KCNET NEWSLETTER
 FUN PAGE
 07/01/07  &  07/08/07


TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS


TRIVIA:   July 4th Fun Facts!
On this day in 1776, the Declaration of Independence was approved by the Continental Congress, starting the 13 colonies on the road to freedom as a sovereign nation. As always, this most American of holidays will be marked by parades, fireworks and backyard barbecues across the country.

Patriotic Places:
Number of places nationwide with "liberty" in their name. The most populous one is Liberty, Missouri (26,232). Iowa has more of these places than any other state: four (Libertyville, New Liberty, North Liberty and West Liberty).
    * Eleven places have "independence" in their name. The most populous of these is Independence, Missouri, with 113,288 residents.
    * Five places adopted the name "freedom." Freedom, California, with 6,000 residents, has the largest population among these.
    * There is one place named "patriot" — Patriot, Indiana, with a population of 202.
    * And what could be more fitting than spending the day in a place called "America"? There are five such places in the country, with the most populous being American Fork, Utah, with 21,941 residents. http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/BasicFactsServlet

The Fourth of July Cookout:
As with many holidays, the 4th of July celebration includes food, drink and the realization of how fortunate we are as a nation.
More than 66 million:
Number of Americans who said they have taken part in a barbecue during the previous year. It's probably safe to assume a large number of these events took place on the Fourth.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-32.html

Although we do not have a fixed menu for the celebration of the Fourth, you can almost count on traditional favorites such as hamburgers and hot dogs, chicken, ribs, garden salads, potato salad, chips and watermelon. Following is a summary of where these foods come from:
    * There's a 1-in-6 chance the beef on your backyard grill came from Texas. The Lone Star
       State was the leader in the production of cattle and calves, accounting for 7.2 billion
       pounds of the nation's total production of 42.2 billion pounds last year.
    * There's a 1-in-4 chance your hot dogs and ribs originated in Iowa. The Hawkeye State had a
       total inventory of 14.9 million hogs and pigs as of March 1, 2003 — about one-fourth of
       the nation's total.
    * The chicken on your barbecue grill probably came from one of the top broiler-producing
       states: Georgia, Arkansas, Alabama, North Carolina and Mississippi. The value of
       production in each of these states exceeded $1 billion in 2002. These states combined for
       well over half of the nation's broiler production.
    * The lettuce in your salad or on your hamburger probably was grown in California, which
      accounted for nearly three-quarters of lettuce production in 2002.
    * The fresh tomatoes in your salad most likely came from Florida or California, which,
      combined, produced more than two-thirds of U.S. tomatoes in 2002. The ketchup on
      your hamburger or hot dog probably came from California, which accounted for 95
      percent of processed tomato production last year.
    * There's a 1-in-3 chance the beans in your side dish of baked beans or pork and beans came
       from North Dakota, which produced more than one-third of the dry, edible beans in 2002.
    * As to potato salad or potato chips or fries, Idaho and Washington produced about one-half
      of the nation's spuds in 2002.
    * For dessert, six states — California, Florida, Texas, Georgia, Arizona and Indiana —
      combined to produce about 80 percent of watermelons last year.
    http://www.usda.gov/nass/

Fireworks & Fourth of July Events:
$128.8 million
The value of fireworks imported from China, representing the bulk of all U.S. fireworks imports ($135.6 million) in 2002. U.S. exports of fireworks, by comparison, amounted to $13.5 million, with Germany purchasing more than any other single country ($5.0 million). http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/www/

Imports of U.S. Flags:
$7.9 million
The dollar value of U.S. imports of American flags in 2002; more than half of this amount ($5.2 million) was for U.S. flags made in China. This was down from the 2001 dollar value of U.S. flag imports ($51.7 million), but still considerably higher than the total for 2000 ($747,800). That was the last full year prior to Sept. 11. http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/www/
$646,452
Dollar value of exports of U.S. flags in 2002. Japan was the leading customer, purchasing $86,189 worth. http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/www/
125,000
Number of U.S. flags flown over the U.S. Capitol last year at the request of House and Senate members. On July 4 alone, 1,200 were flown at our nation's capitol. (From the U.S. Capitol Flag Room.)
$272 million
Annual dollar value of shipments of fabricated flags, banners and similar emblems by the nation's manufacturers, according to the latest economic census (1997) for which there is published data. http://www.census.gov/prod/ec97/97m3149e.pdf

Coming to America:  This subject is a bit touchy in 2007
32.5 million
The number of foreign-born residents in the United States in 2002; they accounted for 11.5 percent of the nation's total population. http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-42.html
    * More than 1-in-3 foreign-born residents were naturalized U.S. citizens.
    http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-42.html
    * Six states had estimated foreign-born populations of 1 million or more: California
      (8.8 million), New York (3.6 million), Florida (2.8 million), Texas (2.4 million), New Jersey
      (1.2 million) and Illinois (1.2 million).
    http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2002/cb02-18.html
    * Among the foreign-born population, 52 percent were born in Latin America, 26 percent in
      Asia,14   percent in Europe and the remaining 8 percent in other regions of the world,
      such as Africa and Oceania. http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-42.html

State Park Lakes & Beaches
66 million
Number of visits in a recent year to our national parks — a particularly scenic locale for a July 4th picnic. There were 766 million visits in a recent year to another popular picnic venue — state parks or recreation areas. Those in California (80 million), Ohio (59 million), New York (56 million), Washington (48 million) and Illinois (44 million) recorded the highest number of visits.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-32.html

You may or may not be able to picnic there, but a visit to a national historical site is a particularly fitting way to celebrate our nation's heritage on its 227th birthday. In a recent year, about 72 million people flocked to national historical sites and 24 million to national monuments.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-32.html

The British are Coming!
"The British are coming! The British are coming!" These days, this cry applies to tourists rather than "redcoats." Nearly 5 million tourists from the United Kingdom visited the United States in a recent year, more than from any other country except Japan.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-32.html
$74 billion
Dollar volume of trade last year between the United States and the United Kingdom, making the U.K., our adversary in 1776, our sixth-leading trading partner today. http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/www/

Source: U.S. Census Bureau


QUOTES:
Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of
supporting it.
~Thomas Paine

He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from opposition; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach himself.
~Thomas Paine

This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.
~Elmer Davis

The American Revolution was a beginning, not a consummation.
~Woodrow Wilson

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
~Harry Emerson Fosdick

Let freedom never perish in your hands.
~Joseph Addison

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness.  You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
~Erma Bombeck

Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed - else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die.
~Dwight D. Eisenhower

In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt

A statistician made a few calculations and discovered that since the birth of our nation more lives had been lost in celebrating independence than in winning it.
~Curtis Billings

This, then, is the state of the union:  free and restless, growing and full of hope.  So it was in the beginning.  So it shall always be, while God is willing, and we are strong enough to keep the faith.  ~Lyndon B. Johnson

For what avail the plough or sail, or land or life, if freedom fail?
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Those who won our independence believed liberty to be the secret of happiness and courage to be the secret of liberty.
~Louis D. Brandeis

Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.
~Albert Camus

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.
~Dick Cheney

Liberty is the breath of life to nations.
~George Bernard Shaw

America is much more than a geographical fact.  It is a political and moral fact - the first community in which men set out in principle to institutionalize freedom, responsible government, and human equality.  ~Adlai Stevenson

May the sun in his course visit no land more free, more happy, more lovely, than this our own country!  ~Daniel Webster

We on this continent should never forget that men first crossed the Atlantic not to find soil for their ploughs but to secure liberty for their souls.
~Robert J. McCracken

If our country is worth dying for in time of war let us resolve that it is truly worth living for in
time of peace.
~Hamilton Fish

I prefer liberty with danger to peace with slavery.
~Author Unknown

Without freedom, no one really has a name.
~Milton Acorda

All we have of freedom, all we use or know -
This our fathers bought for us long and long ago.
~Rudyard Kipling, The Old Issue, 1899

Where liberty dwells, there is my country.
~Benjamin Franklin

Liberty means responsibility.  That is why most men dread it.
~George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, "Maxims: Liberty and Equality," 1905

It is the love of country that has lighted and that keeps glowing the holy fire of patriotism.
~J. Horace McFarland

The winds that blow through the wide sky in these mounts, the winds that sweep from Canada to Mexico, from the Pacific to the Atlantic - have always blown on free men.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt

I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom.
~Simone de Beauvoir

The United States is the only country with a known birthday.
~James G. Blaine

Many politicians are in the habit of laying it down as a self-evident proposition that no people ought to be free till they are fit to use their freedom.  The maxim is worthy of the fool in the old story who resolved not to go into the water till he had learned to swim.
~Thomas Macaulay

Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all!
By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall.
~John Dickinson

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.
~William Faulkner

My God!  How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!
~Thomas Jefferson

What is the essence of America?  Finding and maintaining that perfect, delicate balance between freedom "to" and freedom "from."
~Marilyn vos Savant, in Parade

How often we fail to realize our good fortune in living in a country where happiness is more than a
lack of tragedy.
~Paul Sweeney

We need an America with the wisdom of experience.  But we must not let America grow old in spirit.  ~Hubert H. Humphrey

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.
~Abraham Lincoln

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul.
~Moshe Dayan

It is sweet to serve one's country by deeds, and it is not absurd to serve her by words.
~Sallust

Freedom is not enough.
~Lyndon B. Johnson

We are free, truly free, when we don't need to rent our arms to anybody in order to be able to lift a piece of bread to our mouths.
~Ricardo Flores Magon, speech, 31 May 1914

There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.
~William J. Clinton

Freedom is never free.
~Author Unknown

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. 
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

 
 
Pope and Purdue     Bud Casselberry sent this gem.
One day Mr.  Purdue comes up with this great idea for the Catholic Church.  Immediately he makes plane reservations to go to Rome.

When he gets into Rome he makes an appointment to see the Pope.  When he sees the Pope he says this: "It is great to meet you, your Eminence, and I have a little proposition for you.  See, I was in church the other day and I thought of a great idea.  Purdue Chickens is ready to give the Church $500,000 if you guys will change 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily chicken'.  What do you think?"

The Pope pondered for a second and said: "I don't really think so."

Well, Mr.  Purdue was not going to be let down by this so he continued: "Purdue Chickens is so organized that we figured that there would be a little difficulty in the first offer.  Okay, we are prepared to give the Church $1 million dollars to change 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily chickens'."

The Pope thought a little longer this time and responded: "No, I really don't think so."

Now, Mr.  Purdue was getting a little nervous.  He took out his handkerchief and wiped the sweat from his brow.  He said: "Now, we at Purdue Chickens didn't really think that the offer was going to go this far, but nevertheless, we prepared ourselves.  We are willing to give the Church $5 million if you guys will change 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily chickens.' What do you think?"

The Pope looked at Mr.  Purdue blankly and then said: "Sure."

Later that day the Pope had a meeting with the Cardinals.  He said: "I have some good news and I have some bad news.  The good new is that the Church has gained $5 million dollars.  The bad news is that we lost the Wonderbread account." 


 
 
 
Idiot Sightings!!!!  Be careful, be v-e-r-y careful....  Gary Clark sent these.

IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired.  The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener.  I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.  He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.  He said, "NO, it's not.  Four is larger than two ." We haven't used Sears repair since.
_____________________________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.  The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!  I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman , KS ______________________________________________________

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.  He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
________________________________ _ _____________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask ..  "
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
______________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.  I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.  She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.  I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.  Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS 
_______________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker:
She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun.  We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.  This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
__________________ __ ______________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.  A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
________________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  "Hey," I announced to the technician, "Its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
______________________________________________________________________

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us and they REPRODUCE!!!


 
 
YOKES FOR YA - Been Around before  Dodie sent this package of Ole, Lena and Lars 
stories to Bud.

Ole and Lena were out walking and Lena clutched her heart and fell to the sidewalk. Ole got out his cell phone and called 9-1-1.  The Operator said "Where are you?" Ole answered, "We were walking and Lena is on the sidewalk on Eucalyptus Street ." 
The operator asked, "How do you spell that?" 
The phone seemed to go dead. The operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting. He finally came back on line and said, "I dragged her over to Oak Street, that's O-A-K
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. 
The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours." 
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after takeoff. Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, "Any idea where we are?" 
"Yaaah, I tink we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
  --------------------------------------------------------------------
 Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo ?" "Yust a minute," said the busy clerk. 
"Vell," said Lena , "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus."
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena , who had charged nonsupport. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." 
"Vell, dat's fine, Judge," smiled Ole. "And vunce in a vhile I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norwegian and a canoe?" 
"No, I don't," answered Ole. 
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, Deere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working." 
Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No.."
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on 
Lena 's knee. 
Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to." 
So Ole drove to Duluth
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. 
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died.'" 
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, asked, "That's it? Just 'Ole died.'? Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more." 
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put, Ole died. Boat for sale"
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly. 
"No," replied Lars. 
"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed, "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it 
"Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet." 
"How come?" asked Lars. 
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?" 
Ole replied, "No, I'm Norvegian and my name ain't Valter."
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                  And dot's enough! 


 
 
Speaking Spanish      From Just For Grins.

A friend of mine was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for ladies and gentlemen. Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors and memorized those two words.

When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

The audience was shocked. He didn't know whether he had offended them or perhaps, they hadn't heard him or understood him. So, he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish, he said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, "Good evening, bathrooms and broom closets!" 


 
 
Talking Over Coffee  Also from Just For Grins
Two mothers met for coffee.
"Well, Ruthie, how are the kids"?
"To tell you the truth, my son has married a real class act!" says Ruth. "She doesn't get out of bed until 11. She's out all day spending his money on heaven knows what and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? Ha! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
"Oh! What a shame."
"And how about your daughter"?
"Ah! Now, there's a lucky girl. She has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy whatever she needs and in the evening, he always takes her out to dinner at a nice restaurant." 

 
 
 
How Ya Feeling?  Good Clean Fun
The doctor in a small North Carolina clinic asked the weather-beaten
mountaineer how he was feeling.
"Well ... it's like this," drawled the man. "I'm still a-kickin', but I ain't raisin' no dust." 
GROANERS:
 
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!

What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
A Hessian procession!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
A revolutionary warthog!

What was Thomas Jefferson's favourite dessert?
Monti jello!

Teacher: "Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?"
Student: "I think it was Thomas Jeffer's son."

What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting!

Why were the early American settlers like ants?
Because they lived in colonies.

What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?
John Hamcock!

What did George Washington say to his army at Valley Forge?
"Sorry, men. The flights to Florida are all booked up!"

What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?
A bald beagle!

What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?
A powdered wigwam!

What's red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic pickle!

What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty?
"Keep in torch!"

What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage?
The Liberty Bellhop!

What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of '76!

Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
He was a Yankee doodler!

What would you get if you crossed a monster with Yankee Doodle?
Yankee Doofus!

What's red, white, blue and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam!

What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold!

What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride?
"I gotta get a softer saddle!"

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!

What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved!

What's red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the steps!

Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
At the chopping mall!

What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
Liberty!

What was General Washington's favourite tree?
The infantry!

Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!

What would you get if you crossed Washington's home with nasty insects?
Mt. Vermin!

What did a patriot put on his dry skin?
Revo-lotion!

What would you get if you crossed a dog with the Father of Our Country?
George Washingtongue!

Who is a dogs favourite Founding Father?
Bone Franklin!

What dance was very popular in 1776?
Indepen-dance!

Which one of Washington's officers had the best sense of humour?
Laughayette!

What is a hungry boys favourite picnic event?
The snack race!

"How was the food at the Fourth of July picnic?
"The hot dogs were bad and the brats were wurst!"

What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware?
"Next time I'm going to reserve a seat!"

Teacher: "Why did Washington chop down the cherry tree with his hatchet?"
Student: "Because his mom wouldn't let him play with the chain saw!"

Teacher: "The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. True or false?"
Student: "False! It was written in ink!"

Why did Washington win the battle of Trenton?
Because the enemy soldiers were Hessian around!

What would you get if you crossed a monster with one of Washington's officers?
Baron von Steupid!

What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England?
Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer!

What march would you play at a jungle parade?
"Tarzan Stripes Forever"!

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat?
A bigger target.

Why did the British soldiers wear red coats?
So they could hide in the tomatoes.

Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
Because they're both cracked!

Teacher: "Who wrote `Oh say, can you see?"'
Student: "An eye doctor?"

How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!

What would you get if you crossed Patrick Henry with a hungry boy?
A patriot who says, "Give me lasagne or give me death!"

What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights?
The Ducklaration of Independence!

Why did the duck say "Bang!"?
Because he was a firequacker!

What cat said, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"?
Paw Revere.

What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?
The Battle of Bonkers Hill. 


 
 
The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .
"I'm not free. I'm four." 

SEND EMAIL PLEASE

HOME PAGE
KCNET NEWSLETTER
COMMENTARY AND CLASS SCHEDULE PAGE
MIKE'S COMMENTARY, COMPUTER CLASSES AND COURSES, 
ADVANCED USER GROUP NOTES, SUE'S NEWS & NOTES
TECHNICAL PAGE
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, VIRUS AND OTHER STINKY STUFF,
INTERESTING SITES
KCNET SENIORCENTER.NET HOME PAGE
NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES 2006, 2005, & 2004
KCNET NEWSLETTER MEMBER PAGES