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Wanna Borrow A Jack?
One day I went to a lawyer friend for advice.
"I'm in real trouble," I said. "My neighbors across the road are going
on vacation for a month and instead of boarding their dogs they are going
to keep them locked up and a woman is coming to feed them ~ if she doesn't
forget ~ and meanwhile they'll be lonely and bark all day and howl all
night and I won't be able to sleep and I'll either have to call the SPCA
to haul them away or I'll go berserk and go over there and shoot them and
then when my neighbors return they'll go berserk and come over and shoot
me.
My lawyer patted back a delicate yawn. "Let
me tell you a story," he said. "And don't stop me if you've heard it because
it will do you good to hear it again."
"A fellow was speeding down a country road
late at night and BANG! went a tire. He got out and looked but he had no
jack. Then he said to himself. 'Well, I'll just walk to the nearest farmhouse
and borrow a jack!' He saw a light in the distance and said, ' Well, I'm
in luck; the farmer's up. I'll just knock on the door and say I'm in trouble,
would you please lend me a jack? And he'll say, why sure, neighbor, help
yourself - but bring it back.' "
He walked on a little farther and the light
went out so he said to himself, 'Now he's gone to bed and he'll be annoyed
because I'm bothering him- so he'll probably want some money for his jack.
And I'll say, all right, it isn't very neighborly - but I'll give you a
quarter.
And he'll say, do you think you can get me
out of bed in the middle of the night and then offer me a quarter? Give
me a dollar of get yourself a jack somewhere else.' "
By the time he got to the farmhouse the fellow
had worked himself into a lather. He turned into the gate and muttered.
'A dollar! All right, I'll give you a dollar. But not a cent more! A poor
devil has an accident and all the needs is a jack. You probably won't let
me have one no matter what I give you. That's the kind of guy you are.'
"
Which brought him to the door and he knocked
- angrily, loudly. The farmer stuck his head out the window above the door
and hollered down, 'Who's there? What do you want?' The fellow stopped
pounding on the door and yelled up, 'You and your stupid jack! You know
what you can do with it!"
When I stopped laughing, I started thinking,
and I said, "Is that what I've been doing?"
"Right," he said, "and you'd be surprised how
many people come to a lawyer for advice and, instead of calmly stating
the facts, start building up a big imaginary fight - what he'll say to
his partner, what she'll say to her husband, or how they'll tell the Old
Man off about his will. So I tell them the story about the jack and they
cool off.
"The next time I hear from them, one tells
me that partner was glad to meet him halfway; the gal says she can't understand
it - her husband was so reasonable she thought she must have gotten somebody
else on the phone; the relatives found out the Old Man had already been
asking a lawyer how he could give everything to them before he died, to
save them inheritance tax."
I thought, "How true! Most of us go through
life bumping into obstacles we could easily by pass; spoiling for a fight
and lashing out in blind rages at fancied wrongs and imaginary foes. And
we don't even realize what we are doing until someone startles us one day
with a vivid word like a lightning flash on a dark night."
Well, the other night I was driving home from
the city. I was late for dinner and I hadn't phoned my wife. As I crawled
along in a line of cars I became more and more frustrated and angry. I'll
tell her I was caught in the heavy weekend traffic and she'll say, 'Why
didn't you phone me before you left town?"
Then I'll say, 'What difference does it make
anyway - I'm here!' And she'll say, 'Yes, and I'm here, too, and I've been
here all day waiting to hear from you!' And I'll say, 'I suppose I haven't'
anything else to do but call you up every hour on the hour and make like
a lovebird!' And she'll say, 'You mean like a wolf, but you wouldn't be
calling me!"
By this time I am turning into the drive and
I am plenty steamed up.
As I jumped out and slammed the car door, my
wife flung open the window upstairs.
"All right!" I shouted up to her, "Say it!"
"I will," she cooed softly. "Wanta borrow a
jack?
~ J.P. McEvoy ~
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