KCNET NEWSLETTER FUN PAGE 12/26/04
TRIVIA QUOTES CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
TRIVIA: The whole range of celebration of the New Year's Day basically stems from the various ways ancient societies used to greet the new harvest seasons. In fact, it is the number of harvests, whether of fruit or grain, that determined how many New Years were observed. The origins of the customs that we think of as peculiarly associated with the celebration of the New Year, took roots in the ways the ancient peoples regarded the New Year. Likewise the other ancient societies in other parts of the world, the New Year festivities had been observed in our wild forests and plains by the native Indians. To the Creek Indians the ripening of the corn in July or August signified the termination of one year and the beginning of another. It was their customs to drape themselves with new clothes, replace the old interiors and households. The Iroquois, another native Indian tribe who inaugurated the new year in January, February or March with ceremonies emphasizing the expulsion of evil spirits. The customs of sporting disguise and masks, making noises and confessions were all practiced by them. Symbolically, New Year signifies a renewal of life. Hence, the spirit of celebration for the regeneration, while discarding the old and worn out. The customs and practices, though modified through the centuries, have still their distinctive strains in the ways we welcome each onrushing year. It was the Dutch, in their New Amsterdam settlement at mid-17th century, who originated the modern American New Year celebration. The New Year's Day was the most important holiday for the Dutch who were noted in all the colonies for their love of beer and wine. Given here are some instances of New Year's Day revelry with their historical trails: The Mid-night cacophony: The idea of making deafening noise is to drive away the evil spirits who flocked to the living at this climactic season with a great wailing of horns and shouts and beating of drums. This is why at the stroke of midnight we hear the deafening cacophony of sirens, car horns, boat whistles, party horns, church bells, drums, pots and pans - anything that serves the purpose of producing a devil chasing din. The spectacular Parades: The popular Tournament of Roses Parade held on this day in Pasadena, CA, was started in 1886 by the Valley Hunt Club, whose members decorated their carriages with flowers, creating what was meant to be " an artistic celebration of the ripening of the oranges in California". In the afternoon athletic events were held. The city of Pasadena later relieved the club of sponsorship of the parade, and the city was in turn succeeded by the Tournament of Roses Association, which till date directs the activities. Gradually the flower-decked carriages gave way to floats that by parade rules can be covered only with fresh flowers. Yet another annual attraction, the Rose Bowl football game, became part of the festivities in 1902. The traditional and spectacular Mummers' Parade of Philadelphia owes its origin to the Christmas celebrations of the Swedes and the Englishmen who settled along the Delaware River. The masked revelers among the Swedes saw to it that the festivities of the Christmas season lasted until the New Year. The English brought with them their ancient practice of mumming. This, in America, took the form of groups of men presenting costumed plays, going from house to house reciting their parts in expectation of money or some of the Christmas fare. It was since then the parade has been divided into three main sections: the fancy-dress division, the clown division, and the string bands. The booze bash: Yet another familiar practice, though not quite encouraging. The unbridled drinking bash on the New Year's Eve, is also a secular leftover of a rite that was once religious in character. The original spirit has been a personal re-enacting of the chaotic world that existed before the ordered cosmos was created by God. Resolution: In order to have a 'clean slate' on which to start the New Year, people in times past have made certain that they had all their borrowings cleared. Those were the days before such complexities as credit buying. The New Year resolutions, which we are so fond of, represent other efforts to make the year brand new. In fact, we often say that in the New Year we are "turning over a new leaf." Early American observances: When they eventually lost control of New Amsterdam to the English for the last time in 1674, they had no trouble persuading the English to abandon their March 25 New Year and observe it on January 1. The principal customs of the day were visiting friends and exchanging gifts, to which the English added the turkey shoot. But in March 1773, the New York State legislature outlawed the firing of guns and explosions. The gatherings: The practice of visiting friends continued until the first years of this century. It was a gala time when everyone held open house and laid out enormous feasts for any one who should drop in, whether friend or stranger. To neglect this annual visit was a terrible sight, and the roads were thronged with carriages bearing the holiday-makers. Unfortunately in time the custom was abused; the distinction between privacy and sociability was ignored and troops of unwanted guests descended on the open houses, using them as eating and drinking stations. Politicians and those with an eye on the social ladder were said to have spread their blight over the purposes of the day. People began to send invitations to special guests for their own protection, and the old custom fell irretrievably into decline. Thus the whole range of ideas of purgation, purifications, the confessing of sins, driving off demons, expulsion of evil out of the village and so on transpired. The idea remained the same the abolition of the past. So is the case of masked processions - the masks representing the souls of the dead. The ceremonial reception of the dead, who are invited to feast and led back at the end of the feast to the borders of the territory, to the sea, or the river, or wherever else, is also in line with this concept. Add to these the interlude of Carnival, Saturnalia, reversal of normal order. Though all these constitute the much familiar New Year revelry, these are just part of the rites practiced by primitive man during the celebration of their own New Years.
Chinese New Year 2005 The Chinese calendar dates back centuries before the Julian calendar we use at the present day. It measures time based on the astronomical observations of the movement of the Sun, Moon and stars, and is highly accurate. Read more about it. When is the Chinese New Year's Day in Year 2005? February 9, 2005 is the first day of the new year. There are three ways to name a Chinese year: 1. By an animal (like a mascot). The new year 2005 is known as the Year of the Rooster. 2. There are 12 animal names; so by this system, year names are re-cycled every 12 years. More. By its Former Name. The new year is the year of Yiyou. By this system, the Name of the Year is repeated and re-cycled every 60 years. 3. It is Year 4702 by Chinese calendar.
QUOTES: "Let us not drink to the past, but to the future." -- Anon Quote taken from cardboard box from a bottle of Johnny Walker Scotch Whisky.
I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own." -- H. G. Wells
"The inaudible and noiseless foot of Time." -- Shakespeare
"We burn daylight." -- Shakespeare
"No hand can make the clock strike for me the hours that are passed." -- Byron
"All my possessions for a moment of time." -- Queen Elizabeth I's last words
"All the treasures of earth cannot bring back one last moment." -- French
"As Time Goes By" You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss, A sigh is just a sigh; The fundamental things apply, As time goes by. -- Herman Hupfeld
For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning." --T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"
"Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever." --Mark Twain
The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. ~George William Curtis
"Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits." --Author Unknown
"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other." --Author Unknown
"No one ever regarded the First of January with indifference. It is that from which all date their time, and count upon what is left. It is the nativity of our common Adam." --Charles Lamb
"New Year's Day is every man's birthday." --Charles Lamb
"The merry year is born Like the bright berry from the naked thorn." --Hartley Coleridge
"New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights." --Hamilton Wright Mabie
"The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!" --Edward Payson Powell
"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to." --Bill Vaughn
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." --Bill Vaughan
CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS: A young man at a New Year’s party turns to his friend and asks for a cigarette. 'I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,' his friend says. 'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'. 'What's phase one?'. 'I've quit buying.'
Bumper Stickers to start the new year: * Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. * The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. * I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
New Years resolutions we can keep.. Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point: 1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. 4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. 5. Procrastinate more. 6. Drink. Drink some more. 7. Take up a new habit: smoking. 8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night. 9. Spend more time at work. 10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine. 11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. 12. Quit giving money & time to charity. 14. Start being superstitious. 15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. 16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words. 17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms. 18. Personal goal: bring back disco.
New Year's Dinner As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game. Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing. "See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."
New Years Resolutions Internet Junkies From Jokes 4U *I will try to figure out why I "really" need 12 e-mail addresses. *I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). A phone call every now and then would be appreciated. *I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. *I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. *I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. *I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe... at least once a year. *I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet - This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. *I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas already had time to answer me by then. *When I hear a funny joke, I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" *I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. *I will think of a password other than "password." *I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
... Top 23 Nerd Tshirt Sayings: 1. "If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer......oh wait he does." 2.Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. 3. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 4. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. 5. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. 6. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. 7.Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression 8. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding 9. The name is Baud......, James Baud. 10. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" 11. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. 12. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) 13. Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups. 14. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/n)? 15. Windows: Just another pane in the glass. 16. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . 17. All computers wait at the same speed. 18. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... 19. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? 20. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. 21. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 22. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... 23. Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ... I know this one isn't a New Years joke but it is a list. (Mike)
THE GROANERS: Top 10 Signs You're At A Lame New Year's Eve Party Credit: The Late show with David Letterman For some reason there was no number 10, I did not censor it ...honest! (Mike) 1. To give it a Times Square feel, everyone is groped, fondled and pick-pocketed 2. The 'Party Hats' look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones 3. There's a "Happy 1995" sticker on the packete of shrimp you've been eating all night 4. It's January 6th 5. Prison regulations require lights out at 10:00 pm 6. The guests have decided to start the midnight countdown at 10,000 7. At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle Earl's pants drop 8. You hear a guy doing a count down before using the bathroom 9. The 'Champagne' tastes suspiciously like apple juice mixed with Alka Seltzer
Summary of my three new year resolutions from the past five years. * 1999: I will read at least 20 good books a year. * 2000: I will read at least 10 books a year. * 2001: I will read 5 books a year. * 2002: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year. * 2003: I will try and finish the comics section this year.
* 1999: I will get my weight down below 170. * 2000: I will watch my calories until my weight is below 200. * 2001: I will follow my new diet until I get below 220. * 2002: I will work out once a week. * 2003: I will drive past a gym at least once a week.
* 1999: I will pay off my bank loan promptly. * 2000: I will pay off my bank loans promptly. * 2001: I will be totally out of debt by next year. * 2002: I will try to pay off the debt interest by next year. * 2003: I will try to be out of the country by next year.
Q: What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve? A: Auld Fang Syne!
"New Year's Eve, when auld acquaintances should be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive." - Jay Leno
"I'm not going to eat until next year." - Said before midnight on New Year's Eve
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." - Ernest Hemingway
Life is a book in volumes three-- The past, the present, and the yet-to-be. The past is written and laid away, The present we're writing every day, And the last and best of volumes three Is locked from sight -- God keeps the key. - Author Unknown
"I had a big New Year's Eve - they tell me. But New Year's Eve is a lot of fun. We had a big party. We didn't like our furniture anyway. It was eighteenth-century Provincial. Now it's twentieth-century splinters. I invited Les Brown and the band over. We didn't like our neighbors either. I invited the brass section, too. We don't even like ourselves." - Bob Hope