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 06/03/07  &  06/10/07


TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS


TRIVIA:
Subject:  A Puzzle  This one from Bud Casselberry
    What Do These Words Have In Common......
    Banana
    Dresser
    Grammar
    Potato
    Revive
    Uneven
    Assess
Click to Check the answer. (there is an easy return)
 
 

More Trivia  with South Western PA significance.
Some interesting trivia about the Uniontown area.  This info available from the pages associated with the  Inne at Watson's Choice, an elegant Bed and Breakfast. http://www.watsonschoice.com/index.html

Young George Washington learned some very valuable lessons in this area.
    * In 1753 Washington (then 21) on behalf of the British passed through the area, including present day Ohiopyle on the Youghiogheny River, to deliver a message to the French at Fort LeBouef (north of present-day Pittsburgh) asking them to vacate the Ohio Valley. The French refused.
    * Under his command in 1754, his troops improved an Indian trail that some decades later would become part of the National Road through the mountains east of Uniontown.
    * In his first military encounter, one that would ignite the French and Indian War in America and the Seven Years War in Europe, young Washington and a band of his men attacked a small French contingent, killing their leader and ambassador, Col. Jumonville in the mountains above present-day Uniontown (half a mile from the Cross at Jumonville.)
    * A month later, Washington would be defeated by the French at Washington's hastily established Fort Necessity (east of Uniontown), where Washington suffered the only surrender of his military career. He was forced to vacate the region, agreeing not to return.
    * A year later in 1755, Washington would pass through the region as second in command to British Gen. Edward Braddock on a military campaign to to evict the French from Fort Duquesne (at present-day Pittsburgh). However, they were ambushed several miles short of the Fort Duquesne by French and Indian forces where the British suffered a devastating defeat. The badly beaten British retreated to a location a mile from Fort Necessity where Braddock succumbed to wounds (in Washington's presence) from the battle and was buried in the road.
    * Washington acquired quite a bit of land in the area, including the site of Fort Necessity, and property in the Perryopolis area. Washington commissioned the building of a grist mill, which was a commercial flop.
    * Washington returned to the area twice more, in 1770 and 1786, in connection with his holdings.

The National Road, the county's first interstate highway of the early 19th century, now U.S. Route 40, passes through the village of Hopwood, Uniontown, and Brownsville on its way westward. Several structures from the era still survive including Addison Tollhouse, Washington's Tavern, Searight Tollhouse, Nemacolin Castle and several stone buildings in Hopwood.

Albert Gallatin, Secretary of the Treasury under Thomas Jefferson, was instrumental in enabling the national Road to be built. His former estate, Friendship Hill, is now part of the National Park Service and is open to the public.

The first bank wast of the Alleghenies was built in Perryopolis in 1814. The structure is now a local museum.

America's first cast iron bridge was dedicated on July 4, 1839 in Brownsville, PA. Amazingly, it is still in use today with no weight restrictions!

This area was once famous for its reserves of easily obtained high grade coal that ultimately fueled the iron and steel industry of Pittsburgh. The coal was mined, then transformed into coke in thousands of beehive coke ovens in scores of small mining communities throughout the region, commonly known as the Connellsville Coke Region. The coal and coke industry was the source of many fortunes during the boom times at the turn of the 20th century. Alas, the coal is now gone and the industry and fortunes with it.

Uniontown is the birthplace and boyhood home of Gen. George C. Marshall, the former Secretary of State and General of the Army who won the Nobel Peace Prize for engineering the Marshall Plan which helped restore western Europe following W.W.II.

Fayette County is host to two homes by noted architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Fallingwater is world renowned as Wright's masterpiece and one of the finest examples of modern architecture in the world. Kentuck Knob was built for the I.N. Hagan family in the 1950's. Both are now open to the public.

The Big Mac was invented by James Delligati in 1967 at the Uniontown McDonalds at its former Morgantown St. location.

At 19 cents, you can buy the cheapest hamburger in America at Pechin's Shopping Village.
 

Answer to the trivia question called a Puzzle:
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.
Did you figure it out?
Yeah, me, too!   (no, I didn't get it either....)
Return to Trivia for more reading


QUOTES:
"If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high. Look it squarely in the eye, and say, 'I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.'"
--Ann Landers

"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.  The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
--Winston Churchill

I  contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like  a man standing in a
bucket and trying to lift himself up by the  handle.  -Winston Churchill

A government  which robs Peter to pay Paul can  always depend on the support of Paul.
--George Bernard  Shaw

A liberal is  someone who feels a great debt to his  fellow man....which debt he proposes
to pay off  with your  money.
--G Gordon  Liddy

Democracy  must be something more than two wolves  and a sheep voting on what to
have for  dinner.
--James  Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

In general,  the art of government consists of taking as  much money as possible from one
party of the  citizens to give to the  other. -Voltaire  (1764)

Just because  you do not take an interest in politics  dosn't mean politics won't take
an interest  in you!
-- Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's  life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
--Mark Twain  (1866)

Talk is  cheap...except when Congress does it.
-- Any US Taxpayer!!


 
 
CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
THE PHARMACIST  This one from Gary Clark.  It induces hugh belly laughs every time I read it.  The mental images created are marvelous.  You'll enjoy it too.

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.

Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him,  "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning, the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."
"When I finally got to the store, a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people. All the time, the darn phone was ringing off the hook." 

He continued, "Then, I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.  I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her." 


 
Boss of the House  From Just for Grins
One evening, a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting.
Krystal asked, "Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right"?
Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house."
But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "Because Mommy put you in charge, huh Daddy"? 

 
 
Definitions not in the dictionary  Dodie sent these to Bud Casselberry.
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someon e who is usually me - deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have....  You have character lines.


 
 
Job Placement Aptitude Test  Joe Marasco gets the pat on the back for this one.
1.  Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2.  Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3.  Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4.  Then analyze the situation:
a.  If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b.  If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c.  If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d.  If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e.  If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f.  If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g.  If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h.  If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i.  If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j.  If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
k.  If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l.  If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
5.  Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor hear what you say to them, put them in Congress.
GROANERS:
Herb Budinger sent this one.  I'm not so sure it is a groaner...It's the truth.
I had parked my car in the supermarket parking lot and was walking past an empty cart when I heard a female voice say, "Mister, are you using that cart?"
"No," I answered. "I'm only after one thing."
As I walked toward the store, I heard her murmur, "Typical male."

 
 
A Blonde deals with a flat tire    This is a good groan from Gary Clark.
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk, takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.
The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.
It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...
"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

 
 
Quotes From the past   Thanks to Irishrose, Rosemary Bednarczyk
I'm calling these groaners because just thinking about the statements makes me groan.  (Mike)

"There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom." 
-- Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923 

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." 
-- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
-- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." 
-- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957 

"But what is it good for?" commenting on the microchip."
-- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968 

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." 
-- Bill Gates, 1981 

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.  The device is inherently of no value to us,"
--Western Union internal memo, 1876 

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.  Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" in response to urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
-- David Sarnoff' Associates (president of RCA) 

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible," 
-- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service.  Smith went on to found Federal Express.

"I'm just glad it will be Clark Gable who falls on his face, not Gary Cooper," 
-- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in Gone With The Wind.

"A cookie store is a bad idea.  Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make," 
-- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies 

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." 
-- Decca Recording Co.  rejecting the Beatles, 1962 

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible," 
-- Lord Kelvin, president Royal Society, 1895 

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment.  The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." 
-- Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads. 

"Drill for oil?  You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?  You're crazy," 
-- Drillers who Edwin L.  Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil, 1859 

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." 
-- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929 

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value," 
-- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre, France 

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." 
-- Charles H.  Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899 

"The super computer is technologically impossible.  It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required." 
-- Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University 

"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents.  It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself.
-- the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox 

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." 
-- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872 

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." 
-- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873 

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." 
-- Ken Olson, president, chairman, founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 


 
 
Some old and some new but very punny whichever you find them.  Thanks to Wayne Smith

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

****
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. 
"Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

****
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. 
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.  So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

****
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. ! He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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