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 FUN PAGE
 04/01/07  &  04/08/07



TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS


TRIVIA:

Of all the symbols associated with Easter the egg, the symbol of fertility and new life, is the most identifiable. The customs and traditions of using eggs have been associated with Easter for centuries

Originally Easter eggs were painted with bright colors to represent the sunlight of spring and were used in Easter-egg rolling contests or given as gifts. After they were colored and etched with various designs the eggs were exchanged by lovers and romantic admirers, much the same as valentines. In medieval time eggs were traditionally given at Easter to the servants. In Germany eggs were given to children along with other Easter gifts

Different cultures have developed their own ways of decorating Easter eggs. Crimson eggs, to honor the blood of Christ, are exchanged in Greece. In parts of Germany and Austria green eggs are used on Maundy Thursday (Holy Thursday). Slavic peoples decorate their eggs in special patterns of gold and silver

Austrian artists design patterns by fastening ferns and tiny plants around the eggs, which are then boiled. The plants are then removed revealing a striking white pattern. The Poles and Ukrainians decorate eggs with simple designs and colors. A number of eggs are made in the distinctive manner called pysanki (to design, to write)

Pysanki eggs are a masterpiece of skill and workmanship. Melted beeswax is applied to the fresh white egg. It is then dipped in successive baths of dye. After each dip wax is painted over the area where the preceding color is to remain. Eventually a complex pattern of lines and colors emerges into a work of art

In Germany and other countries eggs used for cooking where not broken, but the contents were removed by piercing the end of each egg with a needle and blowing the contents into a bowl. The hollow eggs were dyed and hung from shrubs and trees during the Easter Week. The Armenians would decorate hollow eggs with pictures of Christ, the Virgin Mary, and other religious designs
 

Making Natural  Easter  Egg Dyes
Give the Easter bunny a run for his money by dyeing Easter eggs the natural way, using common foods and flowers. The longer you soak the eggs in the following liquids, the more intense the colors will be. Remember to start with hard-cooked eggs and refrigerate until ready to use.

If desired, before dyeing the eggs, draw shapes, pictures or inspiring words on them with crayons or a piece of wax. The wax won't absorb the color so the designs will show through. Using a crayon, simply draw a design onto your eggs and then dye as you would any other Easter egg. Your crayon design will be accentuated by your choice of dye!

Rubber bands are all you need to make tie-dyed eggs. Use a collection of different sized rubber bands. Wrap the rubber bands, one at a time, around the eggs. Make sure to leave some of the egg shell exposed so it can be dyed. Once the eggs are dyed to the color you like, remove them from the water and let them dry. Once dried completely, pull the rubber bands off to reveal your banded design.

Natural Dyeing of Easter Eggs
Wash eggs in warm soapy water to remove any oily residue that may impede the color from adhering to the eggs. Let eggs cool before attempting to dye.

You need to use your own judgment about exactly how much of each dyestuff to use. Except for spices, place a handful (or two or three handfuls) of a dyestuff in a saucepan.

Add tap water to come at least one inch above the dyestuff.  NOTE:  This will be about 1 cup of water for each handful of dyestuff. Bring the water just to a boil, and then reduce the heat to low. Let simmer about 15 minutes or up to an hour until you like the color obtained. Keep in mind that dyed eggs will not get as dark as the color in the pan. Remove the pan from the heat.

Pour mixture into a liquid measuring cup. Add 2 to 3 teaspoons of white vinegar for each cup of strained dye liquid. Pour the mixture into a bowl or jar that is deep enough to completely cover the eggs you want to dye. Use a slotted spoon  to lower the eggs into the hot liquid. Leave the eggs in the water until you like the color. NOTE: Allow the egg to sit in the tea for several hours or overnight. The longer the egg soaks, the deeper the final color will be. If you plan to eat the eggs be sure to do this step in the refrigerator.

When eggs are dyed to the color you desire, lift the eggs out with the slotted spoon. Let them dry on a rack or drainer. NOTE: An egg carton works nicely as a drying rack. Be careful to handle the eggs gently and minimally as some of the colors can easily be rubbed off before the egg has dried.

For a textured look, dab the still wet egg with a sponge.

Eggs colored with natural dyes have a dull finish and are not glossy. After they are dry, you can rub the eggs with cooking oil or mineral oil to give them a soft sheen.
 

Color
 Items To Dye With
Blue Canned Blueberries
Red Cabbage Leaves (boiled)
Purple Grape Juice
Brown 
or Beige
Strong Coffee
Instant Coffee
Black Walnut Shells (boiled)
Black Tea
Brown Gold Dill Seeds
Brown 
Orange
Chili Powder
Green Spinach Leaves (boiled)
Liquid Chlorophyll
Greenish Yellow Yellow Delicious Apple Peels (boiled)
Grey Purple or red grape juice 
or beet juice
Lavender Small Quantity of Purple Grape Juice
Violet Blossoms plus 2 tsp Lemon Juice
Red Zinger Tea
Orange Yellow Onion Skins (boiled)
Carrots
Paprika
Pink Beets
Cranberries or Juice
Raspberries
Red Grape Juice
Juice from Pickled Beets
Red  Lots of Red Onions Skins (boiled)
Pomegranate juice
Canned Cherries (with syrup)
Raspberries
Violet or Purple Violet Blossoms
Hibiscus tea
Small Quantity of Red Onions Skins (boiled)
Red Wine
Yellow Orange or Lemon Peels (boiled)
Carrot Tops (boiled)
Chamomile Tea
Celery Seed (boiled)
Green tea
Ground Cumin (boiled)
Ground Turmeric (boiled) or Saffron

QUOTES:
The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances.
~Robert Flatt

The joyful news that He is risen does not change the contemporary world.  Still before us lie work, discipline, sacrifice.  But the fact of Easter gives us the spiritual power to do the work, accept the discipline, and make the sacrifice.
~Henry Knox Sherrill

Easter is the demonstration of God that life is essentially spiritual and timeless.
~Charles M. Crowe

Where man sees but withered leaves, God sees sweet flowers growing.  ~Albert Laighton

Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time.  ~Martin Luther

Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life.
~S.D. Gordon

But from this earth, this grave, this dust,
My God shall raise me up, I trust.  ~Walter Raleigh

He takes men out of time and makes them feel eternity.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let the resurrection joy lift us from loneliness and weakness and despair to strength and beauty and happiness.
~Floyd W. Tomkins

Well pleaseth me the sweet time of Easter
That maketh the leaf and the flower come out.  ~Bertran de Born

Easter tells us that life is to be interpreted not simply in terms of things but in terms of ideals.  ~Charles M. Crowe

'Twas Easter-Sunday. The full-blossomed trees
Filled all the air with fragrance and with joy.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Spanish Student

The story of Easter is the story of God's wonderful window of divine surprise.
~Carl Knudsen

For I remember it is Easter morn,
And life and love and peace are all new born.  ~Alice Freeman Palmer

Easter is not a time for groping through dusty, musty tomes or tombs to disprove spontaneous generation or even to prove life eternal.  It is a day to fan the ashes of dead hope, a day to banish doubts and seek the slopes where the sun is rising, to revel in the faith which transports us out of ourselves and the dead past into the vast and inviting unknown.
~Author unknown, as quoted in the Lewiston Tribune

Tomb, thou shalt not hold Him longer;
Death is strong, but Life is stronger;
Stronger than the dark, the light;
Stronger than the wrong, the right...
~Phillips Brooks, "An Easter Carol"

The stars shall fade away, the sun himself
Grow dim with age, and Nature sink in years;
But thou shalt flourish in immortal youth,
Unhurt amid the war of elements,
The wreck of matter, and the crush of worlds.
~Joseph Addison

Awake, thou wintry earth -
Fling off thy sadness!
Fair vernal flowers, laugh forth
Your ancient gladness!
~Thomas Blackburn, "An Easter Hymn"

I think of the garden after the rain;
And hope to my heart comes singing,
At morn the cherry-blooms will be white,
And the Easter bells be ringing!
~Edna Dean Proctor, "Easter Bells"
 

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
"A Gasoline Substitute"
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, "What seems to be the problem"?
"I'm out of gas."
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away.
Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my gas tank"?
The bee answered,....   "BP."

 
 
Bathroom Chat  Thanks to Just For Grins.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying, "Hi, how are you"?
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom, but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"
And the other person says, "So what are you up to"?
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre, so I say, "Uh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point, I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over"?
Okay, this question is just too weird for me, but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them, "No, I'm a little busy right now!"
Then I hear the person say nervously, "Listen, I'll have to call you back. The person in the other stall keeps answering all my questions." 

 
 
KIDS IN CHURCH  This set from Wayne Smith.  Some are repeats but too cute not to print.
 

3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen."
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word,
right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
"but deliver us from E-mail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old
brother, Joel, were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan, 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 
 
Second Career  Harold Pepperman sent this one to Bud.
Tom was in his early 50's, retired and started a second career.  However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time.  Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late.  But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it.
Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.  "Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome.' 
"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player.  That's what I like to hear.  It's odd though, you're coming in late.  I know you're retired from the Air Force.  What did they say if you came in late there?"
They said, "Good morning, General."

 
 
Bud Casselberry sent this one.
So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this, you know you're from California if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $200,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal?
14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."
15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license.
If you're here illegally, they want to give you one !!!
GROANERS:
 
The Meaning of Easter   Yikes not quite the right answer.  From Just For Grins.

A priest has been reassigned to a new church and wants to see how seriously the attendees take Easter.

He approaches one person and asks the meaning of Easter. She replies that Easter is when a giant bunny brings candy for children.

Okay, how about another? So, the priest asks someone else. He says Easter is when all the children color eggs and the adults hide the Easter eggs and let the children participate in an egg hunt.

Okay, another. So, the priest finds a conservative looking person praying quietly and he hopes she appreciates the meaning of Easter. She describes how Jesus carried the cross and then was crucified and then his body was put in a cave with a rock at the entrance.

"Good so far," thought the priest, but then the lady continued.

"Then on Easter Sunday, the boulder magically rolled away from the cave, Jesus was resurrected and stepped out of the cave and saw his shadow. He then knew there would be six more weeks of winter."


 
 
Q. What do Easter Bunny helpers get for making a basket?
A. Two points, just like anyone else.

Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A. The Ether Bunny 

Q: What do you call rabbits that marched in a long sweltering Easter parade?
A: Hot, cross bunnies.

Q: How did the Easter bunny rate the Easter parade?
A: He said it was eggcellent!

Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
A: Hoppy Easter!

Q: What do you call a duck that just doesn't fit in?
A: Mallardjusted.

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and the Easter Bunny?
A: A good Easter.

Q: What do you call a duck who plays basketball?
A: A slam duck.

Q: Why was the rabbit rubbing his head?
A: Because he had a eggache! (headache)

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggercise 


 
 
Red Fire Truck  This one from Bill Hamm.
There are four wheels and eight men on a fire engine.  - - Four and eight makes 12.
There are 12 inches in a ruler. - - - Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.
The Queen Elizabeth was a ship.  - - - Ships sail in the sea.
The sea has fish.  - - - Fish have fins.
The Finns are always fighting the Russians. - - - Russians are known as "red".
Fire engines are always rushin', and that's why they're red.

 
 
Woman on the Beach!!  Bud Casselberry sent this one.
 A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.  One Summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.  She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the Cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't, and said so.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach.  Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.  The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?  What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, "Her name is Sally, and she's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied.   "She sells C cells by the seashore."

 
 
Closing the Deal  From Just For Grins.
A young businessman just started his own firm. He just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to look like a big shot, he picked up his phone and pretended he had a big deal working.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can I help you''?
''Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines.''

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