GARDEN TIPS: Here is some good stuff about Lawn Care From the Green Giant Lawn & Tree site Keeping your lawn watered without creating more problems How much water does a lawn need? In general, cool-season grasses need about one to 1.5 inches of water per week to maintain green color and active growth. Allow lawns to naturally slow down in growth during extreme conditions. You may let the lawn go almost completely dormant in hot weather. Many factors such as the soil and weather all have a role in the lawn's water needs. Here are a few guidelines to follow: Decide before hand. Decide before summer heat and drought conditions arrive, to either water lawns consistently as needed throughout the season, or let lawns go dormant as conditions turn warm and dry. Do not rotate back and forth. In other words, don't let the grass turn totally brown, apply enough water to green it up, then let the grass go dormant again. Breaking the lawns dormancy actually drains large amounts of food reserves from the plant. When is it time to start watering? The first few warm days of summer does not automatically mean to water lawns. In fact, allowing lawns to start to go under mild drought stress actually increases rooting. Watch for footprinting, or footprints remaining on the lawn after walking across it (instead of leaf blades bouncing back up). Grasses also tend to turn darker in color as they go under drought stress. Sampling the root zone soil could be another option. Water as infrequently as possible. Thoroughly water when you do water so moisture soaks down to the roots. Exceptions to this general rule would be for newly seeded lawns where the surface needs to stay moist, newly sodded lawns that have not yet rooted into the soil, or when summer patch disease is a problem. Otherwise, avoid frequent waterings that promote shallower root systems and weeds (e.g., crabgrass). Water early if possible. Given a choice, water early in the day when lawns are normally wet from dew. Avoid midday due to evaporation, and at night due to potential increased chances of some diseases. The exception to this guide is when you are in extremely hot weather and nighttime temperatures don't go below 68 degrees. Then it is better to water in the late afternoon or early evening, providing you don't have watering-time restrictions. Late in the day reduces the amount of evaporation that takes place during the very hot day, allowing more water to reach the root zone. Spread the water uniformly across the lawn. Sprinklers vary in distribution patterns, and require spray overlap for uniform coverage. Placing coffee cans or similar straight-sided containers on the lawn can help measure water application rates. Avoid flooding areas, or missing other spots. On heavy clay soils and slopes, watch for excessive runoff; it may be necessary to apply the water in several applications to allow for adequate penetration.
Selecting the right equipment to get that mowing job done. Kitty Laubscher got some mowing help for hubby John. A couple of weeks ago she found some old style grass managers. Actually the price was right so she got two of the more recent Grass Manager models. They are quite effective. They can reduce any weed to it's roots. They are better than the average mulcher. Another plus feature is their ability to sever the blades of grass evenly and very close to the surface while at the same time they unashamedly fertilize. She has named them Stargazer and Sweet Annie. (I think John had a car named Sweet Annie back in the forties, but then that's another story.) Sweet Annie is the white model and like Stargazer, she runs well on any fuel.
Home Lawn Disease Control Guide Patricia P. Cobb, Retired Extension Entomologist Austin K. Hagan, Extension Plant Pathologist Following good lawn maintenance practices gives you not only a better-looking lawn but also one that is healthier and more resistant to disease and insect damage. Here are the key points: * If you are establishing a lawn, choose the proper grass type for your soil, climate, sun or shade conditions, and intended use. * Mow your lawn often enough so that you don't have to remove more than one third of the grass blade length at any one mowing. Mow at the right height for your grass type. * If thatch builds up in your lawn, control it by using a dethatching rake, vertical mower, or core aerifier (available for rent in most areas). * If you water your lawn, give it a good soaking no more than once or twice a week rather than watering lightly every day or two. * Follow the right fertilizer program for your grass type and soil. Test your soil to find lime and fertilizer needs. * For more information on good lawn maintenance, call your county Extension office for Circular ANR-239, "Lawn Maintenance in Alabama." Your county Extension agent can also give you information and supplies for soil testing. Even the healthiest lawns, however, do occasionally suffer from disease and insect problems. Make frequent inspections for insect and disease damage, apply control measures promptly when they are needed, and use only recommended materials at recommended rates. Normally, it is not necessary to use chemicals as preventive treatments for either insects or diseases. Apply controls as problems appear and not routinely or on a schedule. Occasionally, however, a disease such as dollar spot may develop year after year on the same lawn. In such a situation, preventive fungicide applications made before the disease appears may be called for. PESTICIDE FORMULATIONS: Pesticides are available in many different forms. They are marketed as dusts, emulsifiabe concentrates, baits, granules, and wettable powders. For most effective results, pesticides must be used correctly and in proper proportions. DUSTS are made by thoroughly blending a diluting agent (powders) or filler such as certain types of clays with an insecticide or fungicide. You can buy them ready for use. WETTABLE POWDERS are prepared by mixing the toxicant with a carrier such as clay. GRANULE particles are larger in size that those of dusts. They have about the same consistency as sugar. They are used for control of soil-inhabiting insects. Granules, being larger in size than dusts, will not stick to dry vegetation. Like dusts, they are purchased ready for use. BAITS are insecticides formulated to be attractive as food for insect pests. Do not water after you apply a bait. EMULSIFIABLE CONCENTRATES have technical grade pesticide in a solvent like xylene and an emulsifier. They must be mixed with water to form the finished spray. PRECAUTIONS: Pesticides may be hazardous to some degree and should be handled with care and caution. Remember to read the manufacturer's label for precautions listed. APPLICATION: Improper application of chemicals can result in poor pest control and may be illegal. When applying a pesticide be sure to : * Apply material at the recommended time. * Apply chemical evenly over lawn. Too much or not enough material in any one area may injure the grass or give poor control. * Use enough water with liquid and wettable powder formulations * Water after application of granules and sprays if label requires. Pretreatment watering may also be necessary if drought conditions exist. Baits should not be watered.
MOWING TECHNIQUES Better Mowing for a Better Lawn Also From the Green Giant Lawn & Tree site All grass varieties should be mowed at or near their optimal mowing height. This will keep grass healthy and dense (highest number of shoots per unit area). Higher density means more soil surface shading, which severely restricts the germination of many annual grassy and broadleaf weeds. Maintaining a dense and healthy lawn is the best weed control. MOWING TIPS * Don't cut your grass too short, particular for our cool season grasses. Higher heights usually provide for a deeper root system, looks better, and is less likely to have weeds invading, particular crabgrass. * Don't remove any more than one third of the grass leaf at any one cutting. If circumstances arise that a lawn gets too tall and you just have to lop off a bunch to get caught up, bight the bullet and break it down into several mowings to get caught up with 3 or so days between cuttings. * Try to avoid mowing when the grass is wet. * When cutting only a third with each cutting, you can safely leave the clippings that will quickly decompose and add nutrients back into the soil. Contrary to popular opinion, grass clippings do not add to thatch buildup. Grass blades are made up of about 75% water. * Mow your lawn in a different direction with each mowing. Altering the direction ensures a more even cut since grass blades will grow more erect and less likely to develop into a set pattern. * Keep your mower's blade sharp, which means having it sharpened several times during the mowing season. A good idea is to keep several blades around so you'll always have a sharp one on hand. * Don't forget to change your mower's oil at least once during the mowing season. * If you didn't drain your gas tank in the fall, or use a fuel stabilizer, don't use that old gas, it can cause a number of problems. Better to use fresh gasoline to begin the new mowing season.
OUR VEGETABLES' ANCESTORS WERE ALSO FOREIGNERS North Americans and most of the vegetables they eat have one thing in common -- most of their ancestors were foreigners. Even the name by which vegetables are identified on the market -- truck crops -- is foreign, and has nothing to do with transportation. Only nine of the nearly 50 vegetables which have become common to the American table are natives of the Americas, and they (corn, white potato, sweet potato, lima bean, common bean, tomato, squash, summer squash and pepper) all originated in Central and the northern parts of South America. Those requiring colder climates, like the white potato, originated in the Andes mountains, while the sweet potato developed in the hot, moist climate of sea level. The list of vegetables that North Americans have adopted is long -- numbering at least 38, but their everyday names conceal the far away places of their origin; the egg plant and cucumber come from India; spinach and muskmelons from Persia; watermelon from Africa, which also sent okra; radishes and Chinese cabbage from China; asparagus, kale and collards from the lands of the Mediterranean, which also sent us cabbage; garden peas from Asia; and kohlrabi and Brussels sprouts from Northern Europe. Other "foreigners" now in our diets are broccoli, cauliflower, artichoke, beet, rhubarb, parsnip, salsify, celery, parsley, leek, Swiss chard, turnip, rutabaga, cowpeas, Indian mustard, Chinese mustard, lettuce, carrot, onion, garlic and chive. 'Truck Crops" is the commonly heard expression to cover all vegetables, but it has no connection with the fact that a good many of them are hauled to market on trucks. An old meaning of the word "truck", derived from the French word troquer, is "to barter or exchange". The word developed a special meaning as a synonym for vegetables in general because of the practice of bartering or dealing in small lots of them in the marketplace. The growing, marketing and consumption of vegetables in the United States today has come a long way since small lots were bartered. The field-to-table story of today's vegetables is a story of big business, and it is sometimes because of the needs of commerce that a fruit is a vegetable, or a vegetable is treated as a fruit. The tomato is an example. Botanically speaking, the tomato is a fruit, but legally speaking it is a vegetable. The Supreme Court of the United States said so in 1893. An importer had argued that tomatoes were fruit and therefore not subject to a duty in effect at that time. The Court held that the tomato is a vegetable because it was usually served at dinner in, with, or after the soup, or with fish or meats that constitute the main part of the meal. This is less true now than it was then, for today a much larger part of our tomato crop is made into juice, but the tomato remains, legally, a vegetable. Botanically speaking, the snap or green beans, the pod of peas, the garden pepper, the okra pod, and many others, are also fruits. But no one doubts that they are vegetables. The cucumber and muskmelon are closely related fruits. Both are the genus Cucumis. They are similar in habits of growth and in structure, both are grown by truck farmers by similar methods, move through the same channels of trade and both are eaten raw. Yet we always think of cucumbers as vegetables and of muskmelons as fruit. It is custom which seems to dictate which plants are treated as vegetables and which as fruit but, generally speaking, vegetables are classified as those annual plants of which the immature succulent roots, bulbs, stems, blossoms, leaves, seeds, or fruits are eaten, and those perennial non-woody plants of which the roots, stems, leaf stalks or leaves are eaten.
Green Gifts from the Mediterranean 0ur common garden asparagus (Asparagus officinalis) is only one of several species of asparagus that are edible, but it is by far the most important. Our name for it is the Latinized form of the old Greek word, and its name in most other modern languages is easily recognized as of the same origin: asperge (French), Spargel (German), asperge (Dutch), espárrago (Spanish). English and American colloquialisms are sparagrass, sparrowgrass, and, among larger growers of the crop, just "grass." Asparagus Once Considered a Cure-all Asparagus is believed native to the eastern Mediterranean lands and Asia Minor. It commonly grows wild over much of that country today and also in the trans-Caucasus, Europe, and even in many places in the United States where it has escaped from cultivation. It thrives along riverbanks, shores of lakes, and even close to the salty waters of seacoasts, tolerating considerable salt in the soil in which it grows. It has been found "wild" in so many places that there has been much argument as to where it actually originated. Before asparagus was used for food, it had quite a reputation as a medicine for almost anything from the prevention of bee stings to heart trouble, dropsy, and toothache! The Greeks apparently collected asparagus only from the wild, since they gave no directions for cultivating it. The Romans, however, as early as 200 B.C. gave detailed gardening instructions that would be considered good today, except for one thing-they preferred the seed of wild plants for planting. Three hundred years later, such progress in development had been made that the cultivated forms were consistently as good as the best wild plants. In Roman times asparagus was not only eaten "in season" but was dried for later use. It was simply and quickly prepared by boiling the dried shoots. The Emperor Augustus is supposed to have been very fond of it and to have originated a saying, "Quicker than you can cook asparagus." North Europeans and Britons have been eating asparagus for as long as there are any records about them. Its introduction into the Americas and other lands made no ripple worth noting at the time, but because of its old popularity it was presumably taken to those lands by early voyagers. It is now a universally popular vegetable. Asparagus is unusual, among our garden plants, in its flowering habit. While nearly all of our vegetables bear both stamens and pistils (containing pollen cells and egg cells, respectively) on the same plant or in the same flower, asparagus has two kinds of plants. About half bear only staminate flowers; the others bear only pistillate flowers from which the little red seed-bearing fruits develop. Both kinds must be grown near each other if seeds are to be obtained. The pistillate plants produce larger and better shoots than the staminate plants, but not quite so many of them. Asparagus is a perennial plant which, under the best conditions, will remain productive up to 30 to 35 years and will live much longer. Formerly it was grown almost entirely with the soil ridged up high over the roots at harvest time so that the shoots would develop in the dark and be white, as harvested. Now, however, we have learned to prefer green shoots which develop in the light, so that ridging is no longer so common.
As American as Apple Pie Sweet corn (Zea mays variety saccharata) is a sugary-seeded kind of maize, as the "saccharin" part of its scientific name indicates. The old four-letter Anglo-Saxon word "corn" means grain of any kind, and except in the United States it does not refer specifically to Indian corn, Zea mays. The American Indian word "maize," however, is understood the world around, and even Americans are again learning to use it. Maize apparently went through its first great period of development in the Andes, probably in southern Peru, where primitive, but not wild, forms are still grown by the Indians. No one has ever succeeded in finding wild maize or the wild parent from which maize first came. Far back in prehistoric times, it is believed, somewhere in the lowlands to the east of the Andes, the unknown parent of maize gave rise to a new and distinct parent form through mutation, producing a kind of maize in which each kernel was completely enclosed in husks. That was so long ago that the Indians now have no name for it and it has never been found, though representations of it appear on ancient Peruvian pottery. This so-called pod corn later mutated to a form without husks around each seed. Marriage of Two Grasses While this maize was first developing into an important food crop in the Andean region, there probably was no maize in Central or North America. There was, however, growing wild in those areas a rather distinct relative of maize, now called Tripsacum, that may have arisen from the same member of the grass family that maize came from. When the Indians from the Andes carried some of their primitive maize to Central America, it somehow became hybridized with this kindred plant, Tripsacum. This new hybrid persisted as a distinct kind of plant and has been named "teosinte." Teosinte, a hybrid of which maize is one parent, became crossed with maize, and the descendants of this cross ultimately gave rise to several kinds of corn never known in the Andean region: pointed popcorn, dent corn (our commonest kind), flour corn, and flint corn. Thus the Central and North American forms of maize most likely developed; they are different to this day from the forms grown in Peru. After the new type arose, presumably in what is now Guatemala, it was carried up into the present southwestern United States and thence north and east over the whole territory where maize is now grown in North America. Before the white man reached America, most Indian tribes commonly grew maize of one kind or another except sweet corn. The sugary character in maize doubtless occurred innumerable times as a mutation, but many Indian tribes either disliked it and threw it away or had trouble in perpetuating it. It is harder to produce and preserve the seed of sweet corn than that of other forms. A few tribes, among them the Hidatsa, Mandan, Omaha, Pawnee, Ponca, and Iroquois, have been known to grow sweet corn in North America, and apparently it was known in Peru in prehistoric as well as modern times. Yet it never became important even in North America until after the arrival of the white man. The first published mention of sweet corn was in 1801, although later articles referred to it as having been obtained in 1779 from a tribe of Indians along the Susquehanna River. There was little interest in sweet corn until about a hundred years ago, when seedsmen in the eastern United States first began to list one or two varieties. By the time of the Civil War a few more varieties had appeared, and from then onward its popularity in America has steadily increased. Now there is a wide range of kinds of sweet corn, from little four-inch ears growing on plants only two-and-a-half feet high up to seven- or eight-inch ears on plants as tall as eight feet; white, yellow, purple kernels; white cobs, red cobs; ears with 8, 10, 12, or more rows of kernels-or with kernels not in rows at all. Among the best-known ordinary varieties are Golden Bantam, Country Gentleman, and Stowell's Evergreen.
Most Sweet Corn Now Is Hybrid Type Our modern hybrid sweet corns, such as Golden Cross Bantam, Ioana, Marcross, and scores of others, were developed by painstaking effort. The basic discoveries concerning hybrid vigor were made more than 50 years ago, but it took numerous scientists and corn breeders some 20 years to put hybrid corn production on a profitable, practical basis. Each lot of hybrid seed from which gardeners and farmers buy their seed to plant is the result of a controlled cross between two especially developed parents. Most of the seed sweet corn planted now is of the hybrid type. Ninety-eight percent of the sweet corn grown for canning in the United States is hybrid.
QUOTES: "Marriages are made in heaven. But, again, so are thunder, lightning, tornados and hail." -- Mae West
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill
"Wherever there is authority, there is a natural inclination to disobedience." --Thomas Haliburton
"Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours." --Doug Larson
"The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." --Eden Phillpotts
"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee." --Marian Wright Edelman
"When it's all over, it's not who you were. . . it's whether you made a difference." --Bob Dole
"Sometimes just a smile on our face can help to make this world a better place." --Robert Alan
"One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else." --Eleanor Roosevelt
CHUCKLES AND BELLY LAUGHS: Remember techi's love to say, "I'm sure it's a PICNIC, I'll be right over to look at your computer." (That means Problem In Chair Not In Computer!)
Rookies! From Joke of the Day A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" Pretty good," chuckled the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop."
Could have been a Mother's Day gifts. Send me a Joke had this one. Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
Gas Makes Her Go Another Joke of the Day Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched as they checked her meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a footrace down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came tearing up to the truck, they realized the lady of that end house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped immediately and asked her what was wrong. "When I saw two gasmen running as hard as you were," gasped the woman, "I figured I'd better run too!"
A little girl's School trek A cute one from Betty T. She sent this one to Bud Casselberry Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child. Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, would cut through the sky. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. Another and another were to follow quickly and with each the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother's car drew up beside the child she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?" The child answered, " I am trying to look pretty. God keeps taking my picture."
Painful Experience. From Just for Grins Glenn and Scott are bungee-jumping one day when Glenn has a brainstorm, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." Scott agrees that it would be a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When everything is ready Glenn gives it a test jump. When he bounces at the end of the cord and comes back up, Scott notices that Glenn has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the Scott isn't able catch him, so Glenn falls again, bounces, and then comes back up. This time, Glenn is bruised and bleeding. Again, Scott misses him. Glenn goes down again and this time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. On the next attempt, Scott finally catches him and pulls him in. "What happened?" he asks. "Was the cord too long?" Glenn cathes his breath and replies, "No, the cord was fine, but tell me... what the heck is a piñata?"
Learning baseball. Just for Grins One time a friend and I were walking through the park and noticed a little league game so we went over and got to hear the following exchange: A little boy, maybe 6 years-old, said to his coach, "I don't want to be in the outfield, please don't put me in the outfield, anywhere but the outfield, pleeeeaase!" The coach replied, "You can play center field." The little boy started jumping and dancing around for a long time yelling repeatedly, "Center field, yes! The center field, wow! Guess what everyone, I get to play in the center field!" Then he suddenly just stopped and turned to the coach and asked, "Hey Coach, where is the center field?" "It's in the outfield," the coach informed him. The little boy just said a long, "Ohhhh nooooo!" and sadly walked to the outfield." I have a brother who responded to the coach, "I want to play batter" when asked about his playing position preference. I just stood there and rolled my eyes upward hoping no one knew that we were kin. Actually he did better as batter than he did in the outfield. (MLF)
Surprise. From Bud and Good Clean Fun Minor Infraction Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me but they can't take away my birthday." As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday." The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- it was July 23.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you I'll not consent Until I know which way you went
Another room... We couldn't have a week of chuckles without a good one from Bill Hamm. The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
THE GROANERS: David Glossner gets the credit for this groaner. Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they finally stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The blonde girl leaned over the counter and mouthed "Burrrrr Gerrrrrr Kiinng"
If you want to set your computer password to '******' how do you prevent it from being shown when you type it in?
Just for Grins printer this one. Derek was walking through the woods when he came to a river. He walked long the bank for a while looking for a way to get across. After a while he spotted someone else on the opposite bank, so he called out,"How do I get to the other side?" The other person yelled back, "You ARE on the other side!"
Bee in band class...Oh yes we have a couple of groaners from Bill Hamm too. The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its demise. "Is it a bee?" another student asked. "Nope," Tommy replied. "It's Bee flat."
New household cleaner. . .Bill Did you hear about the new household cleaner just put on the market? It's called "Bachelor."Why? Because it works fast, and leaves no ring.
The Red Head. Bud sent this one. A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken
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