KCNET NEWSLETTER FUN PAGE 12/05/04
TRIVIA:
The yo-yo is one of the oldest toys. Yo-yo's have been used as a toy for over 2,500 years, when the ancient Romans played with wooden and metal yo-yo's. The word "yo-yo" may come from Tagalog language (the language of the Philippines), meaning "to come back."
QUOTES...KIDS...LOVE Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way. When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs. Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings. Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you don't like to play with. Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no sometimes. When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared they won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, they love you even more. There are two kinds of love- Our love & God's love. But God makes both kinds of them. Love is important to God. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford. Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones. When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross. You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget, and it's good for them to get reminded.
Shoulda used the simulator -- It's deer season. Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in, fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. "What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."
Interesting process Gary n' Patti A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?" God said, " No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live". Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last procedure, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 plus years to live? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?" (You'll love this!!!) God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
Yeppir I'd be fine too. Just For Grins Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'" Farmer Joe replied, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her then he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"
I'd a done that too Just For Grins Shortly before quitting time Carl found that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one of the fellows and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Carl." At 7:00 PM, Carl stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you Goober."
MATING BULLS. . . . . Bob Casselberry gets the nod for this one. A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him." They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one!" The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow." NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery! He should be Home in no time...
Checking out at Wal Mart Bill Hamm sent this one to Bud A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were heavily laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!" "Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time."
What is sex? (Always qualify the question asked by a child.) Dr. Bill Hamm sent this one. An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
THE GROANERS: What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!
How many reindeer does Santa Have??? 11 (named below) Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen Rudoph (the one with the red nose) Olive (Olive the other reigndeer {all of}) and Al (Then Al the reigndeer loved him {all})
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
What kind of bird can write? A PENguin.
Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage? Because it has long-distance runners on each side
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? because every buck is dear to him.
What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.
SUE: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.
ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Politicians and Lawyers get no respect. Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus traveling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $5.00 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?? Santa of course, the other two don't exist!
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime? Sandy Claus!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subordinate claus.
There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife,"Look honey. Its raining." She, being the obstinate type, responded,"I don't think so, dear. I think its snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife,"Let's step outside and we'll find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel? Its true....Comet cleans sinks!
Bud published this one--It is definitely groanie So this reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere. Coming into the lobby, he is confronted with the strange sight of an old Indian, whittling stick, long black hair, reddish skin, sitting on one of the chairs as if he intends never to get up. "That's Old Chief Forget-Me-Not," whispers the man behind the desk reverently, "he is allowed to stay here for free because he let me build my hotel on his reservation." "Why the weird name?" whispers the reporter. "Old Chief NEVER forgets anything that happened to him since he was two. Now he is 102. Fantastic memory." Once the reporter has checked in, he decides to check out old Forget-Me-Not. "Hey Chief!" he calls, "What'd you have for breakfast on the morning of your 21st birthday?" "Eggs," replies the Chief without even looking up. The reporter is so amazed, he jumps in his car and drives at least two hours over to where his other reporter friend is staying. Once telling the story over, both reporters jump in the car and drive right back two hours to the hotel, smelling a big scoop. On the way, the second reporter tells the first: "Why don't you address the Chief more respectfully, so he'll demonstrate to us more?" Following his friend's advice, the first reporter greets the Chief with a resounding "HOW!!" "Scrambled," replies the Chief.
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