Nostalgia:
Did you ever wonder what catchy sayings your kids tell their kids that you used to say over and over to them.  You know the phrases that would express your distaste for some behaviors of the younger  "now/their" generation.  Sometimes I think about the sayings my mom and dad would use for emphasis.  They claimed they got them from their parents but I always thought my grandmas and grandpas were too "cool" to even think those things let along utter them.  I know that is what my grandkids  think.
Every once in awhile, when the family is together including mom, we will talk about those sayings and get many chuckles.  Now,  you know I'm going to list some. I'm sure you will have some good ones to tell.  Please send them to me and I'll compile the "safe" ones and share them.
To ward defiance- I may be shorter than you but I'm still your mother.
In despair- What's a mother to do?
In despair 2- I've tried and tried and tried to no avail.
Desperation- What did I do to deserve this?
Total desparation- When you grow up I hope you have children just like you.
In my defense to a neighbor kid's mom- I know him and Mike would never do such a thing. (That scene usually turned out bad for me somehow)
Threat- I'll lick ya till you slobber like a pup and then I'll lick ya for slobberin..
The extreme threat- I'm going to slap you so hard that you'll have to unbutton your shirt to brush your teeth.
The ultimate threat- God sees everything you do and he tells me.  You can't hide from God.
Health- No swimming during dog days-you'll get polio. So I'll know if you do it.
Health2- Don't switch hats at school you'll get bugs. So I'll know if you do.
Embarrassment- Always wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.
Frustration- Wait till your dad gets home.
Health lesson- Eat the spinach!  It'll put hair on your chest.
Smoking- Smoking stunts your growth.
Frustration/Desperation- Times is changed
Lesson in life- I'm telling you this for your own good.
Desperation- Don't do as I do,  do as I say.
Guilty- This hurts me more than it hurts you. (I never trully understood that one)

THIS WEEK'S SCHEDULE:
Tuesday 1/18/00 @9:00 AM
Tuesday Newbies (fifth session of six sessions)
A new group for Tuesday Newbies will begin in two weeks. This is a very basic course in computer techniques for the
internet.  It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers.
Mike will instruct this class.

Wednesday 1/19/00 @9:00 AM
Wednesday group of Senior Net Learners:
Please suggest topics for future sessions.  New participants are welcome anytime.
Basic computer knowledge and skills are necessary.

Wednesday 1/19/00 @ 1:00 PM
Wednesday Newbies (second session of six sessions)
New participants may start this week.  This is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet.  It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers.
Bianca Barbaro is the instructor.

Thursday 1/20/00 @ 9:00 AM
Thursday group of Senior Net Learners:
We did not finish with saving and loading graphics, signature files for email, and making groups and saving them in the adddress book. . Please suggest topics for future sessions.  New participants are welcome anytime.
Basic computer knowledge and skills are necessary.

INTERESTING SITES:(A Hodge Podge pile to say the least)
This one is from Bert Rice.  If you have been looking for a special site you should be able to find it in this list.  The page design is interesting too.
http://www.primenet.com/~damiller/dam.htm#Hobbies

Here are the best 100 sites from Yahoo. This is another one of those Blasted Best 100 for Y2K Lists.
http://www.zdnet.com/yil/content/mag/0001/100best.html

This is a site we had fun with in the Senior Net Leaners sessions. I thought we would share it with the non attendee Newsletter readers so that they can see what they are missing.  The Dialectizer is a web tool that may be used to view text or other web pages translated into any of several comic dialects.  An end user may enter text or a URL into The Dialectizer, and a "dialectized" version of the text or specified web page will be returned.
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

This is another mapping site similar to Mapquest.  It works fast and neat. Pick your warmer destination, gas up Lizzie, and pedal to the metal.
http://www.mapblast.com/mblast/index.mb

FRISKY PET-- Not a new spin-off magazine line from Penthouse, but a catchall Q&A site for anyone who owns either of the top two pets: cats and dogs. Just because cats and dogs are domesticated doesn't mean they're not quirky, often nonsensical beasts. This site, sponsored by such companies as Alpo, Friskies, and others, answers dozens of "Why does my dog/cat..." questions and offers nutrition tips, pet care resources (both online and off), and an opportunity to ask a pet expert questions such as why Fido continues to tear up the magazines you lay on the coffee table.
http://www.friskypet.com

DIDJA  KNOW?:
How are bonsai grown?
Yes, "carefully" is an acceptable answer. You don't just plant miniature tree seeds and think small. Nor do you expose
them to radiation--the reduction method you may have seen in the classic science fiction film, "The Incredible Shrinking
Man."
So what's the trick? Did your mother ever warn you not do certain things, such as smoking, because it might "stunt" your growth? Well, bonsai are trees whose growth are carefully and methodically stunted. They are placed in small pots and trimmed every day.  And that's the least of it. The cultivator actually places restricting rings around the branches or, in the case of pine, binds them with iron wire. The result is a tree that's no more than 20 inches high. They're aesthetically pleasing--and functional for shade if you're a leprechaun.
(Source: THE BIG BOOK OF KNOWLEDGE)

Hippos are completely hairless except for some patches on the nose, ears, and tail... this is scary.   I'm rapidly developing those features.
An ostrich egg is so large it would take 40 minutes to hard boil it, but it would be much easier to find at the Easter Egg Hunt.
(Source: ZOO BOOKS)

QUOTES:

Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
     -- Mike Murdock

The cobra will bite you whether you call it cobra or Mr. Cobra.
     -- Indian Proverb

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man."
     -- Mark Twain

THIS WEEK'S CUTIES:
Birds and the Bees: Thanks to Bud Casselberry
Morris asks his son, now aged 10, if he knows about the birds and the bees.  "I don't want to know!"  the child said, bursting
into tears.  Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa'  speech.  At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech.
Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech!  If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"

HOW YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS: Thanks to Pat Weaver via Kitty Laubscher

10.  You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
9.  Your firstborn is named dotcom.
8.  You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
7.  You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop in your lap ...and your child in the overhead compartment.
6.  You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
5.  You find yourself typing "com" after every period.com
4.  You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
3.  You move into a new home and decide to netscape before you landscape.
2.  You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
DRUM ROLL PLEASE...
AND THE NO. 1 SIGN THAT YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS:
1.  Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone!

I hope you enjoyed this communication and can attend one or more of the sessions scheduled for this week.

Mike