TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS

TRIVIA:   Presidential Trivia. This week, James Madison, Jr. & Gerald Rudolph Ford, Jr. (Leslie Lynch King, Jr.)

James Madison, Jr.

*  Madison was our smallest President, weighing 100 pounds, and standing 5 feet and
       4 inches tall.
*  Madison was the first President to wear trousers instead of knee breeches.
*  James Madison was one of two Presidents to sign the U.S. Constitution.
*  Madison, Wisconsin is named after James Madison.
*  Madison was a half first cousin twice removed of George Washington and a
       second cousin of Zachary Taylor.
*  During the War of 1812 Madison was under enemy fire. He was the first president
       to be in that situation. (Some people may question whether this is true or not
       since George Washington led troops during the Whiskey Rebellion, some say
       that he was the first to be under enemy fire. Nevertheless, I added this
       fact because I read it in several different places.
*  Madison was younger than both of his vice presidents, and both of his vice
       presidents died while they were in office.
*  When he was dying, Madison was offered drugs so that he might live until
       Independence Day. He refused and died on June 28, 1836.
*  Madison's inaugural jacket was woven from the wool of sheep raised at his home
       in Virginia.
*  Madison was diagnosed as epileptic.
*  Madison was the first U.S. Congressman to become president.
*  He was named after his father.
*  His wife Dolley Madison served as Thomas Jefferson's White House hostess
       when James was his Secretary of State. As First Lady, she courageously
       rescued the famous portrait of George Washington by Gilbert when fleeing
       from the burning White House in 1812. That portrait is the only remaining
       possession from the original building.

Gerald Rudolph Ford, Jr. (Leslie Lynch King, Jr.)

*  Except in formal signature, he signs his name Jerry Ford.
*  Gerald Ford had two attempts on his life in California during the
         month of September,1975. Both attempts were by women.
*  Ford was once a male model.
*  He became Vice President and President without being elected to either office.
*  Ford had another swimming pool dug after he became president because Richard
       Nixon had had it filled in.
* Ford was on the University of Michigan football team from 1931 to 1934. He was
      offered tryouts by both the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears.
*  In 1977 he had a hole-in-one at the Memphis Classic.
*  He is right-handed, but he writes with his left hand.
*  Ford was the only president to serve without being chosen in the national election.
*  When Ford proposed to to his wife, he was wearing one brown & one black shoe
*  Ford was the first President to have been an Eagle Scout.
*  Ford's daughter Susan held her senior prom at the White House.
*  Ford was the head boxing coach and assistant football coach at Yale University.
*  Ford was one of the members of the Warren Commission appointed to study the
       assination of President John F. Kennedy.
*  He was born Leslie Lynch King, Jr. after his biological father. He was renamed after
       his adoptive father.
*  He was the first President to visit Japan while in office.

QUOTES:
"We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda, it is a form of truth."
--John F. Kennedy

"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee and I'll forgive Thy great big one on me."
--Robert Lee Frost

"Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Man's maturity: to have regained the seriousness that he had as a child at play."
--Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"Desire is the most important factor in the success of any athlete."
--Willie Shoemaker

"Ever notice that people never say "It's only a game" when they're winning?"
-- Ivern Ball

"I try to do the right thing at the right time. They may just be little things, but usually they make the difference
between winning and losing."
-- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
 

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:

                                Late Night Studying   This gem from C. Wayne Wert

My husband, Cal, grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door.  Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong. "I have to ask you to move your car," Cal told him. "Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?" "No," Cal replied, "it's at the wrong address."

 

              Bud sent this one from Good Clean Fun... Kids can be funny without trying.

Air Museum At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees and feels. A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who gets in. When my two-year-old son sat down in the plane, he seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said, "Gramma, could I have a quarter?"

 

                     Farewell Song,,,  This one tore me up.  Good Clean Fun and Bud Again

There was a woman who spent some months serving at a religious mission in Kenya.  On her final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic. As the Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies. She wanted to always remember so she recorded this moment and would share it with friends when she arrived home. With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and asked, "Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?" Her friend looked at her and solemnly replied,   "If you boil the water, you won't get diarrhea."

 
                         Almost worked...From Just For Grins

                                  Gary n' Patti sent this one.

                This spoof on those unreal spam emails that constantly tour the cyber waves came from
                           Irishrose, Rosemary Bednarczyk.

GROANERS:
 

          Herb Budinger Sent this one.  It is a repeat but it is a good Groaner.

According to report, the U.S.  has a bazooka-like gun used for firing dead chickens at aircraft windshields as a safety test.  They supposedly sent one of these guns to the U.K.  for the British to use. Not long after this the British sent the U.S.  a memo saying their aircraft windshields must be defective.  Not only did they all fail the test but there was also considerable damage to the instruments and even some broken seats! The U.S.  reportedly replied that the chickens were to be thawed before using...

                     Now this one from Herb is a REAL GROANER.;

A mother skunk was always in a panic because she couldn't keep track of her two tiny ones.  One was named Out and the other In.  When Out was in, In was out.  One day she saw Out but couldn't find In.  She told Out to go out and bring In in.  In about twenty seconds, Out brought In in. Surprised, the mother skunk asked, "How did you find him so fast?" The tiny skunk answered, "It was easy.  In stinct!"

                     Sue Clements sent this cutie

Paddy applies for a job, but the foreman won't employ him until he passes a little maths test. "Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" the Irishman says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Haven't you got a brain? Tree and tree and tree makes nine," says the Irishman. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Apply the same rules using the number 99, this time." The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Dere you go." The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat equals 99." The boss starts getting worried that he's actually going to have to give the Irishman the job, so he says, "All right, final question: same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Dere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the illustration and bursts out: "You must be stupid if you think that represents a hundred!" Whereby the Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, saying: "A little dog came along and crapped by each tree. So now you've got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat makes one hundred... So, when do I be starting the job?!"

PLEASE

	HOME PAGE KCNET NEWSLETTER
	COMMENTARY AND CLASS SCHEDULE PAGE MIKE'S COMMENTARY, SCHEDULE OF KCNET CLASSES,  NEWS & NOTES BY SUE FOUST
	TECHNICAL PAGE TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, VIRUS AND OTHER STINKY STUFF, INTERESTING SITES
	KCNET SENIORCENTER.NET HOME PAGE NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES 2005, 2004, 2003, & 2002 KCNET NEWSLETTER MEMBER PAGES