TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
 

TRIVIA: Christmas Trivia Halos to Ho Ho's
--- Christmas comes from Old English; Cristes maesse or Mass of Christ
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/trivia.html#Christmas

--- Santa Claus was born in 280AD as Nicholas, he wore a red and white Bishop's robe
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/triviar.html#Santa

--- The first stockings filled were of 3 poor girls, who had them drying by the fire
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/triviar.html#Stockings

--- People who kissed under the Mistletoe were to end their grievances with each other
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/triviag.html#Mistletoe

--- The first electric Christmas tree lights were telephone switchboard lights
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/triviag.html#Lights

--- The 12 Days of Christmas song was actually a secret message song
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/triviat.html#12%20days%20song

--- Y2K or 2000AD, is not 2000 years since the birth of Christ
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/trivia.html#Birth

--- Caesar Augustus said, "it is better to be Herod's hog then to be his son"
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/people.html#Herod

--- Joseph could had Mary stoned to death for becoming pregnant
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/people.html#Joseph

--- Herod probably feared the Magi (Wisemen)
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/peoplem.html#Magi

--- The Christ child was probably born in a cave
more  http://harleys.freehostia.com/places.html#Bethlehem

What department store created Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Walmarts, J.C.Penny, Montgomery Wards, or Sears
highlight this line for the answer:---->  Montgomery Wards

Much more about Christmas at:  http://harleys.freehostia.com/main.html
 
 
 

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

QUOTES:  Christmas

If you only intend to read one quote this week -- this is the one.
Mike's favorite of this collection.

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. ~attributed to a 7-year-old named Bobby

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.  ~Norman Vincent Peale

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.
~Carol Nelson

Christmas, children, is not a date.  It is a state of mind.
~Mary Ellen Chase

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.  ~Charles Dickens

Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year - and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority.
~W.J. Cameron

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree:  the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
~Burton Hillis

There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.
~W.J. Cameron

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.
~Laura Ingalls Wilder

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!
~Author Unknown

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles Dickens

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.  In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.  ~Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas

Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.
~Washington Irving

Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.
~Kate L. Bosher

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it.  Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.
~Richard Lamm

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!
~Hamilton Wright Mabie

Christmas is forever, not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others is good you do yourself.
~Norman W. Brooks, "Let Every Day Be Christmas"

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.  ~Katharine Whitehorn

 
 

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:

Billy Gates writes to Santa Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you've had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It's really neat how you're able to do that year after year. I guess that's how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you run Christmas. You really have a handle on it. You find out what people want (with letters like this and having kids tell you in person), and then you make the presents and control how they are delivered. It's an impressive operation. I also like how you've got it to where when somebody says "Christmas presents," people automatically think Santa Claus. What a marketing advantage. Best of all, even though you're a huge success, people still don't know much about your private life. It's just rumors. That's so neat. I think being at the North Pole helps. That was a good move. For example, when you're designing toys, only your elves know what you're doing, and you're way up there where nobody can spy on you and steal your ideas. And even if they do, you can always just let it out that you're making the same stuff to bring to people for free, so why would they buy the other guy's stuff? Also, other people who make Christmas presents can't deliver them like you can. Yours is the only sleigh on the distribution highway. You must get some great discounts from them, because if they don't play ball you can just refuse to give out their presents. Very Sharp. What I don't get is why you give away stuff. That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I admit, its why you're number one- who could compete with a deal like that? But it must make it hard to stay in business, especially when you have to visit every kid in the world. You have to keep growing or fail. Here's an idea on how you can help finance your operation: Give everybody at least one present at Christmas, then you could make batteries and sell them the rest of the year. It would create a demand: You give people something and then sell them what they need to make it work. Another thing, about you coming down the chimney. That's so slow and inefficient. And what about all the people who don't have chimneys? Santa. I have one word for you--windows. Everybody has windows. That's about all I have to say. You're probably wondering if I was good or bad this year, but I don't really like to talk about my personal life, if that's O.K. (Just out of curiosity: When you were a boy, did any of the other kids call you a nerd?) Anyway, I don't really have anything to ask for. Mostly I think up something to play with and then build it myself. I guess I'm sort of like you--I make my own toys. Best of luck, Billy Gates

 
 
 
 

Eight Signs You Bought a Lousy Tree   8. Two feet tall, forty feet wide   7. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"   6. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers   5. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride.   4. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it.   3. It's very small and says "air freshener" on it.   2. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours.   1. Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"

 
 
 

You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When...   1. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.   2. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.   3. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.   4. You strike a match and light your nose.   5. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.   6. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"   7. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.   8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.   9. You refill your glass from the fish bowl. 10. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place. 11. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket. 12. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror. 13. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch. 14. You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan. 15. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear. 16. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant. 17. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.

 
 
 

A Boys' Christmas Prayer  Two little boys were staying with their grandparents. While kneeling to say their bedtime prayers the smallest boy began yelling his prayer at the top of his lungs: "DEAR GOD, FOR CHRISTMAS I WOULD LIKE A PLAYSTATION, A MOTOR BIKE, SCOOTER, NEW VIDEO GAMES..." His brother asked him, "Why are you yelling? God can hear you; He is not deaf." The younger brother replied, "I know God is not deaf, but grandma is..."

 
 

GIFT EXCHANGE It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the creche when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. He hurried outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus. So, he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get your passenger, my fine friend?" The little boy replied, "I got Him at church." "And, why did you take Him?", the pastor asked. The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas, I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told Him if He would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give Him a ride around the block in it."

 
 

If Companies Ran Christmas  If Microsoft ran Christmas... Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy a tree as well. You wouldn't have to take the tree, but you still have to pay for it anyway.  Ornament/95 would weigh 1500 pounds (requiring a reinforced steel countertop tree), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your living room, would claim to be the first ornament that uses the colors red/green together.  It would interrogate your other decorations to find out who made them.  Most everyone would hate Microsoft ornaments, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the other tree types wouldn't work with their hooks.  If Apple ran Christmas... It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years earlier, and with a smaller mouse (not stirring of course). If IBM ran Christmas... They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing.  Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.  If Silicon Graphics ran Christmas... Ornaments would be priced slightly higher, but would hang on the tree remarkably quickly.  Also the colors of the ornaments would be prettier than most all the others.  Options would be available for 'equalization' of color combinations on the tree.  If Dell ran Christmas... Wait a minute?  Isn't IBM running this Christmas..??  If Fisher Price ran Christmas... "Baby's First Ornament" would have a hand-crank that you turn to hang the thing on the tree.  If the NSA ran Christmas... Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to monitor your tree for reasons of national security.  If Hewlett-Packard ran Christmas... They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament, which is put in your attic on the weekend after Thanksgiving, and placed out for viewing the day after the January Bowl Games.  If Sony ran Christmas... Their Personal Xmas-ing Device, which would be barely larger than an ornament and flat, would allow you to celebrate the season with a device attached conveniently to your belt.  If the Franklin Mint ran Christmas... Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted item from an authentic Civil War pewter ornament collection.  Each ornament would weight about 7 pounds, and require you to pay shipping and handling charges.  If Thinking Machines ran Christmas... You would be able to hang over 64,000 ornaments on your tree (all identical) at the same time.  If Timex ran Christmas... The holiday would be cheap, small, quartz-crystal driven, and would let you take a licking and keep on shopping.  If Radio Shack ran Christmas... The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for.  Or you could buy parts to build your own tree.  If K-Tel ran Christmas... Ornaments would not be sold in stores, but when you purchased some, they would be accompanied by a free set of Ginsu knives.  If University of Waterloo ran Christmas... They would immediately change the name to WatMas.

GROANERS:

Herb and Midge Larson sent this one. A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The woman says, "Lord help us! Has it come to this?  Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists"

 
 
 

During the recent Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came to an adjournment and left for their hotel.  In the lobby of the hotel several chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging, "I could beat Karpov with no problem". "Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time." "That's nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!" Finally, the hotel manager had had enough and threw them all out of the hotel. But why?" a bystander asked. "Because," the manager replied "I hate ..."chess nuts boasting by an open foyer!"

 
 

I want to see something really cheap After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Mike thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Mike, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "Thats still quite a bit," Mike groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Mike grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror.

 
 
 

Why the Little Angel is at the top of the Christmas Tree ... On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip.  As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped.  So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight.  He then went to check on the rest of the preparations.  The elves were on strike.  The reindeer had shin-splints.  At this point, Santa was BUMMED.  He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY.  Now he was really mad.  All of sudden, there was a knock at the door.  Santa, in his angry state, ignored it.  There was another knock.  Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again, Santa--filled with rage--threw open the door.  Standing there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa!  What do you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?"

 
 

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here." The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these hi-way robbery prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."

 
 

What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. ! Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ? They both drop their needles ! What's Christmas called in England ? Yule Britannia ! What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ? Thanks, I'll never part with it ! Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ? Beacause a little water ends both of them ! What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ? A pineapple ! What do you give a train driver for Christmas ? Platform shoes ! What did the big candle say to the little candle ? I'm going out tonight ! Whats happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy ! How long does it take to burn a candle down ? About a wick ! What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It's Christmas, Eve ! What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ? Black mail ! What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail? She’d go to a “re-tail”shop for a new one! What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke? This one will “sleigh” you! How do you get into Donner's house? You ring the “deer”-bell!

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