You live in Arizona when..
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because
you found shade.
2. You can open and drive your car without
touching the car door or the steering wheel.
3. You've experienced condensation on your
butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything to be able to splash
cold water on your face.
5. You can attend any function wearing shorts
and a tank top.
6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools
and universities. Picture lingerie ads.
7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction
and never leave town.
8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really
hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable
to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
You Live in California when...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't
afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out
to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going
down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your
neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far something
is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many
miles away it is.
You Live in New York City when...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone
to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty
or the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about
how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin
on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature".
5. You believe that being able to swear at
people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You Live in Maine when...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper,
ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with
less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter,
almost winter, and construction.
You Live in the Deep South when...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the
same store.
2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't
from 'round here, are Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob,
Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
You live in Colorado when...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop
your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola
on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still
have a pony tail.
You live in the Midwest when...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the
mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars
waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C"
on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's
my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic
place, you say, "It was different!"
You live in Florida when....
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some
kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in
the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by
headless people |