TRIVIA: * Native speakers of Japanese learn Spanish much more easily than they learn English. Native speakers of English learn Spanish much more easily than they learn Japanese. * New Zealand kiwis lay the largest eggs with respect to their body size of any bird. * Elephants have been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean. * When two words are combined to form a single word (e.g., motor + hotel = motel, breakfast + lunch = brunch) the new word is called a "portmanteau." * Sting got his name because of a yellow-and-black striped shirt he wore until it literally fell apart. * Every photograph of an American atomic bomb detonation was taken by Harold Edgerton. * The topknot that quails have is called a hmuh. * Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth ... and whose shame created the expression for ignominy, "His name is Mudd." * The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. * The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint -- no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers. * There is a type of parrot in New Zealand that likes to eat the rubber strips that line car windows. * New Zealand is also the only country that contains every type of climate in the world. * Cockroaches' favorite food is the glue on envelopes and on the back of postage stamps * In 1969, the last Corvair was painted gold. * Ralph Kramden made 62 dollars a week. * The only way to stop the pain of the flathead fish's sting is by rubbing the same fish's slime on the wound it gave you. * Betsy Ross was born with a fully formed set of teeth. * Betsy Ross's other contribution to the American Revolution, beside sewing the first American flag, was running a munitions factory in her basement. * Devo's original name was going to be De-evolution. They shortened it to Devo. * Bob Dylan's real name is Robert Zimmerman. * Andy Warhol created the Rolling Stone's emblem depicting the big tongue. It first appeared on the cover of the 'Sticky Fingers' album. * Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr were the two left-handed Beatles. * Chris Ford scored the first ever NBA three-point shot. * Of all the East Coast States, New Hampshire has the shortest coastline, about fourteen miles. * New Hampshire is also the only State name the has four consecutive consonants in it (in the same word). * Ontario is the only Canadian Province that borders the Great Lakes. * Alaska has the longest border with Canada of all the fifty states. * Montana has the longest border with Canada of the lower forty-eight States. * Montana also borders the most Canadian Provinces of all the fifty states. It borders three of them. * Arkansas is the only US State that begins with "a" but does not end with "a". All the other States that begin with "a", Arizona, Alabama and Alaska, also end with "a". * Only three angels are mentioned by name in the Bible: Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer. * Dr. Seuss pronounced "Seuss" such that it rhymed with "rejoice." * Wilma Flinestone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker. * Lenny Kravitz's mother played the part of "Helen" on "The Jeffersons." * The term "devil's advocate" comes from the Roman Catholic church. When deciding if someone should become a saint, a devil's advocate is always appointed to give an alternative view. * Compact discs read from the inside to the outside edge, the reverse of how a record works. * The term "Mayday" used for signaling for help (after SOS), it comes from the French term "M'aidez" which is pronounced "MayDay" and means, "Help Me" * Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave. * The Great Chicago Fire of 1871 did start in a barn belonging to Patrick and Katherine O'Leary. The O'Leary's house was one of the few that survived the fire. The O'Leary's house had to be guarded by soldiers for weeks afterwards, however, because many enraged residents wanted to burn it down. * The biggest bell is the "Tsar Kolokol" cast in the Kremlin in 1733. It weighs 216 tons, but alas, it is cracked and has never been rung. The bell was being stored in a Moscow shed which caught fire. To "save" it the caretakers decided to throw water on the bell. This did not succeed in -- the water hit the superheated metal and a giant piece immediately cracked off, destroying the bell forever.
HARGREAVES, JAMES James Hargreaves (1720? - April 22, 1778) was an English weaver and spinner (he spun wool thread using a spinning wheel). He invented the spinning jenny, a hand-powered multiple spinning machine. The spinning jenny was much more efficient than the spinning wheel. With a spinning wheel, a person could produce only one yarn thread at a time. With Hargreaves' spinning jenny, a person could produce up to eight threads at once (it used one spinning wheel and 8 spindles on which threads were wound). The thread that the spinning jenny produced was coarse, and was only suited for filling material, but it was still quite a useful invention, and led the way to even better spinning devices. Hargreaves is said to have gotten the idea for his remarkable invention after his young daughter (named Jenny) overturned his spinning wheel. When it was upturned, it continued to spin, and Hargreaves realized that many spinning wheels could be positioned like this, creating a multiple-wheeled spinning machine. Hargreaves began selling spinning jenny's from his home, near Blackburn, Lancashire, England. After hearing of his invention, local spinners became fearful of losing their jobs and broke into Hargreaves' house, destroying his spinning jennies. He then moved to Nottingham, England (in 1768). Thomas James became Hargreaves' partner and they began a spinning mill which used spinning jennies (which could now produce even more threads per machine). Hargreaves patented the spinning jenny on July 12, 1770.
NAISMITH, JAMES James Naismith (1861-1939) was a Canadian physical education instructor who invented the game of basketball in 1891. He developed this indoor game so that his students could participate in sports during the winter. In his original game, which he invented while at the Springfield, Massachusetts YMCA (Young Men's Christian Association), Naismith used a soccer ball which were thrown into peach baskets (with their bottoms intact). The first public basketball game was in Springfield, MA, USA, on March 11, 1892. Basketball was first played at the Olympics in Berlin Germany in 1936 (America won the gold medal, and Naismith was there). Naismith was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame in 1978.
QUOTES: "So, you're saying this rumor is a 'definite maybe'?" -- Roger Wright
"Do not let yesterday take up too much of today." -- Unknown
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. " --Lily Tomlin
"It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor." --Max Eastman
"Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment." --Ira Gassen
"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook." --William James
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. --Somebody? I wish it had been me because, sadly, it is the truth.
CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS I'll start this week with some "pro-male" stories, only fair because I've printed many unchallenged male bashing jokes in the past. Bud Casselberry sent these to me. An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, Dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
This is a repost from Gary n' Patty. I really like it so "RERUN." An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe pits, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of college girls skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. "I only came to feed the alligator." Moral: Old age and wisdom will triumph over youth.
Get a Texan that is a Cowboy and a Baptist and you got a good story. Another Gary n' Patti here. A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of Beer and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin, and I'm in Texas. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church in Longview and I had to quit drinking ...... Hasn't affected my brothers though.
Roughing It .....Bud listed this one too. It came from Good Clean Fun and it'll tickle ya. A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska -- a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog team instead of a car. "If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife. She replied, "You."
Eating His Oats. Bill Hamm sent this one to Bud Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. After eating his first bowl, he told my sister, "I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real rough." "Well," she asked, "how long did you cook it?" "You're supposed to cook it?" he said.
Just For Grins for this one. The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
THE GROANERS: From Just For Grins Part of this one is a rerun but there is an add-on worth GROANING about. After years of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball went to the circus owner and told him he was going to retire. 'But you can't!' shouted the cigar-chomping boss. 'Where am I going to find a man of your caliber?' As it turned out, the human cannonball who replaced him was hired and fired the same night.
Gary n' Patti for this Dutchie one. A Dutchman is applying for a job. The foreman told him he could have the job if, and only if, he could answer 3 questions. Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" The Dutchman says. "Dat is easy," and proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Dutchman. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Dutchman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "'Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now! So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."! The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this Dutchman, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Dutchman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "Ere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" The Dutchman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred..... So when I start?"
Hang On! Bud Casselberry featured this one in his weekly Joke Page. My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking 30 to 45 mph crosswinds. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, "What do you people do in Kansas when the wind quits?" The tollbooth attendant didn't miss a beat when she answered, "We take the rocks out of our pockets."
Lost boots...Joke of the Day You're going to think you heard this one but it has a twist. There was a little boy in kindergarten. At the end of one cold winter day, when all the other children were leaving, the teacher found him crying, so she asked him what was wrong. He sobbed, "I can't find my boots." The teacher looked around the classroom and saw a pair of boots. "Are these yours?" "No, they're not mine," said the little boy, shaking his head. The teacher and the boy searched all over the classroom for his boots. Finally, the teacher gave up, "Are you SURE those boots are not yours?" "I'm sure," the boy sobbed, "mine had snow on them."
No one deserves credit for this one. It just evolved. Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!". "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?" The clerk replies "Canned or frozen?"
Sister Pat who had blonde hair as a youngster sent this blonde Groaner. A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HellOOOOOOO," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"