KCNET NEWSLETTER FUN PAGE 12/19/04
TRIVIA QUOTES CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
TRIVIA: Christmas Facts "Hot cockles" was a popular game at Christmas in medieval times. It was a game in which the other players took turns striking the blindfolded player, who had to guess the name of the person delivering each blow. "Hot cockles" was still a Christmas pastime until the Victorian era.
"White Christmas" (1954), starring Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye, was the first movie to be made in Vista Vision, a deep-focus process.
"The Nutcracker" is the name for the ballet performed around Christmas time each year. "The Nutcracker Suite" is the title of the music Tchaikovsky wrote.
"Wassail" comes from the Old Norse "ves heill"--to be of good health. This evolved into the tradition of visiting neighbors on Christmas Eve and drinking to their health.
A Christmas club, a savings account in which a person deposits a fixed amount of money regularly to be used at Christmas for shopping, came about around 1905.
A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.
According to a 1995 survey, 7 out of 10 British dogs get Christmas gifts from their doting owners.
According to historical accounts, the first Christmas in the Philippines was celebrated 200 years before Ferdinand Magellan discovered the country for the western world, likely between the years 1280 and 1320 AD.
According to the National Christmas Tree Association, Americans buy 37.1 million real Christmas trees each year; 25 percent of them are from the nation's 5,000 choose-and-cut farms.
After "A Christmas Carol," Charles Dickens wrote several other Christmas stories, one each year, but none was as successful as the original.
Alabama was the first state to recognize Christmas as an official holiday. This tradition began in 1836.
Although many believe the Friday after Thanksgiving is the busiest shopping day of the year, it is not. It is the fifth to tenth busiest day. The Friday and Saturday before Christmas are the two busiest shopping days of the year.
American billionaire Ross Perot tried to airlift 28 tons of medicine and Christmas gifts to American POW's in North Vietnam in 1969.
America's official national Christmas tree is located in King's Canyon National Park in California. The tree, a giant sequoia called the "General Grant Tree," is over 300 feet (90 meters) high. It was made the official Christmas tree in 1925.
An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck.
An average household in America will mail out 28 Christmas cards each year and see 28 eight cards return in their place.
Animal Crackers are not really crackers, but cookies that were imported to the United States from England in the late 1800s. Barnum's circus-like boxes were designed with a string handle so that they could be hung on a Christmas tree.
As early as 1822, the postmaster in Washington, D.C. was worried by the amount of extra mail at Christmas time. His preferred solution to the problem was to limit by law the number of cards a person could send. Even though commercial cards were not available at that time, people were already sending so many home-made cards that sixteen extra postmen had to be hired in the city.
At Christmas, Ukrainians prepare a traditional twelve-course meal. A family's youngest child watches through the window for the evening star to appear, a signal that the feast can begin.
At lavish Christmas feasts in the Middle Ages, swans and peacocks were sometimes served "endored." This meant the flesh was painted with saffron dissolved in melted butter. In addition to their painted flesh, endored birds were served wrapped in their own skin and feathers, which had been removed and set aside prior to roasting.
Before settling on the name of Tiny Tim for his character in "A Christmas Carol," three other alliterative names were considered by Charles Dickens. They were Little Larry, Puny Pete, and Small Sam.
California, Oregon, Michigan, Washington, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and North Carolina are the top Christmas tree producing states. Oregon is the leading producer of Christmas trees - 8.6 million in 1998.
Candy canes began as straight white sticks of sugar candy used to decorated the Christmas trees. A choirmaster at Cologne Cathedral decided have the ends bent to depict a shepherd's crook and he would pass them out to the children to keep them quiet during the services. It wasn't until about the 20th century that candy canes acquired their red stripes.
Charles Dickens' initial choice for Scrooge's statement "Bah Humbug" was "Bah Christmas."
Child singer Jimmy Boyd was 12 years and 11 months old when he sang the Christmas favorite, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." The song hit the top of the pop charts.
Christmas caroling began as an old English custom called Wassailing - toasting neighbors to a long and healthy life.
Christmas Day in the Ukraine can be celebrated on either December 25, in faithful alliance with the Roman Catholic Gregorian calendar, or on January 7, which is the Orthodox or Eastern Rite (Julian calendar), the church holy day.
Christmas is a summer holiday in South Africa. Children are fond of the age-old custom of producing pantomimes - for instance, "Babes in the Wood," founded on one of the oldest ballads in the English language. Boxing Day on December 26th, when boxes of food and clothing are given to the poor, is observed as a holiday.
Christmas is not widely celebrated in Scotland. Some historians believe that Christmas is downplayed in Scotland because of the influence of the Presbyterian Church (or Kirk), which considered Christmas a "Papist," or Catholic event. As a result, Christmas in Scotland tends to be somber.
Christmas presents were known in antiquity among kings and chieftains, especially on the European continent. However, they have been common among ordinary people in Iceland only during the past 100 or so years.
Christmas trees are edible. Many parts of pines, spruces, and firs can be eaten. The needles are a good source of vitamin C. Pine nuts, or pine cones, are also a good source of nutrition.
Christmas trees are known to have been popular in Germany as far back as the sixteenth century. In England, they became popular after Queen Victoria's husband Albert, who came from Germany, made a tree part of the celebrations at Windsor Castle. In the United States, the earliest known mention of a Christmas tree is in the diary of a German who settled in Pennsylvania.
Christmas was once a moveable feast celebrated at many different times during the year. The choice of December 25, was made by Pope Julius I, in the 4th century A.D., because this coincided with the pagan rituals of Winter Solstice, or Return of the Sun. The intent was to replace the pagan celebration with the Christian one.
Cultured Christmas trees must be shaped as they grow to produce fuller foliage. To slow the upward growth and to encourage branching, they are hand-clipped in each spring. Trees grown in the wild have sparser branches, and are known in the industry as "Charlie Brown" trees.
During the ancient 12-day Christmas celebration, the log burned was called the "Yule log." Sometimes a piece of the Yule log would be kept to kindle the fire the following winter, to ensure that the good luck carried on from year to year. The Yule log custom was handed down from the Druids.
During the Christmas buying season, Visa cards alone are used an average of 5,340 times every minute in the United States.
During the Christmas/Hanukkah season, more than 1.76 billion candy canes will be made.
During World War II it was necessary for Americans to mail Christmas gifts early for the troops in Europe to receive them in time. Merchants joined in the effort to remind the public to shop and mail early and the protracted shopping season was born.
Electric Christmas tree lights were first used in 1895. The idea for using electric Christmas lights came from an American, Ralph E. Morris. The new lights proved safer than the traditional candles.
Following Princess Diana's tragic death in 1997, the Ty toy company, famous in the late 1990s for its popular Beanie Baby line of beanbag animals, issued a "Princess" bear in tribute. The royal purple Beanie, bearing an embroidered white rose on its chest, became so desired that at Christmas time, American collectors were willing to spend up to $300 for one on the secondary market.
For every real Christmas tree harvested, 2 to 3 seedlings are planted in its place.
Formally called Kiritimati, Christmas Island in the Indian Ocean is 52 square miles.
Frankincense is a sweet smelling gum resin derived from certain Boswellia trees which, at the time of Christ, grew in Arabia, India, and Ethiopia. Tradition says that it was presented to the Christ Child by Balthasar, the black king from Ethiopia or Saba. The frankincense trade was at its height during the days of the Roman Empire. At that time this resin was considered as valuable as gems or precious metals. The Romans burned frankincense on their altars and at cremations.
Franklin Pierce was the first United States' president to decorate an official White House Christmas tree .
Frumenty was a spiced porridge, enjoyed by both rich and poor. It is thought to be the forerunner of modern Christmas puddings. It has its origins in a Celtic legend of the harvest god Dagda, who stirred a porridge made up of all the good things of the Earth.
Frustrated at the lack of interest in his new toy invention, Charles Pajeau hired several midgets, dressed them in elf costumes, and had them play with "Tinker Toys" in a display window at a Chicago department store during the Christmas season in 1914. This publicity stunt made the construction toy an instant hit. A year later, over a million sets of Tinker Toys had been sold.
George Washington spent Christmas night 1776 crossing the Delaware River in dreadful conditions. Christmas 1777 fared little better - at Valley Forge, Washington and his men had a miserable Christmas dinner of Fowl cooked in a broth of Turnips, cabbage and potatoes.
Greeks do not use Christmas trees or give presents at Christmas. A priest may throw a little cross into the village water to drive the kallikantzari (gremlin-like spirits) away. To keep them from hiding in dark, dusty corners, he goes from house to house sprinkling holy water.
Hallmark introduced its first Christmas cards in 1915, five years after the founding of the company.
Historians have traced some of the current traditions surrounding Father Christmas, or Santa Claus, back to ancient Celtic roots. Father Christmas's elves are the modernization of the "Nature folk" of the Pagan religions; his reindeer are associated with the "Horned God," which was one of the Pagan deities.
If traveling in France during the Christmas season, it is interesting to note that different dishes and dining traditions reign in popularity in different parts of the country. In south France, for instance, a Christmas loaf (pain calendeau) is cut crosswise and is eaten only after the first part has been given to a poor person. In Brittany, buckwheat cakes and sour cream is the most popular main dish. In Alsace, a roasted goose is the preferred entrée. In Burgundy, turkey and chestnuts are favored. In the Paris region, oysters are the favorite holiday dish, followed by a cake shaped like a Yule log.
In 1647, the English parliament passed a law that made Christmas illegal. Festivities were banned by Puritan leader, Oliver Cromwell, who considered feasting and revelry, on what was supposed to be a holy day, to be immoral. The ban was lifted only when the Puritans lost power in 1660.
In 1752, 11 days were dropped from the year when the switch from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar was made. The December 25, date was effectively moved 11 days backwards. Some Christian church sects, called old calendarists, still celebrate Christmas on January 7 (previously December 25 of the Julian calendar).
QUOTES:
World-wide the little fellows Now are sweetly saying "please," And "thank you," and "excuse me, And those little pleasantries That good children are supposed to When there's company to hear; And it's just as plain as can be That the Christmas time is near. Ho, it's just as plain as can be that old Santa's on his way, For there are no little children that are really bad to-day.
And when evening shadows lengthen, Every little curly head Now is ready, aye, and willing To be tucked away in bed; Not one begs to stay up longer, Not one even sheds a tear; Ho, the goodness of the children Is a sign that Santa's near. It's wonderful, the goodness of the little tots to-day, When they know that good old Santa has begun to pack his sleigh.
Edgar Albert Guest, 1881-1959
CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS Christmas Songs As Understood By Kids Wayne Smith sent this one. "Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly" "On the first day of Christmas, my tulip gave to me ..." "He's makin a list, chicken and rice ..." "Sleep in heavenly peas ..." "You'll go down in Listerine ..." "O come, froggy faithful ..." "Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire ..."
Over The Edge -- The Company Christmas Party Keith Wert sent this one. Both of us censored the tone in places to fit the audience. Your imagination will provide the intended interpretation. How can such a nice intention turn into this disaster? FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 4th November 2004 RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Merry Christmas to you and your Family. Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 5th November 2004 RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Pauline.
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 6th November 2004 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 7th November 2004 RE: Holiday Part What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?! Pauline. FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All @#$%^&* Employees DATE: 8 November 2004 RE: The @#$%^&* Holiday Part! Vegetarian butt heads!, I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your @#$%^&* salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die. Pauline "The Bitch from HELL" Lewis
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director DATE: 9th November 2004 RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party.
Who is in charge? This is not a political joke. The intent was to honor women.. Might have been the truth though. Bud Casselberry featured this one in his last Joke Newsletter. Bill and Hilary were driving through Little Rock, and when they passed by a gas station a big man yelled 'Hi Hilary' and Hilary said 'Hi Bubba'. Bill asked, "who was that?" And Hilary told him it was a old high school boyfriend. Bill said, "See if you married him you would be married to a gas station attendant, but you married me now you're the first lady." And Hilary responded, 'If I married him he would be the president, and you would be the gas station attendant."
More Pennsylvania stuff Again from Wayne Smith. * You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA" (pronounced Pee-ay). How many other states do that? * You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly." New Jersey has always been "Jersey." * "You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women. * You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet?" (Did you eat yet?) * You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne, and Monongahela. * You know what a "Mummer" is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade. * You know what "Punxsutawney Phil" is, and what it means if he sees his shadow. * The first day of buck and the first day of doe season are school holidays. * You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye. * You can't go to a wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance," at least one polka, and either an Italian song (sung in Italian) or "HavaNagila." * At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long. * You know what a "Hex sign" is. * You know what a "State Store" is, and your out-of-state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart. * You own only 3 condiments: salt, pepper, and Heinz ketchup. * Words like "hoagie," "crick," "chipped ham," "sticky buns," "shoo-fly pie," "piergoies" and "pocketbook" actually mean something to you. That's PA slang. * You can eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same. (Those from NY find this barbaric.) * You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know it comes in several colors: Red, White, Brown, and Gold. * You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage (Lebanon Bologna), and Hot Bacon Dressing. * You can eat a cold soft pretzel from a street vendor without fear and enjoy it. It almost always comes with mustard. * You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and know that you can't get a really good one outside PA. Except Atlantic City on the boardwalk. * You live for summer, when street and county fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season. * Customers ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast. * You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Mars, and Slippery Rock are PA towns (and the first 3 were consecutive stops on the Reading RR). * You know what a township, borough, and commonwealth is. (At least you vaguely remember.) * You can identify drivers from New York, New Jersey, or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits. * A traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway in Lancaster County and on rte 64 around Lamar.. * You know several people who have hit deer more than once. * You carry jumper cables in your car and your female passengers know how to use them. * You still keep kitty litter, starting fluid, de-icer, or a snow brush in your trunk, even if you live in the south. * Driving is always better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow. * As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were. (Amen) * Your graduating class consisted of mostly Polish, German, and Italian names. (Not necessarily in that order.) * You actually understand all this and send it on to other Pennsylvanians or former Pennsylvanians.
This one from many sources. Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' And she said, 'Take a sweater'
Redneck 'Puter Terms Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods Byte -Whut them dang flys do Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited Diskette - Female disco dancer Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking Hard drive - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer Keyboard - Place to hang your truck keys Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live Online - Where you hang your clothes to dry Terminal - Time to call the undertaker Windows - Place in the truck to hang your guns Modem - How you got rid of your dandelions Reboot - What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff Network - How to get yer bait for fishin Digital control - What yore fingers do on the TV remote Packet - What you do to a suitcase before a trip Log on - Making the wood stove hotter Log off - Don't add no more wood Download - Gettin' the farwood offn the pickup Megahertz - When yer not keerful gettin' that farwood downloaded Prompt - Whut th mail ain't in the winter taim Screen - Whut to shut when it's black fly season Microchip - Whut's left in the munchie bag Laptop - Whur the kitty sleeps Enter - Northern 'fer c'mon in y'all Software - Them dang plastik forks and knives Mainframe - Holds up the barn ruf
Seeing-eye dog - - Bill Hamm for this one. Bill usually contributes GROANERS but this one is a cutie. I've read it a couple of times and I laugh every time. For some reason it is one of my favorites. (Mike) There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good." The guy at the door says, "Come on in." The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The guy with the Chihuahua explodes, "What! You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"
Dr Bill Hamm for this one. I couldn't go a week without a Dr Bill Groaner. A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve-thirty."
Oh my, Wayne Smith strikes again. 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It. 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick 8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers. 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
Got Cable? From Good Clean Fun In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and mini-vans. This has created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy. One day, as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the husband asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"
Irishrose, Rosemary Bednarczyk and Wayne Smith sent this one. It wouldn't be a day without a blonde joke Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench one evening, looking at the moon and talking. One blonde says to the other, "What do you think is farther away. . . . .Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooooooooooooo, can you see Florida from here?"
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