TRIVIA QUOTES THIS WEEK'S CUTIES
TRIVIA: Just what is a krill? Sounds like something from a science-fiction film, doesn't it? In fact, one could imagine some good movie titles using the word, such as The Krill of It All and A View to a Krill. The reality is more prosaic. This is a shrimp-like marine animal, a planktonic crustacean, of which there are 85 species. Some are as small as one-quarter inch, although they often swarm near the ocean surface in huge numbers. They tend to be bright red and when they appear in bunches, sailors call the waters around them tomato soup. Ironically, this itty-bitty thing constitutes the main part of the diet of the world's biggest animal, the blue whale. As much as four tons of these little critters have been found in the stomach of one of the behemoths - but without the toast that the whale must have smeared them on.
Why do we have earlobes? Do yours hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot; can you tie them in a bow? Can you wiggle them, jiggle them and make people giggle with 'em? Or do you just hang earrings from them, as one dangles a hanger from the rod in a closet? Earlobes are pieces of fatty tissue, hanging like pendants from the outer ear. It's hard to imagine any function for them other than as an aid to accessorizing your head. But scientists keep trying to come up with what might have been the original purpose for this now vestigial structure. Maybe when we walked on all fours our earlobes were larger and kept dust and dirt from our ear canals. One anthropologist even theorizes that they were used for sexual attraction. Hey, baby, how about a little lobe? That's so earotic. DO PENGUINS HAVE KNEES? By David Feldman
Just how drastically can the weather change in half a day? They say that everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it. I do something. On a bitter cold day I call in sick, pull the covers back over my head, and make the world go away. But even I might have been caught flat-footed in Fairfield, Montana on Christmas Eve, 1924. At noon it was 63 degrees Fahrenheit, a balmy afternoon to get in that last minute shopping. Well, I hope any shopper who was going to be out that evening spreading good cheer picked up a pair of yak fur-lined mittens for themselves because by midnight the mercury had plummeted to 21 degrees below zero. That's a drop of 84 degrees in 12 hours! Santa Claus didn't check the forecast that Christmas, reindeered into town at night wearing Bermuda shorts, and had to be treated for frostbite at the local hospital. THE BOOK OF ANSWERS by Barbara Berliner
What's the origin of the hand signals used in baseball today? Wayne Wert forwarded this one. In the early 1900s, the New York giants baseball team had a pitcher named Luther H. Taylor. He was a deaf mute who was, in an era of insensitivity, nicknamed "Dummy." Taylor lost a lot of games due to his inability to communicate with his teammates. John McGraw, the manager of the Giants, was under enormous pressure from the team's owner, the fans and the sportswriters to trade Taylor. Instead, McGraw required the entire Giant team to learn American Sign Language. Once that was accomplished, McGraw used hand signals to lead his team. That's the origin of the hand signals that are used in baseball today. source used: Dear Abby Column,
Go ask your mother Three decades ago, storks were becoming so scarce in Holland that a breeding society had to begin a program to keep them from dying out. The society did their job well, and finally the storks got the point, taking over and letting nature run its course. By the way, what do storks tell their kids when they ask where baby storks come from? Source: www.nytimes.com
Gluteus maximus is a muscle you sit on, not a Roman general. Is there also a gluteus minimus? Yes, two muscle layers below the gluteus maximus. Now we're getting to the bottom of it. In 1983 a temperature of ?129 degrees Fahrenheit was recorded at Vostok, Antarctica. The guy who went out to read the thermometer froze his gluteus maximus off. THE BOOK OF ANSWERS
According to the Wall Street Journal, there is one type of job that's in a sellers market even during the current recession: rock n roll drummer. There aren't enough of them to go around. Yet between 1996 and 2000, sales of drum sets doubled to 172,970. Someone has clearly missed a beat somewhere. THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
QUOTES: "When I was born I was so surprised, I couldn't talk for a year and a half. --Gracie Allen
"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut." --Albert Einstein
"Life is a promise; fulfill it." --Mother Theresa
"Experience is not always the kindest of teachers, but it is surely the best." --Spanish Proverb
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. --Mark Twain
"Information's pretty thin stuff unless mixed with experience." --Clarence Day
"Don't let your ego get too close to your position, so that if your position gets shot down, your ego doesn't go with it." --Colin Powell
It isn't the incompetent who destroys an organization. The incompetent never gets in a position to destroy it. It is those who have achieved something and want to rest upon their achievements who are forever clogging things up. --F. M. Young
"Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you." --Marsha Norman
"It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dreams of yesterday are the hopes of today, and the realities of tomorrow." --Anon.
CUTIES: SIGNS YOU'VE CHOSEN A "NO FRILLS" AIRLINE Joke of the Day They don't sell tickets, they sell chances. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change. Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once." No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
A Negligee For His Wife From Joke of the Day Upon getting to work one morning, seventy-five year old Marvin was that it his wife's birthday today. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her. Unfortunately, he realizes that life has been good and she has everything she needs. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young. Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife. Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom. Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she has never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked. She calls out, "Marvin, come out to the hallway and look!" Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, "$59 and they didn't even iron it."
Absent-minded, maybe, but not a fool. Wayne Wert sent this one. The rules at a particular university were such that if the professor were not present in the classroom by 15 minutes past the hour, the class was considered a "walk" and the students were free to leave - with no penalties for missing a class. The rooms were equipped with the type wall clocks that "jumped" ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. As it were, these clocks were also not of the most sophisticated construction. Some enterprising student discovered that if one were to hit the clock with chalkboard erasers, it would cause the clock to "jump" ahead 1 minute. It became almost daily practice for these students to take target practice at the clock (as it would have it, this particular professor was not the most punctual, and the students considered him severely "absent-minded"). A few well aimed erasers, and lo, 15 minutes were passed, and class dismissed itself. Well, when the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor strolled into the room, passed out the exams, and told them "You have 1 hour to complete". The professor then proceeded to collect the erasers from around the room, gleefully taking aim at the clock. When he had successfully "jumped" the clock forward 1 hour, he closed the class and collected the exam papers.
Ask the Questions Later!! From Bud Casselberry A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
Story out of School From joke of the Day One day during cooking class, our teacher, Mrs. Pritchard, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons." As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Pritchard to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?" I asked. "Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to all your metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'll go nuts!"
Cute one from Bud Casselberry When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian Reservation in Arizona.One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding goats and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the Moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the Moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the Elder's message to the Moon. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the Moon message said ...... "Watch out for these idiots, they have come to steal your land."
THE GROANERS: Last Laugh From Just for Grins In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous-haired model. She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair. Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission Impossible."
More Just for Grins A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. "The evening was a disaster," he moaned. "Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother. "Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook."
NO CABBAGE FOR YOU Bud sent this along. Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead!"
It must be Just for Grins Week! Two guys are talking about baseball. The older guy mentions Lou Gehrig, of whom the younger guy has never heard. The older guy says, "You know. He's the guy who died of Lou Gehrig's disease." The younger guy says, "Wow, what are the chances of that?"
It Finally Happened Friday Night!
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