TRIVIA: GABE, FRANCES Frances Gabe (actually, Frances G. Bateson) (1915-) invented and patented the self-cleaning house. Gabe, who lives in Newberg, Oregon, USA, disliked housework intensely. She designed and lives in a house in which each room has a 10-inch square, "Cleaning/ Drying/ Heating/ Cooling" device on the ceiling. To clean a room, all you have to do is push a button in a room, and the cleaning unit sends a powerful spray of soapy water around the room. It then rinses and blow-dries the room. Each room has a slightly-sloping floor, so the water would drain well. Frances stored valuable objects (and things that should not get wet) under glass. The house also has self-cleaning sinks, bathtubs and toilets. Her cupbord doubles as a dishwasher and her clothes are cleaned, dried and stored while hanging in the closet. Gabe holds 68 patents. Frances said, "Housework is a thankless, unending job, a nerve-tangling bore. Who wants it? Nobody! With my jaw set hard I was determined there had to be a better way!"
LEAD PENCIL The "lead" pencil (which contains no lead) was invented in 1564 when a huge graphite (black carbon) mine was discovered in Borrowdale, Cumbria, England. The pure graphite was sawn into sheets and then cut into square rods. The graphite rods were inserted into hand-carved wooden holders, forming pencils. They were called lead pencils by mistake - at the time, the newly-discovered graphite was called black lead or "plumbago," from the Greek word for lead - it looked and acted like lead, and it was not known at the time that graphite consisted of carbon and not lead. The English had a monopoly on the production of pencils since no other pure graphite mines were known and no one had yet found a way to make graphite sticks. The Germans manufactured graphite sticks (made from powdered graphite), but they were impractical. In 1795, the Nicholas Jacques Conte (a French officer in Napoleon's army) patented the modern method of kiln-firing powdered graphite with clay to make graphite rods fro pencils. By varying the ratio of graphite to clay, the hardness of the graphite can also vary. Before themid-1500s, "pencils" consisted of a thin rod composed of soft lead, and were used mostly by artists. The word pencil comes from the Latin word "penicillus," which means "little tail" - the name of the tiny brush that ancient Romans used as a writing instrument. Graphite (named for the Greek word meaning "to write") was chemically analyzed in 1779 (by K.W. Scheele) and named in 1789 (by A.G. Werner).
DIDJA KNOW? * The lot numbers for the cyanide-tainted Tylenol capsules scare back in 1982 were MC2880 and 1910MD. * Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonalds. * The Roman emperor Caligula made his horse a senator. * At latitude 60 degrees south you can sail all the way around the world. * A Chinese checkerboard has 121 holes. * The hyoid bone, in your throat, is the only bone in the body not attached to another bone. * Mice, whales, elephants, giraffes and man all have seven neck vertebra. * Sunbeams that shine down through the clouds are called crespucular rays. * Very small clouds that look like they have been broken off of bigger clouds are called scuds. * On a dewy morning, if you look at your shadow in the grass, the dew drops shine light back to your eye creating a halo called a heilgenschein (German for halo.) * The correct response to the Irish greeting, "Top of the morning to you," is "and the rest of the day to yourself." * Giraffes have no vocal cords. * Joe DiMaggio had more home runs than strikeouts during his career. * All porcupines float in water. * Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio. * A-1 Steak Sauce contains both orange peel and raisins. * Many northern parishes (counties) of Louisiana did not agree with the Confederate movement. To show their disapproval, they changed their names. That's why there is a Union Parish, Jefferson Parish, etc. * The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites. * The Chinese ideogram for 'trouble' symbolizes 'two women living under one roof'. * German has a wood for the peace offerings brought to your mate when you've committed some conceived slight. This is "drachenfutter" or dragon's food. * In Chinese, the words for crisis and opportunity are the same. * No word in the English language rhymes with month. * Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired." * The poisonous copperhead smells likefresh cut cucumbers. * In Disney's "Fantasia", the Sorcerer's name is "Yensid" (Disney backwards.) * The smallest mushroom's name is "Hop-low." * Anne Boleyn had six fingernails on one hand. * Mustard gas was invented in the McKinley Building on the American University campus. Additionally, preliminary work on the Manhattan Project was done in that building. The government used the McKinley Building because of its unusual archticture. If there would be any type of large explosion inside the building, the building would implode onto itself, containing any lethal gas or nuclear material. The building now houses the Physics Department. * When angered, the ears of Tazmanian devils turn a pinkish-red. (See graphic above) * The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. * The naval rank of "Admiral" is derived from the Arabic phrase "amir al bahr", which means "lord of the sea". * The Les Nessman character on the TV series WKRP in Cincinnati wore a band-aid in every episode. Either on himself, his glasses, or his clothing. * A coat hanger is 44 inches long if straightened * The roads on the island of Guam are made with coral. Guam has no sand. The sand on the beaches is actually ground coral. * When concrete is mixed, the coral sand is used instead of importing regular sand from thousands of miles away. * Mt. Vernon Washington grows more tulips than the entire country of Holland. * Jamie Farr (who played Klinger on M*A*S*H) was the only member of the cast who actually served as a soldier in the Korean war. * The southern most city in the United States is Na'alehu, Hawaii. * Alaska was the only part of the United States that was invaded by the Japanese during WWII. The territory was the island of Adak in the Aleutian Chain. * Woodward Ave in Detroit, Michigan carries the designation M-1, named so because it was the first paved road anywhere. * Michigan was the first state to plow it's roads and the first to adopt a yellow dividing line. * Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village". * The longest chapter in the Bible is Psalm 119. * The shortest verse in the Bible is "Jesus wept." * Way back when they were using marble columns, the people selling the columns would carve out the centers and fill it with wax.So the people buying them started asking "Is it without wax?" Or in other words "Are you sincere?" * Zaire is the world leader in cobalt mining, producing two-thirds of the world's cobalt supply. * No modern language has a true concept of "I am." It is always used linked with are in reference of another verb. * Little known Cathedral Caverns near Grant, Alabama has the world's largest cave opening, the largest stalagmite (Goliath), and the largest stalagmite forest in the World. * The only person ever to decline a Pulitzer Prize for Fiction was Sinclair Lewis for his book Arrowsmith. * Maine is the only state that borders on only one state. * There are almost twice as many people in Rhode Island than there are in Alaska. * Kudzu is not indigenous to the South, but in that climate it can grow up to six inches a day. * Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ? * The word 'byte' is a contraction of 'by eight.' * The word 'pixel' is a contraction of either 'picture cell' or 'picture element.' * Ralph Lauren's original name was Ralph Lifshitz. * Bananas do not grow on trees, but on rhizomes. * Astronauts in the Space Shuttle are weightless not because there is no gravity in space, but because they are in free fall around the Earth. * Lizzie Borden was acquitted. * Alexander Hamilton was shot by Aaron Burr in the groin. * Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category. * Roger Ebert is the only film critic to have ever won the Pulitzer prize. * A scholar who studies the Marquis de Sade is called a Sadian, not a Sadist (of course). * Tribeca in Manhattan stands for TRIangle BElow CAnal street. Soho stands for SOuth of HOuston street. * Columbia University is the second largest landowner in New York City, after the Catholic Church. * The world's largest wine cask is in Heidleberg, Germany. * Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an aligator while he hosted "Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom." * Cat's urine glows under a blacklight. * Seven Olympic gold medal winners eventually went on to win the Heavyweight Championship of the World * Kerimski Church in Finland is world's biggest church made of wood.The St. Louis Gateway Arch had a * projected death toll while it was being built. No one died. The average ear of corn has eight-hundred kernels arranged in sixteen rows. * A cat has four rows of whiskers. * Vincent Van Gogh comitted suicide while painting Wheat Field with Crows. * An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes. * Jelly Belly jelly beans were the first jelly beans in outer space when they went up with astronauts in the June 21, 1983 voyage of the space shuttle Challenger (the same voyage as the first American woman in space, Sally Ride). * Baseballer Connie Mack's real name was Cornelius McGilicuddy. * If you were standing in the northernmost point in the contiguous (48) states, you'd be standing in Minnesota. * Only thirty percent of the famous Maryland blue crabs are actually from Maryland, the rest are from North Carolina and Virginia. * Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator. * Not all of West Virginia voted to go with the North. When the State of West Virginia was formed from Virginia in 1863 the three western counties in Virginia voted to go with West Virginia, but West Virginia didn't take them because they were poor. Instead they took three counties that voted to stay with Virginia, because they were richer and they had the B&O railroad. Those counties since split and are 5 Jefferson, Hampshire, Berkley, Mineral, and Morgan. * The first Ford cars had Dodge engines. * The Dodge brothers Horace and John were Jewish, that's why the first Dodge emblem had a star of David in it. * Studebaker was the only major car company to stop making cars while making a profit from them. * Studebaker still exists, but is now called Worthington. * Chrysler built B-29's that bombed Japan, Mitsubishi built Zeros that tried to shoot them down. Both companies now build cars in a joint plant call Diamond Star. QUOTES: "They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days." --Garrison Keillor.
"The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too." --Samuel Butler
"Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment." --Anonymous
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me... they were cramming for finals.
"One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him." --Chinese Proverb
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" --Alan Minter
"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button." --Sam Levenson
"No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am." --Bart Simpson
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Greg Norman)
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" --Terry Venables
CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS The Talking Clock. C. Wayne Wert sent this one. While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock", the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU GOOBER! It's two AM in the morning!
This one from Just For Grins. I've heard this one before but with a little different twist. John went to the doctor because he had bulging eyes and a persistent ringing in his ears. The doctor looked him over and suggested removing his tonsils. The tonsillectomy resulted in no improvement, so John consulted a dentist who suggested that removing his teeth might eliminate the problem. All of John's teeth were extracted but still his eyes bulged out and the annoying ringing in his ears continued. A third doctor told him bluntly, "You have six months to live." Feeling doomed and gloomy, John decided to treat himself right while he still had time, so he bought a flashy car, hired a chauffeur and a gardener, and got himself measured by a tailor for some new suits. To go along with the new suits, he decided that even his shirts would be made to order. "Okay," said the shirt maker, "let's get your measurements. Hmm, thirty-four sleeve, sixteen collar --" "No, I wear a fifteen collar" John told him. "Sixteen collar," the shirt maker repeated, measuring again. "But I've always worn a fifteen collar," said John. "Listen," said the shirt maker, "I'm telling you right now, if you keep on wearing a tight fifteen collar, your eyes will bulge out and you'll have ringing in your ears."
Another Just For Grins-- This one could have been a Groaner. I heard about a lady who was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on, so as soon as she stopped she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
Pete & Gladys Good Clean Fun and it also qualified for inclusion in Bud's Jokes. Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment ... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, "Who told you about us?"
Wayne C. Smith sent this one. A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagonload of corn. A farmer, who lived nearby, heard the noise and yelled to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles and come in for a visit. I'll help you pick the wagon up later... "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but Pa wouldn't like me to." "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted. "Well, OK" the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish" the neighbor said with a smile, "by the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon," replied the boy.
Pick-up line comebacks... Dr. Bill Hamm sent these to Bud who forwarded them to us. He: Haven't we met before? She: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the Bad Breath Clinic.
He: Is this seat empty? She: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
He: So, wanna go back to my place? She: I don't know. Can two people fit under a rock?
He: Your place or mine? She: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
He: So what do you do for a living? She: I'm a female impersonator.
He: Hey, baby, what's your sign? She: Do Not Enter
He: I know how to please a woman. She: Then please leave me alone.
He: I'd go to the end of the world for you. She: Sure, but would you stay there?
Another Dr Bill Hamm, fitting too. A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep."
Wayne C for this one. Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in the other members private lives. Church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny, he said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...and left it there all night.
THE GROANERS: Good news and bad news...Bill Hamm sent this one to Bud. A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER "Well, the air bag works.
Kings birthday: Dr Bill Hamm got very busy this week. Many years ago, in the south pacific, there was a small island kingdom that was ruled by a kind and benevolent King. Each year, on the King's birthday, the residents of the island gave the King a new throne as token of their love and respect for him. And each year, the King would put last years gift up in the attic of his small grass house. After many years of ruling the island, the weight of the large number of birthday presents stored up in the attic became too heavy and caused the house to collapse down on the King. Moral to the story is: He who lives in grass house, shouldn't stow thrones.
Janet Shields sent this one. This one, actually one similar, was my grandpa's favorite. The best ones live on, jokes that is. A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. Absolutely flabbergasted that anyone would have extra teeth with them, the speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "Hang on. I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth...and sure enough, pulled out yet, another pair! "Here try theses on." The speaker said, "Oh, wow! They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "Oh....no, no. no.....I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."
Bud sent these Blonde quips. AUTO REPAIR A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The other blond yells back, "You ARE on the other side." KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was: "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" FINAL EXAM The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."