Here are the 10 first place
winners in the International Pun Contest. Wayne Smith sent
this set of Groaners.
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying
two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry,
sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2 Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One
says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first
replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who
refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental
medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked
into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office
and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved
off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an
open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up
for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan" Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had
a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! ...If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. Three friars were behind on their
belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist
across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if
they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving
that ... only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked
barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses
on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him
... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person
who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Not true -- I chuckled at all of these. Mike |