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"CQ Boogie" KCNET NEWSLETTER
FUN PAGE
06/26/05

TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS

TRIVIA:
American Film Institute's List of Top 100 Quotes From U.S. Films
1. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," "Gone With the Wind," 1939.
2. "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse," "The Godfather," 1972.
3. "You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am," "On the Waterfront," 1954.
4. "Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore," "The Wizard of Oz," 1939.
5. "Here's looking at you, kid," "Casablanca," 1942.
6. "Go ahead, make my day," "Sudden Impact," 1983.
7. "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up," "Sunset Blvd.," 1950.
8. "May the Force be with you," "Star Wars," 1977.
9. "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night," "All About Eve," 1950.
10. "You talking to me?" "Taxi Driver," 1976.
11. "What we've got here is failure to communicate," "Cool Hand Luke," 1967.
12. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning," "Apocalypse Now," 1979.
13. "Love means never having to say you're sorry," "Love Story," 1970.
14. "The stuff that dreams are made of," "The Maltese Falcon," 1941.
15. "E.T. phone home," "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial," 1982.
16. "They call me Mister Tibbs!", "In the Heat of the Night," 1967.
17. "Rosebud," "Citizen Kane," 1941.
18. "Made it, Ma! Top of the world!", "White Heat," 1949.
19. "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!", "Network," 1976.
20. "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," "Casablanca," 1942.
21. "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti," "The Silence of the Lambs," 1991.
22. "Bond. James Bond," "Dr. No," 1962.
23. "There's no place like home," "The Wizard of Oz," 1939.
24. "I am big! It's the pictures that got small," "Sunset Blvd.," 1950.
25. "Show me the money!", "Jerry Maguire," 1996.
26. "Why don't you come up sometime and see me?", "She Done Him Wrong," 1933.
27. "I'm walking here! I'm walking here!", "Midnight Cowboy," 1969.
28. "Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By,'" "Casablanca," 1942.
29. "You can't handle the truth!", "A Few Good Men," 1992.
30. "I want to be alone," "Grand Hotel," 1932.
31. "After all, tomorrow is another day!", "Gone With the Wind," 1939.
32. "Round up the usual suspects," "Casablanca," 1942.
33. "I'll have what she's having," "When Harry Met Sally...," 1989.
34. "You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow," "To Have and Have Not," 1944.
35. "You're gonna need a bigger boat," "Jaws," 1975.
36. "Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinking badges!", "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre," 1948.
37. "I'll be back," "The Terminator," 1984.
38. "Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth," "The Pride of the Yankees," 1942.
39. "If you build it, he will come," "Field of Dreams," 1989.
40. "Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get," "Forrest Gump," 1994.
41. "We rob banks," "Bonnie and Clyde," 1967.
42. "Plastics," "The Graduate," 1967.
43. "We'll always have Paris," "Casablanca," 1942.
44. "I see dead people," "The Sixth Sense," 1999.
45. "Stella! Hey, Stella!", "A Streetcar Named Desire," 1951.
46. "Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars," "Now, Voyager," 1942.
47. "Shane. Shane. Come back!", "Shane," 1953.
48. "Well, nobody's perfect," "Some Like It Hot," 1959.
49. "It's alive! It's alive!", "Frankenstein," 1931.
50. "Houston, we have a problem," "Apollo 13," 1995.
51. "You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?", "Dirty Harry," 1971.
52. "You had me at `hello,'" "Jerry Maguire," 1996.
53. "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know," "Animal Crackers," 1930.
54. "There's no crying in baseball!", "A League of Their Own," 1992.
55. "La-dee-da, la-dee-da," "Annie Hall," 1977.
56. "A boy's best friend is his mother," "Psycho," 1960.
57. "Greed, for lack of a better word, is good," "Wall Street," 1987.
58. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer," "The Godfather Part II," 1974.
59. "As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again," "Gone With the Wind," 1939.
60. "Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!", "Sons of the Desert," 1933.
61. "Say `hello' to my little friend!", "Scarface," 1983.
62. "What a dump," "Beyond the Forest," 1949.
63. "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?", "The Graduate," 1967.
64. "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!", "Dr. Strangelove," 1964.
65. "Elementary, my dear Watson," "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes," 1929.
66. "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape," "Planet of the Apes," 1968.
67. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine," "Casablanca," 1942.
68. "Here's Johnny!", "The Shining," 1980.
69. "They're here!", "Poltergeist," 1982.
70. "Is it safe?", "Marathon Man," 1976.
71. "Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain't heard nothin' yet!", "The Jazz Singer," 1927.
72. "No wire hangers, ever!", "Mommie Dearest," 1981.
73. "Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?", "Little Caesar," 1930.
74. "Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown," "Chinatown," 1974.
75. "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers," "A Streetcar Named Desire," 1951.
76. "Hasta la vista, baby," "Terminator 2: Judgment Day," 1991.
77. "Soylent Green is people!", "Soylent Green," 1973.
78. "Open the pod bay doors, HAL," "2001: A Space Odyssey," 1968.
79. Striker: "Surely you can't be serious." Rumack: "I am serious ... and don't call me Shirley," "Airplane!", 1980.
80. "Yo, Adrian!", "Rocky," 1976.
81. "Hello, gorgeous," "Funny Girl," 1968.
82. "Toga! Toga!", "National Lampoon's Animal House," 1978.
83. "Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make," "Dracula," 1931.
84. "Oh, no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast," "King Kong," 1933.
85. "My precious," "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers," 2002.
86. "Attica! Attica!", "Dog Day Afternoon," 1975.
87. "Sawyer, you're going out a youngster, but you've got to come back a star!", "42nd Street," 1933.
88. "Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armor. Don't you forget it. You're going to get back on that horse, and I'm going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we're gonna go, go, go!", "On Golden Pond," 1981.
89. "Tell 'em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper," "Knute Rockne, All American," 1940.
90. "A martini. Shaken, not stirred," "Goldfinger," 1964.
91. "Who's on first," "The Naughty Nineties," 1945.
92. "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac ... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!", "Caddyshack," 1980.
93. "Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!", "Auntie Mame," 1958.
94. "I feel the need — the need for speed!", "Top Gun," 1986.
95. "Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary," "Dead Poets Society," 1989.
96. "Snap out of it!", "Moonstruck," 1987.
97. "My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you," "Yankee Doodle Dandy," 1942.
98. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner," "Dirty Dancing," 1987.
99. "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!", "The Wizard of Oz," 1939.
100. "I'm king of the world!", "Titanic," 1997.

QUOTES:
"On the human chessboard, all moves are possible."
--Miriam Schiff

"It's never too late -- in fiction or in life -- to revise."
--Nancy Thayer

"You have no idea how big the other fellow's troubles are."
--B. C. Forbes

"Spartans, stoics, heroes, saints and gods use a short and powerful speech."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I should be glad if I could flatter myself that I came as near to the central idea of the occasion in two hours as you
did in two minutes."
--Edward Everett to Abraham Lincoln

"A speech is like a love affair. Any fool can start it, but to end it requires considerable skill."
--Lord Mancroft

"Immense power is acquired by assuring yourself in your secret reveries that you were born to control affairs."
--Andrew Carnegie

"Hope is a risk that must be run."
--Georges Bernanos

"When thinking won't cure fear, action will."
--W. Clement Stone

"Truth will sooner come out of error than from confusion."
--Francis Bacon

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd dare to make more mistakes the next time."
--Nadine Stair

"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner."
--Tallulah Bankhead

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:

Short Prayers and questions for God from little cherubs. Irishrose, Rosemary Bednarczyk sent these.
As my mother would say "There're as cute as the deuce."   I always wandered what that meant, and still do. (Mike)
1. Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda
2. Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce
3. Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. Janet
4. God, I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me.    Love Alison
5. Dear God, How did you know you were God? Who told you? Charlene
6. Dear God, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house? Anita
7. Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nancy
8. Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too. Glenn
9. Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go? Love, Dennis
10. Dear God, Do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does? Nathan
11. Dear God, Did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident? Norma
12. Dear God, In bible times, did they really talk that fancy? Jennifer
13. Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now? Billy
14. Dear God, Please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year. Peter
15. Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. It works out OK with me and my brother.   Larry
16. Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget. Mark
17. Dear God, My brother told me about how you are born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say? Marsha
18. Dear God, If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes. Barbara
19. Dear God, Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business? Donny
20. Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that. I am not just saying that because you are already God. Charles
21. Dear God, It is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can't you do that with the moon? Jeff
22. Dear God, I am doing the best I can. Really !!!! Frank
And, saving the best for last . .
23. Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool. Thomas

LITTLE JOHNNY Harold Pepperman sent this one to Bud Casselberry and Bud forwarded it to ...
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance. . .Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.
After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Mr. Smith doesn't think the little Johnny is so adorable anymore.

No one believes seniors . . everyone thinks they are senile. Sonya VanOrder sent this one.
An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.

Andy said, "We've got to give it back."

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag ! and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door. "Pardon me, but did either o f you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . "

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

A new wine for seniors Jack Laubscher sent this one.
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as Pino More.

Better Trainer C. Wayne Wert sent this one.
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation.
At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him."
Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was.
"Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around really smart people."

GROANERS:

Another Blonde one: Gary Clark sent this one.
Three blondes were applying for the last available position on the Oklahoma Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be a cop, eh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture, and said,"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc".
He stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It' s a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face!"Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused, too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned , took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and! said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Duh! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Herb Budinger sent this one--It is old but then there is a whole new generation of readers that may not recognize it.
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yep," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba.
"I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work.
I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people.
Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward St.
Peter's.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his bos! s has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

The Blonde Year In Review Yikes!! This one from Irishrose, Rosemary Bednarczyk.
January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.
March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."
April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.
August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.
September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."
October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.
December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button

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