TRIVIA QUOTES THIS WEEK'S CUTIES
TRIVIA: If yellow is the easiest color to see, why are stop signs red? Well there's a possible psychological explanation. Car-bound cowboys might see a yellow stop sign as a challenge to their manhood. If you give in to the traffic rules you don't have the guts to risk instant death. Stop and you're as yellow as the sign. Actually that's not too far off. Psychology is what the color of the sign is all about. Red causes excitement, heightened awareness, and possibly even suggests sex to some people. In other words, drivers are likely to notice it and pay attention. Then there's the aversion factor: red also conjures up blood. Do you really want your face and body rearranged to resemble an abstract expressionist painting? You can apply the brakes, or suffer the breaks.
What is there about light beer that makes it "light?" Often on a Sunday, when I was young, after a big noontime meal, my father would get moderately hungry in the early evening and would ask my mother to make him "something light." "How about feathers?" she would respond. I wouldn't want to bench-press a couple of cases of light, any more than regular, beer. The only beer-hoisting I like is accomplished with the bent elbow, a glass or bottle at a time. But the content, not the weight, is the issue. Simply put: Light - or "lite" -- beer has fewer calories and is less filling than the straight kind because it has less alcohol. Problem: If you need a little light-headedness after a heavy day, one light beer won't do. You need at least two. In fact it's so easy to drink light beer - you need more to lighten up -- that you may unwittingly turn out your lights.
What does your dentist do when he or she does a root canal? You mean aside from inflicting mental and physical anguish? Do you really think there's a purpose beyond the good doctor's expression of deep, dark sadistic impulses? Sorry, I had a root canal recently. I'll calm down and tell you what I know. Root canals differ from filled cavities in how far down they go. If your tooth is infected right through to its insides, or if it's damaged, the only way to save it is to "fill" it down to the bottom. The dentist has to drill through the enamel, and through the dentin - living tissue - below it, into the crown's pulp chamber where the nerve is located. He then removes the nerve and completely fills the chamber or "canal," to the root. Heck, I lose my nerve EVERY time I go to the dentist! HOW DO THEY DO THAT? By Caroline Sutton
Siggie Sigmund Freud is associated with many important ideas, the existence and primacy of the subconscious being the most significant. But you knew that, right? If you did, you're wrong. Freud had nothing to do with anything called the "subconscious." He called it the "unconscious" and specifically rejected the very notion of a subconsciousness. So what's the difference between the two? I dunno. I guess the unconscious is about how you think you're thinking about one thing when you're really thinking about thinking about something else, I think. And the subconscious is about periscopes and torpedoes. DICTIONARY OF MISINFORMATION
What bird grows to a height of 8 feet and can weigh in at 350 pounds? Who said a parakeet on steroids? It's the ostrich, of course. In addition to coming in the large, economy size, ostriches are hearty enough to tolerate temperatures down to about 20 below zero Fahrenheit and they can live to about age 50, even in the wild. Despite their size, captive birds can thrive on about $75 worth of food a year. You say you think they do what? Shhh. At their size they're big enough to bury YOUR head in the sand. Their brains are small, but not small enough that they would do what people mistakenly think they do. (Source: THE NEW YORK TIMES)
So they're about to swear in a new U.S. president. (Not this year.) With the inauguration held outdoors in January, no wonder they curse a little when the icy moment arrives. The new president used to take office on March 4. But in 1932, the occupant of the White House, Herbert Hoover, helpless to stop the nation's slide into Depression, was thoroughly repudiated at the polls. Then, with the country falling apart, Hoover remained in command for another four months while things drifted. That's what spurred a change in the changeover date to the current January 20. Poor Hoover. Things were so bad they were calling encampments of the homeless, "Hoovervilles." By the time March 4 arrived, he wasn't a lame duck; he was a dead duck! THE BOOK OF DAYS
DID YOU KNOW... For the 2000 Super Bowl, about a third of the TV commercial spots were purchased by dot-com companies. The following year, the numbers dropped to just 10 percent bought by 'Net companies.
Three hundred and fourteen acres of trees are used to make the newsprint for the average Sunday edition of the New York Times. There are nearly 63,000 trees in the 314 acres.
Changes to the appearance of the White House in Washington D.C., have occurred over the years. For instance, President William Taft converted the White House stables into a garage for four cars in 1909. President Dwight D. Eisenhower, an avid golfer, had a putting green installed on the White House lawn. He also banished squirrels from the grounds because they were ruining the green. President Richard Nixon disliked the press, so it was odd that he ordered the filling in of the White House's swimming pool, thus giving reporters more room when covering White House events. Soon after Nixon resigned in disgrace in 1974, the new President, Gerald Ford, had another pool dug on the White House lawn.
Snails sleep a lot. In addition to several months of winter hibernation, they crawl into their shells to get out of the hot sun, which dries them, or heavy rain, which waterlogs them. Desert snails may even doze for three or four years.
The sport with the largest expenses (medical, legal, and others) due to injuries treated in U.S. emergency rooms in 1995 was bicycling, with costs exceeding $4 billion. More than half a million bicycling injuries were documented. A huge percentage of those injuries were head injuries, which could have been prevented had riders worn protective helmets.
The purpose of the indentation at the bottom of a wine bottle is to strengthen the structure of the bottle and to trap the sediments in the wine.
QUOTES: "My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping." --Rita Rudner
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people" --Dan Quayle
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." --Woody Allen
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." --Albert Einstein
"It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things." --Elinor Smith
"Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes." --Washington Irving
"Showing people that you sincerely care about them can often be as easy as listening to them." --Brian Koslow
"Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work." --Mark Twain
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." --Charles Lamb.
CUTIES: Maybe this one should have been with viruses and hoaxes. If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto-dial to call only 900 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?? It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until some one loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Badtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98/2000/ME/XP/NT environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, It will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. ******WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN ******* If you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. I hope you realize this is just a chuckle! (MLF)
THE LAST RITES & THE LITTLE JEWISH MAN This one borders a Groaner. Thanks to Linda Frye A man is struck by a bus on a busy street. He is lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers. "A preacher. Somebody get me a preacher!" the man gasps. Minutes drag on and no one steps out of the crowd. A policeman checks the crowd and finally yells, "A PREACHER, PLEASE! Isn't there a preacher in this crowd to give this man his last rites?" Finally, out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least 80 years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a preacher. I'm not even a Christian. But for 50 years now I'm living behind the Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor man." The policeman agrees, and clears the crowd so the man can get through to where the injured man lay. The old Jewish man kneels down, leans over the prostrate man and says in a solemn voice: "B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72...
Kinda Blooper like. From Just for Grins Here are the finalists for the Chevy Nova Award, named in Honor of the GM's fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. "No va" in Spanish means, "it doesn't go" 1. The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention that the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?" 2. Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea". 3. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I Saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa). 4. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant!" 5. When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.
Here is another Linda Frye One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
Bud Casselberry forwarded this one. One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging laundry when a tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. However, when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out. The next day, the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman finally pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day, he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have six children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep."
While we are in the virus department. From Just for Grins. Just got this in from a reliable source It seems that there is a virus out there called the "Senile Virus" that even the most advanced programs from Norton cannot take care of, so be warned, it appears to affect anyone born before 1958! Symptoms of Senile Virus 1. Causes you to send same e-mail twice. 2. Causes you to send blank e-mail. 3. Causes you to send to wrong person. 4. Causes you to send back to person who sent it to you. 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. 6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the.........
The wonders of old age....Jon Ahrens forwarded this one. An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they 'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back." She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" She says, "No." The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..." The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here."
He Sounds Logical Bud Casselberry sent this one A psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society. "So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?" The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately." Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities." The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot."
Just Words From Send Me a Joke. A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me?"
Knowing Where To Put It! Joke of the Day There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his services. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded: One chalk mark . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1 Knowing where to put it . . . . . . . $49,999
THE GROANERS: Jim sent this one to Bud. I went to the movies the other day. There was an old man in the front row who had his dog with him. It was a sad, funny kind of movie, you know the type. In the sad parts, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny parts, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the movie. After the movie had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. It's remarkable!" "Yeah, it is," said the man. "He hated the book."
Blonde Riding Shotgun Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "do ya see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Darn!" cursed the brunette. "Are his flashers on? The blonde turned around again. "Yup... nope... yup...nope... yup...."
Who's The Laziest? A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up." Nine hands went up. "Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man. "Too much trouble," came the reply.
Pretty lame. "I've got a brother with three feet," commented one young man. "What do you mean?" asked his friend. "Well, my mother received a letter from him yesterday and he wrote, 'You would hardly know me - I've grown three feet!'"