KCNET NEWSLETTER
 FUN PAGE
 02/18/07  &  02/25/07


TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS


TRIVIA:
The longest skating 'rink' in the world is Ottawa, Canada's Rideau Canal at 7.6 km or just over 5 miles, which freezes over each winter.

Michigan is 58,216 sq. mi. It became a state January 26, 1837. It is nicknamed the wolverine state, water wonderland, winter wonderland and the automobile state. It is the 2nd largest state east of the mississippi river (Georgia is first). The largest cities are Detroit and Grand Rapids. The state bird, tree, stone, gem, fish and song are the robin, the white pine, the petosky stone, the petosky greenstone, the brook trout, and 'michigan my michigan', respectively.

Winter begins in the Northern Hemisphere on December 21. The last day of winter is March 23rd. There are 63 days of winter. December 22 is the day when the North Pole is tipped farthest from the sun.

Part of the Red Cross Winter Survivor Challenge at Harriet Island is a trivia contest that can earn contestants special rewards, such as extra supplies or a hot meal. Here are some examples of the questions:

Q Why should you warm the core (body) of a person with hypothermia first, not the extremities (arms and legs)?
A If you warm the arms and legs first, it drives cold blood to the heart and can cause heart failure.

Q How thick, in inches, should ice be before you can walk on it safely?
A Walking, 4 inches; snowmobiling, 5 inches; driving, 8 inches.

Q In what important ways should exercise be modified when working out in cold weather?
A Warm up more slowly and thoroughly; avoid exercises that require moving very rapidly or having extremely quick reflexes; avoid tight footwear and cotton socks, and wear newer shoes that allow room for heavier synthetic socks.

Q In what year did a New York reporter write that St. Paul was another Siberia?
A 1885.

1. At which of the following temperatures does water spontaneously freeze?
        a. 18°F         b. 32°F         c. 0°F         d. -40°F
Answer: d. Ice always melts at 32°F, but water does not always freeze at 32°F. It must freeze onto something. However, at -40°F, water freezes spontaneously. If you poured a cup of water out of a window with the air temperature outside at -40°F, the water would freeze before it struck the ground.

2. Which of the following is not effected by wind chill?
        a. person         b. dog         c. car radiator         d. bird
Answer: c. Wind chill is the combination of wind and temperature and is based on the rate of heat loss from exposed skin such as that of a person or animal. As the wind increases, heat is carried away from the body at an accelerated rate, driving the body temperature down. Wind chill has no effect on cars or other objects.

3. What is the difference between sleet, hail, and freezing rain?
Answer: Hail is a chunk or stone of ice dropped from a thunderstorm. Sleet is frozen rain. Freezing rain is liquid rain that freezes to a surface such as the road or a tree.

4. True or False. It must be 32°F or colder for it to snow.
Answer: False. It has been known to snow with temperatures in the mid 40°s. Temperatures are below 32°F up in the clouds where the snow is forming.

5. On the average, one inch of rain is equivalent to how many inches of snow?
        a. 10 inches         b. 1 inch         c. 5 inches         d. a foot
Answer: a. 10 inches of snow melts down to about an inch of liquid rain.

6.  Can it snow from clear skies?
Answer: Yes. Ice crystals sometimes fall from clear skies when temperatures are in the single digits or colder.

7. What is more hazardous to trees and power lines?
        a. One inch of wet snow         b. One inch of ice
Answer: b. An inch of ice is heavier than wet snow and is hazardous enough to cause power lines and trees to come down.

Fact: El Nino refers to a warming of the Pacific Equatorial waters and a slackening of the Trade Winds over those waters. But where does the name come from? It originates from Peru. Two big industries in Peru were fishing and fertilizer. Fishermen noticed that once every several years, the waters would warm; the upwelling of cold water that brought nutrients to the fish would stop; the fish that fed on the nutrients would leave; and the birds that fed on the fish would leave. The bird guano was a major source of fertilizer. It had a great impact on the local economy. They named it "El Nino" after the child, Jesus Christ, giving it a religious connotation because it seemed to occur around Christmas time.

Fact: About 70 percent of winter storm related deaths occur in automobiles. The rest are primarily due to heart attacks from over exertions such as shoveling heavy snow or from hypothermia caused by over exposure to the cold.
When winter storms strike, stay indoors and keep warm and dry. Avoid over-exertion. Your heart is already working hard in the cold to keep your body warm.

Fact: The Winter of 1779-1780 was so cold that ice was piled 20 feet high along the Delmarva Coast and stayed there until spring. The upper portion of the Chesapeake Bay and the entire Potomac River was frozen solid. People were able to walk from Annapolis to Kent Island and from Alexandria into DC.

Fact: About 50% of deaths caused by exposure to cold (hypothermia), are to people over 60 years of age. Over 75% of these deaths are to men. About 20% of the deaths occur in the home.
People over age 60 and children less than a year old are most susceptible to the cold. For these people, keep indoor temperatures above 69°F and when going outside, dress appropriately for the cold. Have plenty of layers of clothes and a hat on the head.
 


QUOTES:
I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape - the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter.  Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn't show.
~Andrew Wyeth

Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
~Robert Byrne

There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you.... In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself.
~Ruth Stout

One of my current pet theories is that the winter is a kind of evangelist, more subtle than Billy Graham, of course, but of the same stuff.
~Shirley Ann Grau

Let us love winter, for it is the spring of genius.
~Pietro Aretino

The tendinous part of the mind, so to speak, is more developed in winter; the fleshy, in summer.  I should say winter had given the bone and sinew to literature, summer the tissues and the blood.
~John Burroughs

Winter is the time of promise because there is so little to do - or because you can now and then permit yourself the luxury of thinking so.
~Stanley Crawford

Every mile is two in winter.
~George Herbert

When the bold branches
Bid farewell to rainbow leaves -
Welcome wool sweaters.
~B. Cybrill

"Hear! hear!" screamed the jay from a neighboring tree, where I had heard a tittering for some time, "winter has a concentrated and nutty kernel, if you know where to look for it."
~Henry David Thoreau, 28 November 1858 journal entry

I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.
~Will Rogers

Every winter,
When the great sun has turned his face away,
The earth goes down into a vale of grief,
And fasts, and weeps, and shrouds herself in sables,
Leaving her wedding-garlands to decay -
Then leaps in spring to his returning kisses.
~Charles Kingsley

To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring.
~W.J. Vogel

O, wind,
If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Spring, summer, and fall fill us with hope; winter alone reminds us of the human condition.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

One kind word can warm three winter months.
~Japanese Proverb

Antisthenes says that in a certain faraway land the cold is so intense that words freeze as soon as they are uttered, and after some time then thaw and become audible, so that words spoken in winter go unheard until the next summer.
~Plutarch, Moralia


 
CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
Leaking Problem  This one from Just For Grins
My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife's insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about
meeting other payments.
We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing in the house that's paid for and it leaks."

 
 
Sue Clements sent this one.
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to  be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so,"  the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS." 

 
 
Evolution of Conservatives and Liberals    I'm open to rebuttal from the Liberal side.

Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.  They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q ' s and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen. '

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, especially microbrews and homebrew. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply forwarding it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately.

I'm open to "cute" rebuttal from the Liberal side. 
All fit to print will be posted.
Send to mfoust@kcnet.org


 
 
Here is an Oldie but Goodie from  Gary n' Patti
The new  Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to
keep the produce fresh.   Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm and the smell of fresh  rain. 
When you  approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh butter fat.
When you approach the egg  case, you hear hens cackle and the air is filled with  the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle.

 
Thanks to Bud Casselberry for emailing this one to me. 
Oklahoma State Trooper Policy: If the temperature drops below single digits check any parked car. 

About 3AM Trooper Allen Nixon #658 responded to a call that there was a car off the shoulder of the road.  He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the the engine still running.  Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.

The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window.  Seeing the rotating light on in his rear view mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked.  He jerked the gear shift into "drive" and hit the gas.  The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.

Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding, but still stationary car.  The driver was totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him.  This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled at the man to pull over.  The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine.  Needless to say, the man from Dumas, Texas was arrested, and is still probably shaking his head over the State Trooper in Oklahoma who could run 50 miles per hour.

Who says State Troopers don't have a sense of humor!

Rumor is -- Pennsylvania State Trooper Policy: If the temperature drops below single digits check any parked car.  So we Pennsylvanians may have some "speedy" troopers with a sense of humor but don't expect a Ha-Ha Warning.

GROANERS:
 
Child for Ransom  From Just For Grins.
A blonde woman was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child for ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note.
"I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park by 7a.m. Signed, The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was a note.
"Here is the money. I can't believe you'd do this to a fellow blonde."

 
 
 
Sue Clements sent this one too.
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired trips to where?
"For our 25 th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands Ralph, please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Brother Ralph: "I'm going to go get her."

 
 
 
The Cowboy Boots (Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)  Wayne Wert sent this one.

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping One of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why.  Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little Boots still didn't want to go on.  By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were.  It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.  She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to.  Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.  No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, "They're my brother's boots.  My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.  But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."


 
 
This gem from Tom Livingston.
Husband:  "When I get mad at you, you never fight back.  How do you control your anger?"
Wife:  "I clean the toilet bowl."
Husband:  "How does that help?"
Wife:  "I use your toothbrush."


SEND EMAIL PLEASE

HOME PAGE
KCNET NEWSLETTER
COMMENTARY AND CLASS SCHEDULE PAGE
MIKE'S COMMENTARY, COMPUTER CLASSES AND COURSES, 
ADVANCED USER GROUP NOTES, SUE'S NEWS & NOTES
TECHNICAL PAGE
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, VIRUS AND OTHER STINKY STUFF,
INTERESTING SITES
KCNET SENIORCENTER.NET HOME PAGE
NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES 2006, 2005, & 2004
KCNET NEWSLETTER MEMBER PAGES