KCNET NEWSLETTER FUN PAGE 11/02/03 This site best viewed with a computer and a monitor! (Both preferably in working order, and turned on...)
TRIVIA QUOTES CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
TRIVIA: Why do we say that a crazy person is "loco?" First, let's clear up some confusion. This is not related to the old railroad slang word, which was simply short for locomotive. If you think they're the same, you don't know one end from another. Crazy railroad people aren't loco, they have a loose caboose. But I digress. The word "loco" comes from a weed found in the Southwest. No, not THAT weed – and stop grinning. This plant, a narcotic, is actually called the locoweed and it drove cattle nuts when they ate it. It became a synonym for craziness in the West in the 1840s and came into widespread use about four decades later. Did you ever see a bull run amok? Crazy, man. Source: I HEAR AMERICA TALKING by Stuart B. Flexner
I hope they tipped Last summer six people paid a total of $66,270 for dinner at Petrus, a London restaurant. That's $10,378 per head – well, per mouth, actually. And the food was free! They just paid for five bottles of vino ultra expensivo, a few bottles of Champagne, a couple of bottles of water, a glass of juice and a pack of cigarettes. Say, what do you smoke with a bottle of Le Montrachet 1982? Source: THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
How about a little ethnic food? Haggis, Scotland's national dish is made from a sheep or calf's internal organs cooked in the animal's stomach, with added fat and oatmeal. Ok, you can have a cheeseburger instead. Source: THE JOY OF TRIVIA Didja Know...
Didja Know... The first American-based team to win the Stanley Cup was the Seattle Metropolitans, who hoisted the trophy in 1917? (Source: TSN.com)
Charlie Brown's hero, Joe Schlabotnik, was fired as manager of the Waffletown Syrups for calling a squeeze play with no one on base? (Source: QuantumStats.com)
Carole sent the next set to Bud and he .... I can believe most of them but there are a few that might just be a stretch. Regardless they are interesting and worth remembering. You never know, one might just pop up on Jeopardy. In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs" therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year! (May & October) Women always kept their hair covered while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs. The wigs couldn't be washed so to clean them, they could carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
In the late 1700s many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair.Commonly, a long wide board was folded down from the wall and used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Once in a while an invited guest, whom was almost always a man, would be offered to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. Sitting in the chair, one was called the "chair man." Today in business we use the expression/title "Chairman."
Needless to say, personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." Also, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt and therefore the expression "losing face."
Ladies wore corsets which would lace up in the front. A tightly tied lace was worn by a proper and dignified lady as in "straight laced."
Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "ace of spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."
Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what was considered important to the people. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs and bars who were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and thus, we have the term "gossip."
At local taverns, pubs and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts." Hence the term "minding your "'P's and Q's."
QUOTES: "I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman." -- Erma Bombeck
"There is no data on the future. --Laurel Cutler
"When you can't solve the problem, manage it." --Dr. Robert H. Schuller
"Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat." --Harry Emerson Fosdick
"Never in this world can hatred be stilled by hatred; it will be stilled only by non-hatred-this is the law Eternal." --Buddha
"I make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes." --Sara Teasdale
"A person can grow only as much as his horizon allows." --John Powell
"The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights." --Paul Getty
"It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded." --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
"Pity costs nothing and ain't worth nothing." --Josh Billings
"More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones." --Saint Teresa of Avila
"The essence of man is imperfection." --Norman Cousins
"What, after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean." --Christopher Fry
"The 'C' students run the world." --Harry Truman CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS It is with great remorse that I post this one. I've recieved it from many ship jumpers and post it only because of its accurracy in predicition. Darn!!!! Turncoats and Naysayers!!!!! Recent News release: Anthrax scare State College (PA) Penn State football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Joe Paterno immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the goal line. Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
Young Love: Bill Hamm to Bud Casselberry. I guess these two do not watch too much TV. Little Bobby was in love with Little Susie who lived next door. One day, Bobby went to Susie's dad and announced, "I'm in love with Susie, and we're getting married". Amused, Susie's dad started asking questions. "Where will you live?" asked Susie's dad. "Well," explained Bobby, "Susie has a playhouse in the backyard, so we're gonna live there." "How are you going to make money to support her?" asked the dad. "Well," said Bobby, "Susie gets 75 cents a week, and I get $1.25 a week. That should be more than enough!" "Well," asked Susie's dad, "what about children?" "Oh, we have that figured out already." explained Bobby. "Whenever Susie lays an egg, I'm gonna stomp on it!"
A Few Nuns Quick Thinking. Another Bill Hamm Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a basketball game (with their habits partially blocking the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, " I want to go to Montana. There are only 50 nuns living there." At that, one of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you go to hell. There aren't any nuns living there!"
Some one liners more from Bud AThey read like George Carlinisms. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.....
From Send Me A Joke Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"
OOPS!! But still a Good Price From Just For Grins When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table. Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved his life. As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services. "Just name the fee," he croaked gratefully. "Okay," replied the doctor. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?"
Bra Shopping This one from Wayne Wert A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife" What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what the types were. The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."
And finally this one from Wayne Wert I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible. I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened. She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation. "That's okay, honey," I said. "You still have me." She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
THE GROANERS: This one from Just for Grins and it is really groans. One day Glenn was working late under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting" he thought. Next day he told his buddy Scott about tasting the brake fluid. "Not bad," he said. "Think I'll have a little more today." Scott got a little concerned but didn't say anything. Next day he told about drinking a cup full of the brake fluid. "Great stuff! Think I'll have some more today." And so he did. A few days later he was up to a bottle a day, and told Scott,"This brake fluid is really great stuff." His friend was now really worried. "You know that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better stop drinking that stuff." "Hey, no problem..." Glenn defended, "I can stop any time."
Can't Win From Send Me A Joke Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this." "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day." "In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"
From Today's Joke. This is awful. During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
Speaks for itself. Walter, who is quite elderly is resting peacefully on the front porch of a nursing home in the country, when he sees a cloud of dust up the road. He watches a farmer approaching, with a wagon. "Good afternoon!" hollers out Walter. "Afternoon," says the farmer. "Where you headed?" asks Walter. "Town." "What do you have in the wagon?" Walter continued. "Manure." "Manure, eh? What do you do with it?" "I spread it over my strawberries," the farmer says matter-of-factly. "Well," says Walter, "you should come over here for lunch someday. We use whipped cream."