THERE'S
A LAW TO EXPLAIN THAT...
Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble
over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue
on as though nothing has happened.
Ciardi's Poetry Law:
Whenever in time, and wherever
in the universe, any man speaks or writes in any detail about the technical
management of a poem, the resulting irascibility of the reader's response
is a constant.
Clarke's First Law:
When a distinguished but
elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly
right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably
wrong.
Corollary (Asimov): When
the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced by distinguished
but elderly scientists, and supports that idea with great fervor and emotion
-- the distinguished but elderly scientists are then, after all, right.
Clarke's Second Law:
The only way to discover
the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.
Clarke's Third Law:
Any sufficiently advanced
technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas:
Every revolutionary idea
-in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever- evokes three stages of reaction.
They may be summed up by the three phrases:
1. "It
is completely impossible, don't waste my time."
2. "It
is possible, but it is not worth doing."
3. "I
said it was a good idea all along."
Clark's First Law of Relativity:
No matter how often you
trade dinner or other invitations with in-laws, you will lose a small fortune
in the exchange.
Corollary: Don't try it:
you cannot drink enough of your in-laws' booze to get even before your
liver fails.
Clark's Law:
It's always darkest just
before the lights go out.
Cleveland's Highway Law:
Highways in the worst need
of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority
for repair work.
Clopton's Law:
For every credibility gap
there is a gullibility fill.
Clyde's Law:
If you have something to
do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it
for you.
Cohen's Law:
What really matters is
the name you succeed in imposing on the facts -- not the facts themselves.
Cohen's Laws of Politics:
Law of Alienation:
Nothing can so alienate
a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
Law of Ambition:
At any one time, thousands
of borough councilmen, school board members, attorneys, and businessmen
-- as well as congressmen, senators, and governors -- are dreaming of the
White House, but few, if any of them, will make it.
Law of Attraction:
Power attracts people but
it cannot hold them.
Law of Competition:
The more qualified candidates
who are available, the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate
whose main qualification is a non threatening incompetence.
Law of Inside Dope:
There are many inside dopes
in politics and government.
Law of Lawmaking:
Those who express random
thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to
find themselves the instigators of law.
Law of Permanence:
Political power is as permanent
as today's newspaper. Ten years from now, few will know or care who the
most powerful man in any state was today.
Law of Secrecy:
The best way to publicize
a governmental or political action is to attempt to hide it.
Law of Wealth:
Victory goes to the candidate
with the most accumulated or contributed wealth who has the financial resources
to convince the middle class and poor that he will be on their side.
Law of Wisdom:
Wisdom is considered a
sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power
but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.
Cohn's Law:
The more time you spend
in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything.
Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting
on the nothing you are doing.
Cole's Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Mr. Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence
on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Comins's Law:
People will accept your
idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
Committee Rules:
1. Never arrive on time, or you
will be stamped a beginner.
2. Don't say anything until the
meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise.
3. Be as vague as possible; this
prevents irritating the others.
4. When in doubt, suggest that
a subcommittee be appointed.
5. Be the first to move for adjournment;
this will make you popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.
Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology:
1. No action is without side-effects.
2. Nothing ever goes away.
3. There is no free lunch.
Law of Computability
Any system or program,
however complicated, if looked at in exactly the right way, will become
even more complicated.
Law of Computability Applied to Social Science:
If at first you don't succeed,
transform your data set.
Laws of computer programming:
1. Any given program, when running,
is obsolete.
2. Any given program costs more
and takes longer.
3. If a program is useful, it
will have to be changed.
4. If a program is useless, it
will have to be documented.
5. Any program will expand to
fill available memory.
6. The value of a program is
proportional to the weight of its output.
7. Program complexity grows until
it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
8. Any non-trivial program contains
at least one bug.
9. Undetectable errors are infinite
in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
10. Adding manpower to a late software
project makes it later.
11. Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.
First Maxim of Computers:
To err is human, but to
really screw things up requires a computer.
Connolly's Law of Cost Control:
The price of any product
produced for a government agency will be not less than the square of the
initial Firm Fixed-Price Contract.
Connolly's Rule for Political Incumbents:
Short-term success with
voters on any side of a given issue can be guaranteed by creating a long-term
special study commission made up of at least three divergent interest groups.
Conrad's Conundrum:
Technologie don't transfer.
Considine's Law:
Whenever one word or letter
can change the entire meaning of a sentence, the probability of an error
being made will be in direct proportion to the embarrassment it will cause. |