect.  You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as Scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man ?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did.  He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture!  It's a profile of his face!  You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?  Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes!  He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady?  This is a profile of the man's face!  Of course you can only see one ear!!  You're excused too!" 

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but "He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did.  This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.  He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right!  His bio says he wears contacts!  How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo!  With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses." 

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