"The Entertainer"

KCNET NEWSLETTER
 FUN PAGE
 06/05/05


HEALTH:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
TO YOUR HEALTH:
Virtual Hospital   This was a Kim Komando site suggestion
The Virtual Hospital is a service of the University of Iowa.  It contains a wealth of health-related information.
Search for information by topic, symptom, body location or medical specialty.  Then, link to articles to learn more about health conditions.
Most of the information is aimed at adults.  But you’ll also find articles that specifically address pediatric health.  So parents will find this helpful.  Most importantly, articles on prevention will help keep you and your loved ones healthy.
Doctors’ understanding of medical conditions changes regularly.  Fortunately, the Virtual Hospital features a news section.  The monthly updates will keep you abreast of advances in the medical field.
www.vh.org

Date Rape Drugs - What You Need To Know About Them
There is a growing concern on campuses across the country due to the presence of predator drugs.  This article will focus on three drugs threatening personal safety:
Rohypnol (Roofies, Rope, Ruffies, R2, Ruffles, Roche, Forget-pill)
Gamma Hydroxy Butyrate (GHB, Liquid Extacy, Liquid X, Scoop, Easy Lay)
Ketamine Hydrochloride ('K', Special K, Vitamin K, Ket)

Rohypnol It is a potent tranquilizer which produces a sedative effect, amnesia, muscle relaxation, and slowing of psychomotor response.  The pill is distributed in 0.5,1.0 to
2.0 milligram form (Restrictions have been placed on the 2.0 mg form).  It is colorless, odorless, and tasteless and dissolves without leaving any traces.  It takes effect approximately 10 - 20 minutes after ingestion.  Rohypnol can be added to any liquid (effect lasting 2-8 hours) but when added to alcohol it produces disinhibition and amnesia (effect lasting 8 - 24 hours).  Rohypnol can be detected in the blood for 24 hours and in the urine for 48 hours.  Some individuals use Rohypnol as an alcohol extender for a rapid and dramatic high.  This is something to watch for in social settings if individuals seem extremely intoxicated after consuming only a small amount of alcohol.  Hoffman-La Roche is working on changing the formula so trace particles or a color would appear when Rohypnol is dissolved.
Street Names: Roofies, Rope, Ruffies, R2, Ruffles, Roche, Forget-pill.

GHB It is an odorless, colorless, liquid depressant with anesthetic qualities.  It is also used as an amino acid by bodybuilders.  GHB is usually distributed as a sodium salt in powder or tablet form commonly dissolved in water.  This drug gives a feeling of relaxation, tranquility, sensuality, and loss off inhibitions (especially for women).  The drug takes effect 10 - 15 minutes after ingestion and lasts 2 - 3 hours unless combined with alcohol, where effect may last 20 - 30 hours.  Large doses can induce sudden sleep within 5 - 10 minutes.
Street Names: Liquid Extacy, Liquid X, Scoop, Easy Lay.

Ketamine It is a new drug that has been added to the predator drug category.  It is a powerful anesthetic used as an animal tranquilizer.  It is available in liquid, powder or pill form.  Ketamine causes hallucinations, amnesia and dissociation (a feeling where the mind seems separated from the body) making it attractive for a potential date rapist.
Street Names: 'K', Special K, Vitamin K, Ket.

HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF:
Don't drink anything out of a punch bowl.
Monitor the behavior of friends who seem more intoxicated than the amount of alcohol would warrant.
Never accept a drink from someone you don't know and trust.
If you hear someone "kidding" about date rape drugs, pay attention.  That should be a warning to leave that party or individual.  If a rape victim suspects he/she has been drugged, he/she should request a drug screen.

Drugs and Medicines        Conditions Index         Guide  to Prescription Drugs      Encyclopedia of Medicine
HEALTH INFORMATION CENTER AIDS / HIV Allergies Anxiety Arthritis Asthma Anxiety Breast Cancer Cardiac Disease Cancer Depression Diabetes Digestive Problems Headaches High Blood Pressure High Cholesterol Infections Kidney Disease Liver Disease Migraines Respiratory Problems Sexually Transmitted Diseases Urological Conditions
http://www.healthsquare.com/drugmain.htm

Elder Care Law Alert
June 2nd, 2005 Issue
In This Issue
1. New Medicare Payment Rules for Nursing Facilities
2.  Expansion of LIFE Program Discussed at Professional Update
3. What if We Die at the Same Time?
4. Governor Proposes Legislation Implementing Medicaid Cuts –
 Part 3: Treatment of Life Estates
5. Marshall & Associates’ Staff Present at Alzheimer’s Disease & Down Syndrome Conference
6.  In the Community: M&A Staff Invited to Speak to Local Community Groups
http://www.paelderlaw.com
 

QUOTES:
"A person who has not done one half his day's work by ten o'clock, runs a chance of leaving the other half undone."
--Emily Bronte

On Smoking...
"I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds."
--Mark Twain

"Asthma doesn’t seem to bother me any more unless I’m around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar."
--Steve Allen

"It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics."
--Fletcher Knebel

"Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid."
--Lady Bird Johnson

"Happiness is a Swedish sunset; it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it."
--Mark Twain

"Beware of dissipating your powers; strive constantly to concentrate them."
--Johann von Goethe

"Life just is.  You have to flow with it.  Give yourself to the moment.  Let it happen."
--Jerry Brown

"Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans."
--Thomas La Mance

"Life is like a blanket too short.  You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night."
--Marion Howard

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
Kids statements that are a little ... off track:  Bud Casselberry sent this one.
* God bless America Thru the night with a light from a bulb!
* 0 Susanna, 0 don't you cry for me, For I come from Alabama with a band-aid on my knee!
* Give us this day our deli bread! Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Whole East Coast.
* We shall come to Joyce's, bringing in the cheese.
* Gladly, the consecrated, cross-eyed bear.
* He carrots for you.
* Yield Not to Penn Station.
* Dust Around the Throne.
* Praise God From whom all blessings flow, Praise Him all creatures, HERE WE GO
* Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call himnames.
* While shepherds washed their socks by night
* He socked me and boxed me with His redeeming glove.

Another Bud.
A drunk went into a telephone booth and dialed at random...
"Salvation Army," came the answer.
"Eh, what do you do?" asked the man.
"We save wicked men and women," came the reply.
"Well, save me a wicked woman for Saturday night."

From Just For Grins   This could have been a Groaner.
The teacher looked over her third grade class and happened to notice her two students, Eddie and Dan giggling and talking during her lesson.
"Well, since you two are obviously listening so well, let's see if you can answer this one!" The teacher said with a smirk on her face, almost knowing that the two children would not know the answer to the question.
"What is the proper name to use when referring to a cow that has just given birth?"
There was a moment of silence, then a little hand was raised.
"Dan? You know the answer?" asked the puzzled teacher.
"Umm... yeah!" He replied with a not-too-sure look on his face.
"Well, let's here it."
"You would call her de-calfenated!"

OOPS!!!!  From Just For Grins
At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax.
One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?"
"Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."

MAN OF THE HOUSE   Janet Shields for this one.
The Man had just finished reading "Man Of The House" while making his commute home from work.  When he reached home, he stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife, pointing his finger in her face, he said "From now on I want you to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law!  You are to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner, you're going to draw my bath so I can relax.  And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "My guess would be the Funeral Director.  "
 

GROANERS:
Bud Casseelberry sent this one too.
Blonde Caller:  "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Blond Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and.....telephone Jack before cleaning.  Now, can you give me the number for Jack

An artist  Dave Glossner sent this gem.
Did you hear about the fellow in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre?  After planning the crime and getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:  "Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
. . . and you thought I lacked De Gaulle to repeat a story like that.

This is a rerun but it makes me groan everytime I read it..  Wayne Wert and Dave Glossner get the credit this time.
Two Jewish men, "Sid" and "Al," were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.  Sid asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"
Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks."
He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said "No sir, no Mexican Jews."
Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave the expected answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico.  Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returned and said, "Senor, the head cook said there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you certain?" Al asked once again, "I can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"
"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter.
"All we have is orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews."

The following from Bud Casselberry.
*What is a computer's first sign of old age?
 Loss of memory.

*What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.

*What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer key- board?
 The space bar.

*What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.

*Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.

*What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.

*To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.

*Computers are not intelligent.
 They only think they are.

*Computers make very fast,
very accurate mistakes.

*My computer isn't that nervous.
It's just a bit ANSI.

*The attention span of a computer is as long as its turned on.

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