KCNET NEWSLETTER FUN PAGE 01/02/05
TRIVIA QUOTES CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
TRIVIA: Aviation - Aussie's Point Of View * The first person(s) to actually sustain controlled, powered flight were not the Wright brothers; It was Richard Pearse of New Zealand a few months before in a more advanced flying machine of his own design & construction. On 31-3-1902 he flew about 350 yards, and on 11-5-1903 flew over 1,000 yards, out of ground effect & including several turns. * One of the heavy-weight versions of the Boeing 777 twin jet considered had an extra large auxiliary power unit (APU) in the tail, to give a bit more thrust for take-off. (The APU is the jet-like noise you can hear at the rear of jet airliners on the ground. They are a small jet engine, and provide air pressure, electrics, and sometimes hydraulic power to the stationary aircraft when it's on the ground.) * The first patent for a turbojet as a powerplant for an aircraft was made by Sir Frank Whittle. * The first jet engine to ever run was made by Professor Ernst Heinkel, in March 1937. It was the hydrogen fuelled Heineken He S 2. The engine only ever ran on a test stand, and its construction was overseen by Hans Joachim Pabst von Ohain. (Whittle's engine first ran on 12-4-1937, a couple of weeks later than the Heinkel engine) * The first jet powered aircraft to fly was the Heinkel He 178, on 27-8-1939, powered by a Heinkel He S 3B engine, which made about 450kg (1,000lbs) of thrust. The flight lasted six minutes, and the pilot was Erich Warsitz. * The first twin engined jet to fly was the Heinkel He 280, on 30-3-1941, powered by two Heinkel He S 8's, and lasted only three minutes due to concerns of the chance of the engines overheating. * The first four engined jet to fly was the Arado AR 234C, in April 1944. It was powered by four BMW 003 jet engines. * The first six engined jet aircraft to fly was the Junkers Ju 287 derivative, the Junkers EF 131. The aircraft was built in Dessau, Germany, and finished in late 1946. 8 The factory had been taken over by occupying Soviet troops, and for some reason for its first flight it was disassembled and taken by train to Podbererez'ye, near Moscow. The date is not definite, but it was around late 1946. Each forward swept wing had a large pod, each containing three Jumo 004C engines. * The Heinkel factory was the first to use catapults to assist aircraft in taking off from ships. * The Heinkel factory invented the explosive and counter-sunk riveting methods. * The first ejection seat was made by Heinkel, for the He 280. It was pneumatically powered, and accelerated the pilot upwards at between 7 and 9 gees. * The first use of an ejection seat was made by pilot Schenk, on 13-1-1943. He required it's use when the He 280, which was powered by two Argus pulse-jets that required a high forward speed to start up, refused to separate from the tow aircraft due to the cable release mechanism icing up. As a precaution, Schenk ejected and landed safely. * The first aircraft to have variable sweep wings was the Messerschmitt Me P1101, though it never flew due to he end of the Second War War bring its construction to a halt. The wings, however, could not be moved in flight, only on the ground. Its design was later copied and improved on by Bell in the US, when they made the Bell X-5 experimental aircraft, which flew six years later on 20-6-1951. * The axial flow compressor, later used by the vast majority of all jet engines, was invented by Frenchman, Maxime Guillaume in 1921. * The ramjet engine was invented by Frenchman, René Lorin, in 1908. It's use was not realised for many decades. * The first afterburning jet engine was a modified Jumo 004E. It ran in mid 1945, and made 1000kg (2200lbs) thrust 'dry', and 1200kg (2650lbs) when afterburning. * The first by-pass jet engine (like the engines on modern large jet airliners) was to be the Heinkel He S 10 'dual cycle engine', in late 1939, but its development was halted in favour of the He S 011. * The Rolls-Royce RB-211 turbojet engine is a very common fitment to many modern airliners, such as the 747, 767, 757, DC-10, MD-11, etc. The designation 'RB' is obtained from 'Rolls Barnoldswick', which refers to the Rolls-Royce centre in north-west Yorkshire where the engine was developed. * The average twenty-year-old 747 has been pushed backwards from the 'gate' approximately 2,300km! Note that this would be roughly the same for most international airliners, with the higher cycle domestic airliners being up to four to six times more than that. Some other WW2 facts - * The Battle of Britain was a very close thing indeed. One of the reasons the Allied aircraft beat the enemy fighters was that a single ship load of high-octane fuel arrived from the US in England just at the height of the Battle. It was the only one to make it through, and so the Spitfires were able to run full boost on the temperamental engines, thus making an extra couple of hundred horsepower. That was just enough to make the difference in battle. So when you think that the petrol companies don't do anything for you, remember that a Esso saved the 'free' world at one point! * The Luftwaffe had the excellent Messerschmitt 262 jet fighter/bomber. It was so fast that the Allied fighters couldn't catch it to shoot it down the handful that were cutting the B-17 & Lancaster's to pieces, but one pilot noticed that there was an airfield in Germany with over 200 of the 262's on the ground! So why weren't they airborne & fighting? The Allies had determined that if they bombed a critical ball-bearing factory then a major part of the German war effort would be ground to a halt. It was - The 262's were grounded because of the lack of ball-bearings for their turbo-jet engines. If the 200 extra 262's had been airborne, then the Luftwaffe would have easily wiped out most of the Allied bombers. * Every airliner in the world, and most planes, in fact, uses a piece of navigation equipment called DME, or Distance Measuring Equipment. This was invented in Australia in the 1950's. * As above, the ubiquitous 'black box' flight recorder was also invented in Australia, by David Warren of the Aeronautical research laboratories in 1958. * The first flight across the Pacific Ocean was made by Sir Charles Kingsford-Smith, from Oakland in California to Brisbane, Australia in 1928. * The first around-the-world passenger service by an airline was started by Qantas, in 1958. * Qantas stands for Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services. * Qantas is the world's second oldest airline, (est 1920) with only KLM being older.
A Little More Aviation Stuff 1) The first solo flight across the Atlantic Ocean was performed by: 1. Charles Lindbergh 2. William T. Colbert 3. Charlie J. Wright 2) Which aircraft was used on the first cross Atlantic solo flight? a. "The Heart of Sussie" b. "The Spirit of St. Louis" c. "The Thunderbird" 3) Who was the first Air Traffic Controller ? a. Bill Kindersley b. Jeffrey Myers c. Archie League 4) Which of these is a military aircraft ? a. F-17 b. A-300 c. Boeing 727 5) What does supersonic means ? a. Faster than the speed of sound. b. Really loud. c. Faster than the speed of light. 6) Which one of these aircraft is supersonic ? a. Learjet b. Concorde c. Boeing-747 7) Which aircraft is known as "Hercules" ? a. C-5 b. KC-135 c. C-130 8) Which aircraft has a motor but no wings ? a. Rocket b. Glider c. Blimp 9) Which aircraft has wings but no motor ? a. Helicopter b. Glider c. Blimp 10) In the late 1920’s dirigibles were known as : a. Flying balloons b. Zeppelin c. Kasseplins 11) Who invented the kite about 2000 years ago ? a. Chinese b. Japanese c. Russians 12) Who invented the rocket ? a. Chinese b. Japanese c. Russians
Aviation Trivia Answers: 1.a 2.b 3.c 4.a 5.a 6.b 7.c 8.c 9.b 10.b 11.a 12.a
QUOTES: "It was a mind-blowing experience, it really was -- absolutely an awesome thing. . . . As I got to the top I released a bag of M&Ms in the cockpit. It was amazing . .. Looking out that window, seeing the white clouds in the LA Basin, it looked like snow on the ground." — Mike Melvill, first to fly into space in a private aircraft, 21 June 2004.
"Feathers shall raise men even as they do birds, toward heaven; that is by letter written with their quills." — Leonardo da Vinci
"Thousands of volumes have been written about aviation, but we do not automatically have thousands of true and special friends in their authors. That rare writer who comes alive on a page does it by giving of himself, by writing of meanings, and not just of fact or of things that have happened to him. The writers of flight who have done this are usually found together in a special section on private bookshelves." — Richard Bach, 'The Pleasure of Their Company,' in 'Flying' magazine, April 1968.
"Or like a poet woo the moon, Riding an armchair for my steed, And with a flashing pen harpoon Terrific metaphors of speed." — Roy Campbell, 'The Festivals of Flight'
"My wings are a thousand books." — Gill Rob Wilson
"To fly! To live as airmen live! To free oneself from the petty disputes of everyday life, to be active, to feel the blood renewed in one's veins -- Ah! That is the life." -- Henri Mignet
"The man that travels on the ground next summer, he just don't deserve to get nowhere." -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"That old devil fog is tough, not only on aeroplanes, but ships, autos, horseback or afoot. But planes will be the first thing to lick it." -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"If there is a safer mode of transportation, I have never found it. Even horseback. I got bucked off the other day." -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS: Subject: Senior breakfast: Joe Marasco and John Kneedler sent this one We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the seniors special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. Sounds good, my wife said, but I don't want the eggs. Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte, the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell my wife replied." She took the two eggs home.
Dedicated Postal Employees There was this fellow who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "Oh boy, better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and read: "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100.00 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?" The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96.00, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the day, all the workers felt the warm glow of the kind thing they had done. Christmas came and went. A few days later another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving buggers at the Post Office."
Inner Peace This one from Gary N' Patti first and then a bunch of others. We got a lot of friends floating on clouds. The advice must work. I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, so, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how good I feel.
Bud Casselberry sent this graphic and The Text Senior Moment.
Look, Doctor! - Dr Bill Hamm for this one. A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing ... there ain't nothing wrong with your eyes."
I like the next two quickies. (Mike) Thanks to Bud Casselberry Bragging At the day-care center where I work, some of the children were telling me about their siblings. "My brother takes horseback-riding lessons," bragged one. "My sister takes gymnastics," said another. Not to be outdone, the youngest piped up, " My sister takes antibiotics!" & Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Where are the monkeys? This one cracked me up too. (Mike) Dr Bill Hamm for this one. The young lady strolled thru the National Zoo and finally paused in front of the monkey island. Mystified as to the whereabouts of the animals, she queried the keeper, "Where are all of the monkeys ?" "They're all back in the cave Miss." he responded, "It's right in the midst of the mating season." "I see." she replied, "Do you think they'd come out if I offered them some of these peanuts ?" Smiling the keeper responding, "Well, I can't rightly say as I know Miss. Would *YOU*?"
THE GROANERS:
Last Wishes From Just For Grins. Sometime after William died, his widow, Beatrice, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been. "William thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, he called me to his bedside and handed me three envelopes. 'Bea,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace'." "What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked. "The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know William is resting very comfortably." "The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral.' I arranged William a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending." "And the third envelope?" asked her friends. "The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone'." Holding her hand in the air, Beatrice said, "So, do you like my stone?" showing off her ten carat diamond ring.
C. Wayne Wert for this two liner. A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?"
Tom Livingston sent this list. You will want to print it for next years shopping. Automotive Gift Suggestions - Just in Time for Last Minute Christmas Shopping If you have an "Automotive Minded" person in you life, these gift suggestions should be considered. 1. Tire Air Change Kit. This kit comes with everything you need to change the air in your tires. This highly recommended but often overlooked maintenance item is much easier now. Remember to change your air every 3000 miles or twice a year. $25 2. Blinker Fluid. You knew it existed but, WOW, is this stuff hard to find. 4oz bottle. $12 3. Synthetic Blinker Fluid. Better yet! 4oz bottle. $24 4. Light Bulb Filaments. Why throw away a perfectly good turn signal or stop light bulb when you can just install a new filament? Premium Filaments, made in the USA! $1 each. 5. Manifold Heat. Yes, your exhaust manifold should be HOT. If it's not, you may need this item. Sold by the pound. $3.50 6. Steering Wheel Gaskets. All SIZES available! Email for specific application. From $9.99 7. Tie Rod Tensioner. Is your tie rod limp? Tension it with T-50! $14.99 8. Alternator Batteries. (4 required, replace them all!) From $2.99 9. Fan Belt Buckles. Specify brass or chrome. Gold available special order. $14.99 10. Muffler Bearing Manual. Print version $59.95 11. Muffler Bearing Manual. CD version $49.99 12. Universal Muffler Bearing Tool Kit $105.59 13. Muffler Bearing Hi Temp Synthetic Lube (the only kind we sell!) $40.24 14. Muffler Bearings From $19.95 15. Muffler Bearing Gasket Kits From $9.99 16. Momentum (required for tackling some off road obstacles). Sold by the lb-ft/sec $0.50 17. Microsoft Windows Eliminator. If your car or truck begins to run poorly, (long time to start, frequent crashes, etc.), it's computer, (ecm, ecu, black box, etc.), may have become infected with this nasty computer virus. This product will safely remove the virus. $199 18. Mirror Image Flipper Film. Did you know that the image you see in your rear view mirrors are reversed! This is a manufacturing flaw that the auto companies have kept secret for years as the recall would cost BILLIONS! This film can be cut and placed over any mirror to correct the image. Now you'll be able to read signs in the rear view mirror! $5 per square ft.
How Many Feet?-This one from Good Clean Fun and Bud. I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver's permit. "Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book." "You do?" I returned. "Yep", she said, very smugly. I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?" "One," she replied. "What?" I asked. "One?!" She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One, Mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."