TRIVIA: * There are four states where the first letter of the capital city is the same letter as the first letter of the state: Dover, Delaware; Honolulu, Hawaii; Indianapolis, Indiana; and Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. * There are four cars and eleven lightposts on the back of a ten-dollar bill. * Venetian blinds were invented in Japan. * The Battle of Bunker Hill was fought at neighboring Breed's Hill. * Former US Senator Barry Goldwater attended the opening night ceremonies and festivities at Bugsy Siegel's famous Las Vegas casino. They left him out of the movie Bugsy. He is not happy. * Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute. * ABBA got their name by taking the first letter from each of their first names (Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny, Anni-frid.) * The first electric Christmas lights were created by a telephone company PBX installer. Back in the old days, candles were used to decorate Christmas trees. This was obviously very dangerous. Telephone employees are trained to be safety conscious. This installer took the lights from an old switchboard, connected them together, strung them on the tree, and hooked them to a battery. * "White Out" was invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith (Formerly of the Monkees) * The "huddle" in football was formed due a deaf football player who used sign language to communicate and his team didn't want the opposition to see the signals he used and in turn huddled around him. * There is no such thing as naturally blue food, even blueberries are purple. * In the 1983 film "JAWS 3D" the shark blows up. Some of the shark guts were the stuffed ET dolls being sold at the time. * Walt Disney had wooden teeth. * The hundred billionth crayon made by Crayola was Perriwinkle Blue. * Montana mountain goats will butt heads so hard their hooves fall off. * The coast line around Lake Sakawea in North Dakota is longer than the California coastline along the Pacific Ocean. * Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance ever nominated for an Oscar with "Midnight Cowboy." Her entire role lasted only six minutes. * The legbones of a bat are so thin that no bat can walk. * Kitsap County, Washington, was originally called Slaughter County, and the first hotel there was called the Slaughter House. * Seattle, Washington, like Rome, was built on seven hills. * Dinosaur droppings are called coprolites, and are actually fairly common. * School busses in the United States are Chrome Yellow and used to be Omaha Orange. * The Beatles song "Dear Prudence" was written about Mia Farrow's sister, Prudence, when she wouldn't come out and play with Mia and the Beatles at a religious retreat in India. * The tailless dinner jacket was invented in Tuxedo Park, New York. Thus it is called the "tuxedo dinner jacket" and is named after the town...not the other way around. * The state of Maryland has no natural lakes. * Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball. * The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world. * Rhode Island is the smallest state with the longest name. The official name, used on all state documents, is Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. * The chemical formula for Rubidium Bromide is RbBr. It is the only chemical formula known to be a palindrome! * St. Paul, Minnesota was originally called Pigs Eye after a man who ran a saloon there. * The first letters of the months July through November, in order, spell the name JASON. * The first letters of the names of the Great Lakes spell HOMES. * The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial. * Soldiers from every country salute with their right hand. * Moisture, not air, causes superglue to dry. * Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his famous transatlantic flight. * Sarsaparilla is the root that flavors root beer. * The U.S. Mint in Denver, Colorado is the only mint that marks its pennies. * A full moon always rises at sunset. * If you are locked in a completely sealed room, you will die of carbon dioxide poisoning first before you will die of oxygen deprivation. * Moon was Buzz Aldrin's mother's maiden name. (Buzz Aldrin was the second man on the moon in 1969.) * The only two Southern state capitals not occupied by Northern troops during the American Civil War were Austin, Texas and Tallahasse, Florida.
QUOTES: "Friendship is one mind in two bodies." -- Mencius
"True friendship is never serene." -- Mariede Svign
"Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears." --?
"It's the friends you can call up at 4am that matter." -- Marlene Dietrick
"A friend is a gift you give yourself." -- Robert Louis Stevenson
"Friend - a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection and loyalty." - Collins English Dictionary
"A new friendship is like an unripened fruit - it may become either an orange or a lemon" -- Emma Stacey
"Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success." -- Oscar Wilde
"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner." --James Bovard, Civil Libertarian
"Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries." --Douglas Casey
"The most beautiful invention of man is bicarbonate of soda." --Francis Picabia
"I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt." --Eric Sykes
"Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport." --Duffy Daugherty CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS Grandpa Dave Glossner contributed this one. An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my Will three times!"
Don't pinch me. Thanks to Irishrose, Rosemary Bednarczyk. An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me." "Why not?" he asks. She answers back, "Because I'm dead." The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another." She says, "No, I'm definitely dead." He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?" "Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."
Another Irishrose contribution. The doctor gazed at the harassed, stout lady who sat on the other side of his desk. "I was right, Mrs. Green," he announced, "You are definitely pregnant again." "This will be the fifteenth, doc," said Mrs. Green grimly. You'll have to help me. Enough is enough. I want one of those hearing aids!" "A hearing aid?" frowned the doctor. "Surely you mean a contraceptive device?" "I mean a hearing aid, doctor. You see it's like this. Every Saturday night my husband comes in drunk. When he gets into bed he says, "Now then, are we going to sleep, or what?" And every blasted time I say, 'What?"
20 Things I've Learned from TV From Just for Grins 1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. 2. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 3. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 4. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. 6. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. 8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. 10. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames. 11. People on TV never finish their drinks 12. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium. 13. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. 14. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments, and maintain a stern expression. 15. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one. 16. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. 17. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste. 18. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged. 19. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. 20. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
Hillbilly Medical Terms This list from Herb Larson. Benign................What you be after you be eight. Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria. Barium.................What you do with dead folks. Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan................Searching for the cat. Cauterize..........Made eye contact with her. Colic...............A sheep dog. Coma...............A punctuation mark. D&C................Where Washington is. Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do. Enema.............Not a friend. Fester............Quicker than someone else. Fibula............A small lie. G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball. Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on. Impotent...........Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work. Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates. Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake. Node....................I knew it. Outpatient..............A person who has fainted. Pap Smear................A fatherhood test. Pelvis...................Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative...........A letter carrier. Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery. Secretion.......Hiding something Tablet..........A small table to change babies on. Seizure..........Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section. Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the train station. Tumor...............More than one. Urine...............Opposite of mine. Varicose............Near by Hospital............The biggest building in town, other than Joe's feed warehouse or Franks lumber mill.
Rattlesnakes Bud sent this one and I had to send it to fireman son David My husband was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As he headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week asking for assistance with removing the snakes. "You've got to be kidding," was the astonished reply. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?" "Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is the snake on fire?'"
Florida Minister...Good Clean Fun and Bud for this one. A minister in Florida lamented that it was difficult to get his message across to his local congregation: "It's so beautiful here in the winter," he said, "that heaven doesn't interest them that much." "And it's so hot here in the summer that hell doesn't really scare them either."
This is not a political crack. It is cute. Bud for this one too. Finally, a bumper sticker for BOTH political parties! The hottest selling bumper sticker comes from New York State: "RUN HILLARY RUN" Democrats put it on the rear bumper. Republicans put it on the front bumper.
THE GROANERS: Right on Rick From Just For Grins Rick filled his car with gas. After he had paid and drove off, he realized that he left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped to look and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," Rick thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks!"
You probably heard this one. but then again maybe you were the ironer. A patient with two red ears went to the doctor. The doctor asked what had had happened to her ears? "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang—but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief, "But, what happened to your other ear?" "The idiot called back."
Three Blondies from Bud Casselberry. You hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that 1 out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese.
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" "No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
THAT'S ALL FOLKS! THERE AIN'T NO MO!
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