| Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in
the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions
that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't
running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I
know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to
the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these
computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then
drink beer.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold,
I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed
and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon
to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot
be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know,
these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me
to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances
stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and
has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television
remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive
by holding a calculator).
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're
all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why
would you listen to a complete stranger. I mean, how the heck could he
know where we're going?
Because I'm a man, there is no need to
ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football.
I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit
your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her
for Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick
up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to
ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of
it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're
wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without--- it looks
fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after
all, the year 2003, I will share equally in the housework. You just do
the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and
the dishes, and I'll do the rest. |