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"Wipeout" KCNET NEWSLETTER
FUN PAGE
10/02/05

TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
TRIVIA:   Presidential Trivia. This week, James Monroe & Richard Milhous Nixon

James Monroe
* The capital of Liberia is Monrovia, named after James Monroe.
* Monroe's daughter, Maria Monroe, was the first person ever to be married in the White House.
* In the election of 1820, Monroe received every electoral vote except one. A New Hampshire delegate casted his vote
          on an unknown because he wanted Washington to be the only president to be elected unanimously.
* Monroe's inauguration in 1817 was the first to be held outdoors.
* Monroe was the first president to ride on a steamboat.
* Monroe was the only president to serve in two different cabinet posts. He was Secretary of State and War.
* James Monroe was the first president to tour the country.
* No one ran against Monroe when he ran for his second term in 1820.
* Monroe was the first U.S. senator to be elected president.
* Monroe was wounded during the Revolutionary War.
* Monroe's favorite foods were chicken, breads, and biscuits.
* The White House was still being rebuilt when he became president. On January 1, 1818, the president and his wife
          held a public reception marking the reopening of the White House. He sold his own furniture to the government
          because the White House was almost empty when he moved in. The charred remains of the mansion's interior
          were used to fill a pit on top of which Monroe planted his vegetable garden. Archaeologists unearthed the pit
          when President Ford's swimming pool was dug.
* The year he was elected, the White House was painted white.

Richard Milhous Nixon
* Nixon was the first to address the Russians on Russian television.
* His Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, won a Nobel Peace Prize.
* He had the White House swimming pool filled in to give the press more room to stand when covering White House events.
* Nixon was a second cousin twice removed of Jessamyn West, a seventh cousin twice removed of William Howard Taft,
         and an eighth cousin once removed of Herbert Hoover.
* He was the first president to visit China while in office.
* Nixon suffered from motion sickness and hay fever.
* Nixon's mother wanted him to become a Quaker missionary; Nixon wanted to be an FBI agent.
* He parted his hair to the right to hide a large scar resulting from a childhood accident.
* Nixon's favorite sport was football. Before Super Bowl VI, Nixon called Miami Dolphins coach, Don Shula, to
        recommend a play. The play never did work.
* Nixon was the first president to visit all 50 states.
* Milhous was his mother's maiden name.
* He was our only president to resign from office. His letter of resignation was as follows: "Dear Mr. Secretary:
        I hearby resign the office of the President of the United States. Sincerely, Richard M. Nixon."

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
                                  Burglary Witness: Dr Bill Hamm sent this to Bud.

An old man was a witness in a burglary case.
The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?"
"Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods."
The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night.
Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes, says Sam. "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam, listen, you are an 80-year-old, and your eyesight is probably bad.
Just how far can you see at night?"
Sam says, "I can see the moon. How far is that?"

                     It all made sense to Jordan. Good Clean Fun.

When Ruth's grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up.
One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye.
He cried for a while and kept saying, "Oh no, oh no,
now I can't be a doctor when I grow up."
Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn't.
Finally she asked, "Why can't you be a doctor?"
Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said,
"Because now I will have to be a pirate!"

                  There is something good in every situation.       From Bud and Good Clean Fun.

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, my Uncle Joe was hired by a warehouse.
One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.
Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Uncle Joe's wages to pay for the repairs.
"How much will it cost?" asked my uncle.
"About $4,500," said the owner.
"What a relief!" exclaimed Uncle Joe.
"I've finally got job security!"

Wayne Smith sent this one.

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.
The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those dirty %$#&* deducted $95.00 in taxes.

A Mistress David Glossner sent this one. It is a cutie.

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.
The computer scientist says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"

Navajo Wisdom Gary Clark sent this one. I'm not so sure I like it, but it did produce a snicker.

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you open a bottle of wine.
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.
The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, " It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."

Four Little Words C. Wayne Wert for this one.

Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life.
Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, he's sweet, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!"
"He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked.
Heather replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'."

GROANERS:

              Where?   Bud Casselberry got this one from Good Clean Fun.

Torrential rainstorms were knocking down power lines all over town.
That meant, as a customer service rep for the electric company, I was dispatching repairmen right and left.
When one lineman called a customer to get her exact address, he was told, "I'm at Post Office Box 99."
The weary lineman replied, "Ma'am, I'll be coming to you in a truck, not an envelope."

                  Dr Bill Hamm sent this one too.

Over breakfast one morning, Sue said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he indignantly answered, getting up from the table and going out the door to go to KCnet.
At 10am, the doorbell rang. When the Sue opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses. At 1pm, a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
Sue couldn't wait for Mike to come home.
When he did, she exclaimed, "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!
I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"
This would work for me. Groundhog Day is Sue's birthday.
But I'd never do flowers, chocolate, or a dress. A cheap Happy Birthday card, with no stamp is more my style.
Mike

          Dave Glossner sent this one.

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me.
If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday
for the rest of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."

             Great Cheese

The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased with his meal that he asked to speak to the chef.
The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.
"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there."
"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. - - - Ours is imported!"

ALL DONE!!!

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