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 01/01/06

TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
TRIVIA: New Year Trivia Quiz
Ten multiple choice trivia questions about New Year holiday history and tradition By Deanna Mascle,

1. Under which calendar is New Year's Day Jan. 1?
A. Julian Calendar
B. Gregorian Calendar
C. Jewish Calendar
D. Chinese Calendar
E. All of the above

B. Gregorian Calendar
QQ: New Year's Day is the first day of the year, Jan. 1, in the Gregorian calendar. Traditionally the day has been observed as a religious feast, but in modern times the arrival of the New Year has also become an occasion for spirited celebration and the making of personal resolutions.

2. What calendar determines the date of the Chinese New Year?
A. Lunar
B. Solar
C. Chinese
D. Zen

A. Lunar
QQ: The Chinese New Year, traditionally based on the lunar calendar, is celebrated in many American cities with the roar of blazing firecrackers, dancing dragons made from papier mâché and cloth, and traditional music.

3. Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of the new year for what religion?
A. Muslim
B. Christian
C. Buddhist
D. Jewish

D. Jewish
QQ: Rosh Hashanah (Hebrew, "beginning of the year"), Jewish New Year, celebrated on the first and second days of the Jewish month of Tishri (falling in September or October) by Orthodox and Conservative Jews and on the first day alone by Reform Jews. It begins the observance of the Ten Penitential Days, a period ending with Yom Kippur that is the most solemn of the Jewish calendar. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are known as the High Holy Days.

4. Kwanzaa is a seven-day holiday that begins Dec. 26 and extends through Jan. 1. What does the word mean in Swahili?
A. First fruits
B. First people
C. First days
D. First dance

A. First fruits
QQ: Kwanzaa, or matunda ya kwanza, is Swahili for "first fruits". This is an African American holiday observed by African communities throughout the world that celebrates family, community, and culture. Kwanzaa has its roots in the ancient African first-fruit harvest celebrations from which it takes its name. However, its modern history begins in 1966 when it was developed by African American scholar and activist Maulana Karenga.

5. In the Middle Ages most European countries used the Julian calendar, so they observed New Year's Day when?
A. Feb. 14th
B. March 25th
C. April 1st
D. May 21st

B. March 25th
QQ: In the Middle Ages most European countries used the Julian calendar and observed New Year's Day on March 25, called Annunciation Day and celebrated as the occasion on which it was revealed to Mary that she would give birth to the Son of God.

6. The name January is derived from the Roman god Janus. What is he the god of?
A. Wine and grapes
B. Babies and childbirth
C. Clocks and calendars
D. Gates and doors

D. Gates and doors
QQ: The name of the month is derived from Janus, the Roman god of gates and doors, and hence of openings and beginnings. January was the 11th month of the year in the ancient Roman calendar; in the 2nd century BC, however, it came to be regarded as the first month. On January 1 the Romans offered sacrifices to Janus so that he would bless the new year.

7. When to the practioners of Tibetan Buddhism celebrate New Year's?
A. Never
B. January
C. February
D. March

C. February
QQ: Much of the ritual of Tibetan Buddhism is based on the esoteric mysticism of Tantra, devotions that involve both yoga and mantra, or a mystical formula, and ancient shamanistic practices. On special holidays the temples, shrines, and altars of the lamas are decorated with symbolic figures; milk, butter, tea, flour, and similar offerings are brought by the worshipers, animal sacrifices being strictly forbidden. Tibetan Buddhist religious festivals are numerous. The most notable are New Year's, celebrated in February and marking the commencement of spring

8. The Roman New Year festival was called the Calends, and people decorated their homes and gave each other gifts. In early times, the ancient Romans gave each other New Year's gifts of branches from sacred trees. Later they gave small items, such as nuts or coins, imprinted with pictures of what God?
A. Julius Caesar
B. Jesus Christ
C. Janus
D. Zeus

C. Janus
QQ: In later years, they gave gold-covered nuts or coins imprinted with pictures of Janus, the god of gates, doors, and beginnings. January was named after Janus, who had two faces--one looking forward and the other looking backward. The Romans also brought gifts to the emperor. The emperors eventually began to demand such gifts.

9. What New Year's gift did ancient Persians give?
A. Money
B. Eggs
C. Cakes
D. Rugs

B. Eggs
QQ: The ancient Persians gave New Year's gifts of eggs, which symbolized productiveness.

10. In ancient Egypt what event dictated the timing of New Year's celebrations?
A. Pharaoh's birthday
B. Flooding of Nile
C. Solar eclipse
D. Exact alignment of stars with Great Pyramid

B. Flooding of Nile
QQ: In ancient Egypt, New Year was celebrated at the time the River Nile flooded, which was near the end of September. The flooding of the Nile was very important because without it, the people would not have been able to grow crops in the dry desert. At New Year, statues of the god, Amon and his wife and son were taken up the Nile by boat. Singing, dancing, and feasting was done for a month, and then the statues were taken back to the temple.

QUOTES:  New Years Quotes

Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunder-storm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols.
-Thomas Mann

Each age has deemed the new-born year
The fittest time for festal cheer.
-Sir Walter Scott

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
-Bill Vaughan

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
-Bill Vaughan

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
-Author Unknown

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
-Author Unknown

No one ever regarded the First of January with indifference. It is that from which all date their time, and count upon what is left. It is the nativity of our common Adam.
-Charles Lamb

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.
-Charles Lamb

The merry year is born
Like the bright berry from the naked thorn.
-Hartley Coleridge

New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.
-Hamilton Wright

Mabie The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!
-Edward Payson Powell

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past.
-Henry Ward Beecher

The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows.
-George William Curtis

I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.
-Helen Fielding,

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
-P.J. O'Rourke

We meet today
To thank Thee for the era done,
And Thee for the opening one.
-John Greenleaf Whittier
 
 

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
 
 
Looking for the wife.    This one from Joe Marasco
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?
The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?" 
The first old guy says, "Doesn't matter ---let's look for yours! 

 
 
Get Out Much?  This one from Good Clean Fun and Bud Casselberry.
While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started talking.
He asked where my kids go to school.
I told him we home-schooled them.
With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family.
I said, "No, I also work ... out of our home."
Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in.
"He was born at home," I answered.
The man looked at me, then said,   "Wow, you don't get out much, do you?" 

 
 
In the Beginning  A rerun but still funny. From Just For Grins
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said "Yea," and woman said, "And another one with sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And man replied, "Yea! And super size 'em." And man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.

GROANERS:
 
Fertilizer...Dr Bill Hamm sent this one to Bud
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.
A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called,
"What've you got in your truck?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him.  "We put sugar and cream on ours." 

 
 
Change for a $15 bill: - Dr Bill again. 
An incompetent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store.
He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him,  "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that, an eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?" 

 
 
Star power...Dr Bill is on a roll this week.
Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project -- an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger being courted for the top roles.
Spielberg really hoped to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, as long as they among the most famous.
"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart.  I would love to play him."
"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."
"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Seagal. "I'd like to play him."
Spielberg was very pleased with these choices.  "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"
Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach." 

 
 
I didn't guess the punch line.  From Just For Grins.
A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.
Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out.
She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"


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