TRIVIA: The Best Kept Ride secrets: From The Conklin Shows * Their Giant Wheel is the Largest Portable Wheel in North America * The G Force weighs over 240,000 pounds. * The Doppel Looping Roller Coaster has 1700 feet of track. * If you rode every ride on the Polar Express at the Stampede (a Canadian Fair) you would have traveled 835 miles. * The Super Spectacular rides on the Conklin Midway were imported from Holland, Italy, Germany France and the United States. * Rides are hugely expensive to purchase. For instance Chance Manufacturing, the top maker of amusement rides quote on a new carousel, their smallest simplest merry-go-round, is $350,000.00 US. To replace the Double Loop Coaster would cost in excess of $5,000,000.00 not including the trailers and equipment to move the ride. To replace all the rides on the Conklin Shows would cost well over $50.000.000.00 * The cost of moving rides, from Fair to Fair, even before the increase in gas, has become almost prohibitive. Last year to move the show the 20,000 miles from Florida to the Calgary Stampede and back cost in excess of $5,000,000.00. * For each $1.00 spent ride coupons Conklin Shows pays the fairs from 25 cents to 35 cents for the privilege of providing the carnival. * It takes 10,350 Kilowatt generator to operate the show each day The show generates enough electricity to supply a good sized town of 30,000.
MORE TRIVIA * A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. * The smallest mountain range in the world is outside of Marysville, California and is named the Sutter Buttes. * The Ramses brand condom is named after the great phaoroh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children. * Many species of bird copulate in the air. In general, a couple will fly to a very high altitude, and then drop. During their descent, the birds mate. Sometimes the couple gets too involved and SPLAT! (We are lucky, huh? -- Mike) * If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die because they need gravity to swallow. * There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, here, ere, therein, herein. * You would have to count to one thousand to use the letter "A" in the English language to spell a whole number. * The only member of the band ZZ Top without a beard has the last name Beard. (go figure -- Mike) * Ants cannot chew their food, they move their jaws sidewards, like a scissor, to extract the juices from the food. * The letters H I O X in the latin alphabet is the only ones that look the same if you turn them upside down or see them from behind. * The little hole in the sink that lets the water drain out, instead of flowing over the side, is called a "porcelator". * When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home to a sellout crowd, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city. * In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam." * Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson." * Captain Kirk never said "Beam me up, Scotty," but he did say, "Beam me up, Mr. Scott". * Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. (I wonder--Mike) * More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes. * The metal part of a lamp that surrounds the bulb and supports the shade is called a harp. * The metal part at the end of a pencil is twenty percent sulfur. * John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show" was the narrator of "The Texas * Chainsaw Massacre." * Vietnamese currency consists only of paper money; no coins. * Vincent Van Gogh sold exactly one painting while he was alive, Red Vineyard at Arles. * A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. * It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. * Skin is thickest on the back -- 1/6 of an inch. * The most sensitive finger is the forefinger. * Alaska is the most northern, western and eastern state; it also has the highest latitude, the most eastern longitude and the most western longitude. * Some of Beethoven's symphonies were performed in Kentucky before they were performed in Paris, France.
QUOTES: "A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done." --President Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you." -- Elbert Hubard
"I get by with a little help from my friends." -- John Lennon
"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." -- Bible: Ecclesiastes
"Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends." -- Mary Catherwood
"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." -- C. S. Lewis
"You haven't failed till you quit trying." -- Anonymous
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." --Thomas Edison
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours. --Ayn Rand (Used to be my second favorite author, John O'Hara was first--Mike)
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." --Mark Twain
"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement." --Snoopy
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." --Groucho Marx
CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS Honey, has anyone ever told you....This one from Joke Of The Day via Bud Casselberry After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?" The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't." The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"
My mom told me this one this past Monday while on the way to visit an old friend of hers. Little Johnny, in his first day at a new school, raised his hand for "number one" and asked how to find the bathroom... After getting directions, he left the classroom. He returned a few minutes later and told the teacher that he couldn't find it. The teacher asked Bobby, who was familiar with the school, to show Jimmy the way to the "boys' room." When they returned, the teacher asked Bobby why he thought Jimmy had trouble finding it, since it was right around the corner from the classroom. Bobby replied, "No problem with the room, he had his shorts on backwards."
The birds and bees...and cows? I love this one from Bud A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer." After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?" "Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
Finally, some definitions that make sense.........Herb Larson sent these to me. ADULT A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. HANDKERCHIEF Cold Storage. INFLATION Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN Grape with a sunburn. SECRET Something you tell to one person at a time. SKELETON A bunch of bones with the person scraped off. TOOTHACHE The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN An honest opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES Something other people have. -- You have character lines.
Significant Memorial! A woman's husband dies. He had $20,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple and all. That was $500 and I spent another $500 for the shiva, food and drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$12,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big was it?" The widow says, "Three carats."
Out All Night - Brother Bob Casselberry to Bud. A man staggered home late after another evening out with his drinking buddies. His shoes held in his left hand, to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but he misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing to suppress a yelp, the man sprung up, pulled down his pants, and examined his lacerated and bleeding butt cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway. He managed to find a large full box of Band-Aids and proceeded to place a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed. In the morning, the man awoke with searing pain in head and butt and his wife staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night." Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied, "Now, hon, why would you say such a mean thing?" "Well," she said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but, mostly....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"
From Linda Frye Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings, and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello." WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. t's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure . go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$60,000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!" MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
THE GROANERS: YIPES Thank-You Notes From Bud and Good Clean Fun My first stop on my vacation was my sister's house in Montana. She's extremely organized. Before she leaves on a trip, she always types up address labels for her postcards. This time, I figured I'd done her one better. I boasted, "You'll be impressed. I've already written my thank-you notes to everyone with whom I'll be staying. They're all stamped and ready to go." My sister was silent for a moment, and then she said, "You mean those little envelopes I saw in your room and mailed this morning?"
These guys are on my football team. Bud had this one too. Two college football players named Bubba and Jed were taking an exam in English Literature. They must pass this exam in order to fulfill the academic requirement. If they fail, they would be dropped from the college varsity team for the whole season. The exam was relatively easy as it consisted mainly of fill-in-the-blank type of answers. However, Bubba was stumped by one particular item. The statement read "Complete the nursery phrase ... Ol' MacDonald had a ______." Trying as hard as he could, Bubba could not think of the answer. Seeing the professor was busy reading a book, Bubba took this opportunity to ask his teammate Jed. "Pssst, Jed," whispered Bubba. "What did Ol' MacDonald have?" "Gosh, Bubba, that's easy!" said Jed. Looking to make sure the professor wasn't looking, Jed said, "A farm! Bubba! That's what Ol' MacDonald had. Even babies know that!" "Oh! Right!" nodded Bubba as though it was at the tip of his tongue. But as he proceeded to write down the answer, Bubba stopped to ask Jed again in a low voice. "Hey, Jed! How do you spell farm?" "Jeez, you're so dumb, Bubba!" admonished Jed. "Every one knows farm is spelled 'e-i-e-i-o'."
The Single Guy... Another Bud Man walks into a super market and buys : 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner. The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?" The man replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" She replies "because you're ugly." Here's Your Sign
This one is bad, bad. From Just For Grins A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window stating the following: "Help wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterward, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time, the manager was totally dumbfounded. He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"