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 07/16/06  &  07/23/06

TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS

TRIVIA:
The four presidential heads of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, and Theodore Roosevelt were sculpted on Mount Rushmore in South Dakota by Gutzon Borglum who had completed a colossal bas-relief of Confederate heroes on the face of Stone Mountain in Georgia.  Work began in the summer of 1927 and dragged on for 14 years, its cost escalating to $1 million.  He died in 1941 shortly before it was completed.  His son oversaw the final work.  (Thank you, well noted..  Maris!) [Source: Reader's Digest - Strange Stories, Amazing Facts of America's Past (1989)] maris stanard from clinton, mississippi, usa (19 May 2000)

As cats sharpen their claws, they leave a scent signals.  Glands in the feet leave secretions, letting other cats know who has been there.  Also, in certain places on the cat's body, there are special sabaceous glands that produce the secretions used to leave Scent messages: These glands are clustered around the cat's face, neck, shoulders, near it's tail, and on the under sides of the paw.  Ed's Note: So true Katie!  [Source: CATS The Complete Guide] Katie Barnes from Summerville SC, Dorchester County (10 April 2000)

Dr.  Pepper and the Ice cream cone was introduced during the 1904 St.  Louis Exposition, where the 1904 Summer Olympics took place.  [Source: the radio] fred from usa (23 March 2000)

The so-called 'Peace Sign' or symbol may have had biblical origins, but in the sixties, it stood for the combined semaphore letters 'N' and 'D' for Nuclear Disarmament.  That's straight from the Haight in the 'Summer of Love.' [Source: An unpopular nuclear engineer.] Don Howard from San Jose, CA, USA (1 January 2000)

La Paz, the capital city of Bolivia is the highest capital in the world.  Ski resorts there operate only on weekends during the South American summer (November to March).  At an elevation of over 17,000 feet, it is too cold to operate during the South American winter.  [Source: Internet] Dreamweave from Australia - New South Wales - Central Coast (2 December 1999)

It is a very curious fact that, although the pack of 52 cards (standard playing deck) was ostensibly produced simply for gaming, it contains a numerical symbolism which is related to the year and to nature.  The four suits correspond to the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter.  They also remind us of the four winds: North, East, South and West.  The two colours, red and black, represent day and night.  The 52 cards represent the 52 weeks of the year.  The four suits of 13 cards each, correspond to the four quarters of the year, each having 13 weeks.  The twelve court cards are analogous to the twelve months of the year; and to the twelve hours between noon and midnight.  The face value, or pips, of each suit, from Ace to ten, add up to 55.  If we call the Jack 11, the Queen 12, and the King 13, then the total of pips for each suit is 91.  Multiply this by 4, and it gives a grand total for the whole pack of 364 - plus 1, the Joker and we have 365, the number of days in the year.  Furthermore, the four suits of 13 cards each remind us of the four phases of the moon: new moon, first quarter, full moon and last quarter.  These four phases make a lunar month and 13 lunar months are reckoned to the year.  [Source: 'Natural Magic' a book by Doreen Valiente (cpywrt.  1975)] Earthfriend from Regina, Canada (8 November 1999)

Edward Eagan won gold medals in both the Summer (boxing) and Winter (bobsleigh) Olympic Games.  [Source: The depths of my sad useless facts brain] Lynne from Preston, England (24 August 1999)

Melbourne is the first city to host the Summer Olympic Games in the southern hemisphere.  [Source: Olympic Fact Book] Peter K from Vienna (9 July 1999)

Star Wars I: People may or may not have noticed this but there is a shot in the senate chamber room after Amidala asked for a vote of no confidence where it shows uproars in some of the senator's pods on the walls.  One shot shows E.T.'s in the lower left hand corner.  Lucas probably put it in there as a joke for Spielberg.  [Source: The Phantom Menace] Summer Cummins from Oklahoma (3 June 1999)
 


QUOTES:
Man has never made any material more resilient as the human spirit.
--Bernard Williams

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
--Unknown

Men can be stimulated to show off their good qualities to the leader who seems to think they have good qualities.
--John Richelsen

The really patriotic citizen is the one who loves.
--Patrick J. Hayes

Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart.
--Mort Walker

Where nature is concerned, familiarity breeds love and knowledge, not contempt.
--Stewart L. Udall
 
 


 
 
CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
This is a word puzzle sent by Sue Clements.  It had me chuckling for quite a time.  I can't believe I had to look at the answer.

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.  On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.  Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.  What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? 
Click here to see the answer:  A quick return will be available.


 
"Good Old Days"  A good one from Wayne Wert
 Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!"
Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those video cameras everywhere you look."

 
 
Tim Yoho sent this story.  The story is a rerun but it is good and the graphics are just great, suitable for the situation.  Someone has really worked on this one.
Why Priests Don’t Marry
The Answer Revealed!  A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.  He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery  where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked  vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing,  "We missed the "R", we missed the "R" !!!!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying  uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...

CELEBRATE!!!"


 
 
MORAL OF A STORY   Sue Clements sent this one.
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment...  Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.  The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too.  But we raise chickens for the meat market.  We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah. 
Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.  Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit.  She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.  She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.  Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.  Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay far away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking".

 
 
What Is Love?  From Just For Grins
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love.
"I thought I was in love three times," one friend says.
"How so"? his friend asks.
"Five years ago, I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me."
"Was that not love"? his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was obsession.
And then two years ago, I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Was that love"?
"No," he replies. "That was lust.
And just last year, I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere we met on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Was that love"? his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was seasickness." 
GROANERS:
 
Gary Clark sent this one.
A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, "Next Sunday, I am going to preach on the subject of liars. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17."
On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said, "Last week I asked you all to read Mark 17. If you have read the chapter, please raise your hand." Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Smiling, the preacher
said, "You are the very people I want to talk to.
Mark has only 16 chapters."

 
 
A summer job  Dave Glossner sent this one.
A teenager had a summer job at the supermarket bagging groceries.
The store installed a juice machine and began selling fresh orange juice. The teenager was fascinated by the juicer. He asked his manager if he could use the machine.
The manager refused, saying, "Sorry, but baggers can't be juicers."

 
 
A Day of Fun  From Just For Grins.
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego"?
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift"?
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already, so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I' ll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes, he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. What are you doing here"? he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over, so now we're going to Sea World!"

 
 
The answer to Sue Clement's joke puzzle is:  

"Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk again."
Click here to return to the rest of this weeks Chuckles.
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