TRIVIA QUOTES CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
TRIVIA: Paper airplane trivia Source: The Paper Aircraft Association • The Guinness World Record for longest duration of a flight by a paper aircraft, indoors, is 27.6 seconds, held by Ken Blackburn of St. Louis. • The longest distance flown by a paper aircraft, launched indoors from the ground, is 193 feet, a record held by Tony Fletch of Wisconsin. (That distance is almost equal to the length of a jumbo jet.) • The paper aircraft with the largest wingspan was made by a team of students from the Faculty of Aerospace Engineering at the Delft University of Technology in the Netherlands. It had a wingspan of 40 feet, 10 inches. Launched from an indoor 10-foot platform, it flew 114 feet, 2 inches. • The most expensive paper airplane ever flown? It could be considered the one thrown inside one of the NASA space shuttles during a routine space flight. The fuel required to get it into space runs up the price tag, of course. • In space, where there is no atmosphere, a paper airplane would not fly but would float away in a straight line forever, or until it ran into an object of some sort. • The smallest paper airplane was an origami model folded under a microscope by a Mr. Naito from Japan who used tweezers to do the work. It was made from a piece of paper 2.9 mm square. It was mounted on the head of a needle — and did not ever fly.
General Trivia A typical school bus gets about seven miles per gallon of fuel.
San Francisco cable cars are the only mobile national monuments in the United States.
It took 55 hours to build each new 1998 'C5' Corvette
What is the highest mileage by a single car? 1,579,040 Miles as of July 10, 1995 by a VW Beetle belonging to Albert Klein
What did Lamborghini produce before they started making fast cars? Tractors
The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.
A total of forty-three 1983 model Corvettes were built, but there were so many quality problems with them it was decided to halt production until they could be corrected. By the time the problems were corrected, it was so late into the model year that the car was brought out as a 1984 model which was run for a year and a half. The 1983's were never sold to the public and the only one that is known to still exist is in the National Corvette Museum in Bowling Green, Kentucky.
Water to steam ratio- 1:1600 (one cup of water will make 1600 cups of steam.)
Babe Ruth has the record for career strikeouts-- 1,330.
The chances of dying in a car are 1 in 125-- airplane 1 in 4.6 million-- elevator 1 in 6 million-- earthquake 1 in 11 million.
Americans open the refrigerator an average of 22 times per day.
By age 65, the human heart will have beat about 2 1/2 billion times.
The initials M.G. on the famous British-made automobile stand for "Morris Garage."
Castor oil is used as a lubricant in jet planes.
The height and width of modern American battleships was originally determined by insuring they had to be able to go beneath the Brooklyn Bridge and through the Panama Canal.A jet plane breathes more air between takeoff and 30,000 feet than a man breathes in 20 years.
What is the land vehicle speed record? Driver Andy Green pushed Richard Noble’s Thrust SSC vehicle to 763.035 mph to break the one mile record over Nevada’s Black Rock Desert in October 1997. The Thrust SSC was the first car to break the sound barrier.
As an advertising gimmick, Carl Mayer, nephew of lunchmeat mogul Oscar Meyer, invented the company's "Wienermobile". On July 18, 1936, the first Oscar Mayer "Wienermobile" rolled out of General Body Company's factory in Chicago. The Wienermobile still tours the U.S. today.
Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger bought the first Hummer manufactured for civilian use in 1992. The vehicle weighed in at 6,300 pounds and was 7 feet wide.
A supertanker (fully loaded) traveling at a normal speed of 16 knots needs at least 20 minutes to come to a stop.
Why are portholes (windows) on a ship round? The constant up and down motion of a ship places a lot of strain and stress on a ship's outer covering, or skin. If portholes were designed at angles, the stress would tend to concentrate at those points and perhaps crack the skin (probably not a good thing). With portholes being round, this stress is evenly distributed around the holes, making it less likely for these cracks to occur.
The name of the statuette atop the hood of every Rolls Royce car is: The Spirit of Ecstasy.
A Boeing 707 uses four thousand gallons of fuel in its take-off climb.
61,000 people are airborne over the US any given hour.
The Space Shuttle's main engine weighs 1/7th as much as a train’s engine, but delivers as much horsepower as 39 train engines.
Each of the Space Shuttle's solid rocket boosters burns 5 tons of propellant per second.
QUOTES: "Do not put your spoon into the pot which does not boil for you." --Romanian Proverb
"The pendulum of the mind oscillates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." --Carl Jung
"What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?" --Irv Kupcinet
"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from a realistic simulation involving a big hammer and a laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad." --Dave Barry
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?" --George Price
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." --Mark Twain
"Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory." --Robert Benchley
"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time." --Friedrich Nietzsche
"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards." --Rudyard Kipling
CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS It's their turn From Linda Frye. Blue Necks are Northerners -- the opposite of Rednecks. Because of Redneck jokes, here are some takes on how Southern folks look at Northerners (or how Northerners sometimes think of themselves;) YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK IF... ..Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women. ..You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside." ..You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY. ..You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled peanuts, not road kill, Dummy!) ..You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly. ..For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits. ..You don't know what a moon pie is. You have probably never watched a moon pie in a microwave. Awesome! ..You've never had an RC Cola. ..You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled. ..You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. ..You have no idea what a polecat is. .You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog. ..You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show. ..You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes." ..You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show. . You have never been hep'd. ..You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach ..You have never gone to a family reunion to pick up women. ..You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house. ..You couldn't find the eye of the stove if your life depended on it. ..You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores. .You have more than one professional sports team in your home state. .You call binoculars opera glasses. ..You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping. ..You can't spit without opening your mouth. ..You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice) ..You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Freddie, Johnnie, Jimmie, Ricki) ..You don't have Maw-maw's, Me-maws, Pawpaw's or Pappaw's. ..You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you. ..None of your fur coats are homemade.
Understanding Engineers......Bud Casselberry, by degree is an engineer, not the train type, but the academic certified engineer type. He found these engineer descriptions and understands them. Take One Two engineering students were crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Take Two To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Take Three A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's agroup of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." Then engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Take Four What's the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and CivilEngineers build targets.
Take Five The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries withthat?"
Take Six Censored
Take Seven Normal people ... Believe that if it ain't broke, don 't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough research yet.
Take Eight An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said, "he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship." The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah, If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
POLITICIANS & DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED FOR THE SAME REASON
Why Having Dogs Is Better Than Children: Bill Hamm to Bud. * Dogs can not lie. * Dogs never resist nap time. * You don't need to get extra phone lines for a dog. * It doesn't take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter. * Dogs don't pester you about getting a kid. * Dogs don't care if the peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes. * Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42... Average cost of sending a child: $103,000. * Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12-weeks-old. * Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public. * You do not have to apoligise if your dog misbehaves.
This one from Worldstart. There is some humor to this and following the advice could lead to great results. With the average cost for a Nursing Home reaching $188.00 per day, there is a better way to spend our savings, when we get old & feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and a senior discount. It comes to only $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for: 1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. 2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer,etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. 3. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. 4. There is city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The Handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). 5. To meet other nice people, call a Church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise the cash keeps building up. 6. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And, you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too. 7. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience. 8. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. 9. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and will probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?
From Just For Grins One day at a family reunion, the grandparents were reminiscing. The grandfather remarked, "I wonder what ever happened to the old-fashioned girls who fainted when a man kissed them." The Grandmother gave him a withering look, "What I'd like to know," she said, "is what happened to the old-fashioned men who made them faint!"
Spelling It Right? - - - - Bill Hamm for this one too. A second grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell the word "before". He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." Then the teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny," states the teacher. "Now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny replies, "That's easy! Two plus two be fore."
Some Golfer stories from Bud A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing;the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked "Are you a good golfer', to which the man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"? He looked her right in the eye .... and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today. Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said, " I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even. The Pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par. The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money! The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap. He said: "nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" Replied the octogenarian "I do, would you please give me a hand."
THE GROANERS: Misunderstanding... A South Georgia redneck, Billy Joe, while a total idiot, was recognized as a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from everywhere, even Atlanta, begging him to paint their portrait. One day, a white, stretch limo pulled up to his house and seated in the backseat was a beautiful young woman. She told Billy Joe she would be willing to pay him anything if he could paint her in the nude. Since this was the first time anyone had made this particular request, Billy Joe didn't know how to respond. The woman saw his perplexed face and told him that money was no object, and in fact, she was willing to pay him $50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joe asked the lady to wait while he went in the house to confer with his wife. In a few minutes he returned and told the beautiful lady he was willing to do it for $50,000. However, he would have to leave his socks on because he would need some place to wipe his brushes.........
Sarah and Rachael were gossiping... Dr Bill Hamm "Do you remember that terribly pushy woman with the attitude problem who lived in the apartment above us?" asked Sarah. "Yes," replied Rachael, "What about her?" "She's marrying a doctor she met when she went in for X-rays," said Sarah. "Really," said Rachael. "I wonder what he saw in her?"
I'd say this is quick thinking. Bud had this one as a rerun. A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what areall those ladies waiting for by that corner?" The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work." The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud... They're hookers!" A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?" The mother replies, "Of course, Dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"
Eventually The Eagles Will Prevail - Hopefully Before The Red Sox or Jeff Gordon