KCNET NEWSLETTER
 FUN PAGE
 07/29/07  &  08/05/07



 
 


TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS


TRIVIA:
July begins on the same day of the week as April every year and also January in leap years.
July's flower is the water lily or larkspur.
July's birthstone is the ruby.
July in the Northern Hemisphere is the seasonal equivalent to January in the Southern Hemisphere and vice versa.
July is the most common birth month, along with October.

July is the seventh month of the year in the Gregorian Calendar and one of seven Gregorian months with the length of 31 days. It is, on average, the hottest month within much of the Northern hemisphere.

July begins (astrologically) with the sun in the sign of Cancer and ends in the sign of Leo. Astronomically speaking, the sun begins in the constellation of Gemini and ends in the constellation of Cancer.

July was renamed for Julius Caesar, who was born in that month. Previously, it was called Quintilis in Latin, since it was the fifth month in the ancient Roman calendar, before January became the first month of the calendar year (the year when displayed as twelve months in order) during the time of the decemvirs about 450 BC. In the pagan wheel of the year July ends at or near to Lughnasadh in the northern hemisphere and Imbolc in the southern hemisphere.
 

Potentially useless trivia for a July afternoon
By Wally Edge - July 18, 2007

Lady Bird Johnson lived for nearly 44 years after her husband left the Vice Presidency following John F. Kennedy’s assassination in 1963. That is the longest a former Second Lady of the United States has lived after leaving office.

The second longest tenure as a former Second Lady belongs to a New Jerseyan, Jennie Tuttle Hobart, who died in 1941 -- 42 years after the death of her husband, Garrett Hobart.

Hobart began a career in politics two years after their marriage in 1869. He served as Paterson City Attorney and as Counsel to the Passaic County Board of Freeholders before winning a State Assembly seat in 1872. He became Assembly Speaker in 1874 and won election to the State Senate in 1876; he was Senate President in 1881 and 1882. He was the Republican National Committeeman from New Jersey from 1884 to 1896.

The 1896 Republican National Convention featured a floor fight between two presidential candidates, Ohio Governor William McKinley and Maine’s Thomas Reed, the Speaker of the House.  The New Jersey delegation was evenly split between the two -- Hobart was an early backer of four-term U.S. Senator William Boyd Allison of Iowa for President, but later switched to McKinley -- but New Jersey to the McKinley column after commitments to back Hobart for the Vice Presidency.

(Reed’s state campaign chairman was former Congressman John Kean, the great-uncle of future Governor Thomas Kean, Sr.)

Hobart and Kean were political rivals. Hobart was the Campaign Manager for John Griggs in the 1895 Republican gubernatorial primary. (Griggs resigned as Governor in 1898 to become McKinley’s Attorney General).  Kean was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1899 -- a seat that Hobart was interested in before becoming Vice President.

Hobart served as Vice President for just 32 months before he passed away at age 55. He had been ill for a few weeks and died of angina pectoris -- today a treatable condition. Had Hobart lived, he would have become President in September 1901 following McKinley’s assassination. Instead, McKinley’s 1900 running mate, Theodore Roosevelt, succeeded to the presidency.

Second Lady Trivia for extreme junkies only: Franklin Roosevelt’s first Vice President, John Nance Garner, began his political career in 1893, at age 25, as a candidate for Uvalde County (Texas) Judge. His first electoral victory, in the Democratic primary, was against Mariette Rheiner, the 24-year-old daughter of a prominent local rancher. That campaign could not have been terribly contentious: two years later, Garner and Rheiner were married.
 
 


QUOTES:
I have always been among those who believed that the greatest freedom of speech was the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.
-- Woodrow T. Wilson

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Right actions for the future are the best apologies for wrong ones in the past.
-- Tyron Edwards

"So many dreams at first seem impossible.  And then they seem improbable.  And then when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
-- Christopher Reeve

The life that conquers is the life that moves with a steady resolution and persistence toward a predetermined goal. Those who succeed are those who have thoroughly learned the immense importance of plan in life and the tragic brevity of time.
-- W. J. Davison

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
-- Ingrid Bergman

"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
-- Professor Dumbledor in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
Flower Switch  This one from Dr. Bill Hamm
A new business was opening, and one of the owner's friends wanted
to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site, and the owner read the card, which said, "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this:
Somewhere there is a funeral taking place, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"

 
 
 
Bible Study Class -- Dodie sent this set to Bud Casselberry who knew you would like them.

The Rest of the Story STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut a steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times
"Now, asked the teacher, "Can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand,  "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

LOT'S WIFE 
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

GOOD SAMARITAN 
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid de ta il so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH? 
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"
"No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"

HIGHER POWER 
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power.
Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"


 
 
DUI checkpoint     Another one from Dodie to Bud.
Bubba and Earl were driving down the road drinking a couple Budweiser's. Bubba said, "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!
Don't worry," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these?
beers, then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and then throw the bottles under the seat. Just let me do the talkin'.
They finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight, and put the labels on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said,  "Howdy boys, ya'll been drinkin'?
"No sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels.  "Me and Bubba's on the Patch."

 
 
Don't Think So Much    This one from Worldstart. 
Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa Convention in San Francisco and several members lunched at a local cafe.

While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for Mensa!

The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that."

She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

GROANERS:
 
This collection of groaners was sent to me by Bud Casselberry.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all,"
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder.
How was he killed?" the first detective asked.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe there was a hell."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked.
"Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "Jackass" afterwards."

 
 
Leaky Roof  This one from Just For Grins
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it.
"When did you first notice the leak"? the repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable scowled, "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" 

 
 
Ed and Dorothy    Life other than golf...he has no clue.  Bud sent this one too.
Ed and Dorothy met while on vacation, and Ed fell head over heels in love with her.
On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship.
"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut," Ed said to his lady friend.
"I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now."
Dorothy responded, "If we're being honest with each other, here goes . . . . . I'm a hooker."
"I see," Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment.   Then he added,  "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off."

 
 
Tollbooth Crash     This one from Just For Grin.
A tractor trailer driver lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty tollbooth on the Garden State Parkway and smashed it into hundreds of pieces.
While filling out the police and insurance reports for the damage he had caused, he noticed a crew of workers picking up each broken piece of the wrecked tollbooth and spreading some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than twenty minutes, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.
Amazed at what he had witnessed, he asked the police officer, "What was that white stuff those men used to assemble all those pieces together?"
The police officer smiled and said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

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