SENIOR NET NEWSLETTER 09/24/2000
Sue and I enjoy going to sleep with the personalities on WBZ Boston radio, 1030 on the am dial. We have been fans for many years, actually dating back to 1962. We stumbled on the station while on a family camping trip. Then the main personality was Larry Glick and he was a scream. Many personalities have come and gone over the years but the talkshow format has remained and the hosts have continued to be very interesting. To get to the point I was perusing the WBZ website, www.wbz.com and I clicked on "radio personalities" and then "Jordan Rich". We like him along with others. (If you dial into WBZ or access the webpage also visit Steve LeVeille, he's a hoot too.) Anyway, I found the following in the listeners respond section of Jordan Rich and thought it very appropiate, especially since I am on a rampage about so many bureauacratic ripoffs that are levied on the "Average American - you and me" these days. I'll expound on that subject a bit later. Anyway here is the piece. I'd vote for this person.
THE DEATH OF COMMON SENSE Today I am mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense, AKA C.S., lived a long life but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair. C.S. lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids).
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution C.S. survived cultural and educational trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and "new math". But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-It-Only-Helps-One-Person-It's-Worth-It" virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal regulation. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student.
Finally, C.S. lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports. As the end neared, C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets, "smart" guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags. Finally when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior furniture only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed his last.
C.S. was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers, Rights, Tolerance, and Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
-Author unknown
THIS WEEK'S SCHEDULE Monday 9/25/00 @ 6 :00 PM Monday evening Intermediates (2nd session of six sessions) The next Monday evening class starts 11/6/00. The cost is $12.00 for the six sessions. Some topics to be addressed include: Basics of maneuvering about the Windows Operating System, copy/paste,drag/drop, editing, saving to various drives, right mouse button options, creating folders and files, uninstalling, deleting, advanced email and browser techniques involving bookmarks, addressbooks, forwarding messages, attachments, and HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language). Dave Winkelman provides the leadership for this class. Beginner computer knowledge and beginner computerskills are necessary. A ton of info is packed into the six sessions. This course is designed for those who "think they know" and especially for those who "want to know" more.
Tuesday 9/26/00 @9:00 AM Tuesday morning Newbies ( second of six sessions) The nest Tuesday morning Newbies will be 11/14/00. This is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet. There is a $12.00 per course charge for this class. Class size is limited so participants should pre register. Skills taught in the beginner classes include mouse techniques like drag and drop, plus very beginner basics for email and browsing the Web. Dave Winkelman provides the leadership for this class. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it is very difficult to retain information without practice. You really would not try to learn to play the piano without actual keyboard time.
Tuesday 9/26/00 @5:00 PM Tuesday Evening Newbies (fourth session of six sessions) This class is full and is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet. The next Tuesday afternoon class will start October 31, 2000 from 3:00-5:00 There is a $12.00 per course charge for this class. Class size is limited so participants should pre register. Skills taught in the beginner classes include mouse techniques like drag and drop, plus very beginner basics for email and browsing the Web. Dave Winkleman provides the leadership for this class. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it is very difficult to retain information without practice. You really would not try to learn to play the piano without actual keyboard time.
Wednesday 9/27/00 @9:00 AM Wednesday morning group of Senior Net Learners: . This is an advanced group and we cover a lot of territory. We are kind of free flowing. You never know what will transpire. We will continue addressing Q&A from the group. New participants are always welcome. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it sure helps with the learning curve. Usually, Mike Foust, and anyone else who wants to jump into the fray, provide the leadership for this session. Intermediate computer knowledge and Intermediate computer skills are necessary.
Thursday 10/12/00 @ 9:00 AM Thursday morning Intermediates (first session of six sessions) Call KCnet to register. The cost is $12.00 for the six sessions. Some topics to be addressed include: Basics of maneuvering about the Windows Operating System, copy/paste, drag/drop, editing, saving to various drives, right mouse button options, creating folders and files, uninstalling, deleting, advanced email and browser techniques involving bookmarks, address books, forwarding messages, attachments, and HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language). Mike Foust provides the leadership for this class. Beginner computer knowledge and beginner computer skills are necessary. A ton of info is packed into the six sessions. This course is designed for those who "think they know" and especially for those who "want to know" more.
Thursday 9/28/00 @1:00 PM Tuesday Afternoon Newbies (third session of six sessions) The next Thursday afternoon Newbies will be 10/26/00. This class is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet. There is a $12.00 per course charge for this class. Class size is limited so participants should pre register. Skills taught in the beginner classes include mouse techniques like drag and drop, plus very beginner basics for email and browsing the Web. Dave Winkleman provides the leadership for this class. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it is very difficult to retain information without practice. You really would not try to learn to play the piano without actual keyboard time.
The Intermediate Group Course Content: We mess around with the desktop, rearrange icons, change backgrounds, create screen savers, learn to make shortcuts on the desktop, learn a bunch of ways to access the hard drive and discuss how our computers resemble a file cabinet in its organization. We learn a little bit about extensions like .gif, .wav, .mid, .txt, .doc, .jpeg, .exe, and dot de dot de dot... just to name a few. We discover what special programs are already installed on our computers to help us see these special extensions. We make folders and subfolders on the hard drive. We copy and paste files into these folders. We learn the difference between cut/paste and copy/paste. We learn how to copy/borrow graphic and midi files from the internet and save them to the new folders we make. Then we copy and paste files from floppies to the hard drive, we move files from the hard drive to a floppy disk. We take floppies home with graphics and midis on them to put on the hard drives to use with email. We investigate the difference between uninstall and delete for programs and files and when it is appropriate to do either. We learn how to do a "Thorough" Scandisk, Defrag. and Cleandisk. We become proficient with Bookmarks and Forwarding messages. The final week we will get into HTML in email. So look out because we will be terrorizing our friends with neat souped up emails. Yep!, we definitely learn enough to be verrrrry dangerous AND...WE HAVE FUN!!!.
OTHER SESSIONS MEETING AT KCNET: MAC Users: This is an ongoing (no start or finish date) group of Apple Mac owners/users. The group meets every 1st Thursday each month from 4:30-6:30. Each session is $5.00. The next session is August 10, 2000. Clair Falls is the group leader.
Genealogy: This is a four session program costing $20.00 for all the sessions. Sessions are every Thursdays in October from 6:00-8:00. Dave Wallace is the instructor. Class size is limited so please preregister.
Please Call Dave Winkelman at KCnet, 893-8111, with suggestions for other computer interest courses.
HAPPY FIRST WEEKEND OF FALL If you are looking for Fall Foliage here are two great sites.
OTHER AWESOME FALL SITES TO LEAF THROUGH www.weather.com/outdoors/fall/ www.stormfax.com/foliage.htm www.roundthebend.com/nysfoli.html www.travelnotes.org/Travel/sep16.htm
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING:
WEB RING, THE CIRCUITOUS DIRECTORY A search engine is a good way to track down information on the Web, but it's not the only way, nor is it always the best way. A Web ring is a group of related sites you can visit by jumping from one to another, either in random order or in a circle. More than 80,000 rings are registered with the RingWorld Directory, and Web rings have special appeal and usefulness to those with niche interests. For example, there are 403 sites in the Linux Web ring, which pays homage to the open source operating system, and 14 sites in the PogueRing, for fans of the great Irish band the Pogues. If you're interested in attachment parenting, a search reveals 241 DIFFERENT Web rings related in some way to that topic. You get the idea. The RingWorld Directory lists rings in subject categories and offers a search feature to narrow down your choices. http://www.webring.com
THE LOW DOWN ON FREE ISP'S Free ISPs called no bargain Researchers who evaluated half a dozen free Internet access services said Monday their users may save money but stand to spend lots of time. "Free ISP services fared pretty dismally," said IDC's Steve Harris, who heads up the Framingham, Mass.-based researcher's business network services division. Harris said users wait to download software, are asked to provide "scores of demographic information," and often face delays logging in and then slow connection rates. "What ISPs must keep in mind that that the point of getting online is to be able to see the content," Harris said. He added most free ISPs deliver advertising to users, and those messages frequently cover information on Web pages forcing users to scroll the screen. "Interfering with the users lessens the quality of the experience," Harris said. ISPs tested included BlueLight.com, Freeinternet.com and NetZero (NZRO: news, msgs). Washingtonpost.com will offer free dial-up Internet access through Thinking Tools Inc.'s (TSIM: news, msgs) StartFree.com. The Post's home page will be the first page StartFree.com users see when they log on. "This is the first nationally recognized news Web site for our media marketing strategy," said StartFree's president, Michael Lee.
MAKE MONEYFA$$$TBy Robin Garr "BROKE? NEEDINSTANTCASH? THOUSANDS?? TRYTHIS, ITREALLYWORKSPLEASETAKETHETIMETOPRINTOUT & READ, ITWILLCHANGEYOURLIFE!!" We've all seen this kind of spammy scam pop up in our email boxes or newsgroups. These missives are generally framed in capital letters, contain more than their share of exclamation points, and are invariably attached to patently impossible and possibly illegal multilevel marketing schemes and chain letters. But is anyone actually fooled by such naive come-ons? Apparently so. The Federal Trade Commission recently reported that it logged 18,600 consumer complaints about Internet fraud in 1999, a growing flood of abuse that had grown from fewer than 1,000 such complaints in 1997. Moreover, the FTC said, reports of Internet-related fraud now make up one-fourth of ALL its fraud complaints. Last month, in an action brought by the FTC, a federal judge in suburban New York ruled that one particular Internet get-rich-quick operation had duped its 8,200 members out of almost $3 million. Five Star Auto Club, a New York firm, had invited participants to become "consultant members" by paying a $400 initiation fee and $100 monthly payments. In return, participants were told they would make money by recruiting additional members and taking a commission from THEIR payments. Very few people made money, of course, and it didn't take long for complaints to reach the FTC. It didn't take much longer for Federal Judge Colleen McMahon to order Five Star to pay back the money; and for good measure, she banned the company's principals from the multilevel marketing business for life. One poorer-but-wiser participant told reporters that she trusted Five Star because the company had a Web site. "We thought that a Web site, up for all to see, was a badge of legitimacy," she said. Nobody ever said Barnum was wrong.
A WRINKLE IN TIME "How does Netscape add the time to the top of an e-mail or the reply? For example, when I see 'Tue, 11 Jul 2000 18:49:36 -0700,' is 18:49:36 my local time zone? What is the -0700 for? Are these times based on my and the sender's Windows clock? I sent a message at 2:59 PM, but the recipients' reply said 'Sent: Tuesday, July 11, 2000 7:59 AM.' How does Messenger's time stamp work?" First things first. In your example, "18:49:36" is your local time in hours, minutes, and seconds presented military style. "-700" represents your local time zone based on GMT or Greenwich Mean Time. The full, technical description of your time zone is GMT -700, or Greenwich Mean Time minus seven hours. To answer the rest of your question, it has always been my understanding that the ISP's mail server handled e-mail time-stamping. It stamps messages when they arrive and depart, gives them ID numbers, and makes adjustments for different time zones. You can compare the whole process to the way the post office handles regular mail. If your provider does not set the server's internal clock properly, your e-mail always gets tagged with the wrong time. This may explain why you are sending and receiving e-mails with the wrong time listed. Another explanation could be that the messages sit in a queue at the server, waiting for routing to the proper receiving server. It may be several hours before your message makes it beyond your ISP's mail server.
W A R N I N G: W A T E R I N M I C R O W A V E Forwarded by Bev Womeldorf I guess I didn't know this. I heat water in a mug often in the microwave. I never thought of it as being too dangerous. I feel that the following is information that anyone who uses a microwave oven to heat water should be made aware of. About five days ago my twenty-six-year old son decided to have a cup of instant coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for but he told me he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup he noted that the water was not boiling, but instantly the water in the cup "blew up" into his face. The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has first and second degree burns to his face that may leave scarring. He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is a fairly common occurrence and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to diffuse the energy such as a wooden stirrer stick / spoon, tea bag, etc. It is however a much safer choice to boil the water in a kettle. NOTE: Subsequently on reviewing the above I have consulted a set of Microwave Operation Instructions and under the heading Liquids it states: Liquids that have been heated by Microwave can suddenly erupt. This is due to layers heated to higher temperatures being trapped under the surface. To avoid this happening to any liquid, e.g. coffee, custard, gravy etc.: 1) Stir the liquid thoroughly before heating in the microwave. 2) Stir the liquid at least twice during the heating time. 3) Stir the liquid again at the end. NEVER OVERHEAT LIQUIDS. 4) Always use a suitable sized container, at least one third larger, than the volume of liquid to be heated. If in doubt use conventional methods, kettle, etc. Please pass this information on to friends and family. Have a safe day.
SAVE E-MAIL TO A FLOPPY "Does Communicator ot Internet Explorer allow one to save e-mail on a floppy disk?" Absolutely! Perhaps the easiest way would be to save the message as a simple text file on the floppy. In Messenger, open the message in question and click File, Save As, File (or press Ctrl-S). Make sure your floppy is in the drive. Use the Up One Level button (next to the Save In box) to locate drive A: (the floppy drive). Double-click drive A:, then give the message a file name ending with the .txt extension and click Save. You can also use these steps to save messages to any folder in your hard disk.
READING MAIL IN MESSENGER, NOT NAVIGATOR "In some of the e-mail I receive, I have to go to my browser to open and read my mail. Can't Netscape detect and open mail in either plain-text or HTML format?" Yes, it can. Depending on your Messenger window configuration (see the tip entitled "Deleting Messages: A Clarification" on August 14), Messenger will either display a message in the bottom section of the window or open a new window to display the message. Netscape interprets messages with HTML code and properly displays them no matter what window configuration you use. However, if you use any of the popular Web-based mail services (Yahoo Mail, HotMail, and so on), Messenger has no control over the way messages display; in fact, it doesn't even play a role. The HTML code is formatted by the e-mail service and retrieved by your computer, where your browser interprets it rather than the Messenger e-mail client. In essence, the Web page becomes your e-mail client. The Web-based service provides all controls for deleting, forwarding, and replying.
HOW TO FIT A SEARCH ENGINE ON YOUR DESKTOP If you're working with a program and realize that you need to find something on the Internet, you can double-click the browser icon to open Netscape Communicator or Internet Explorer. Then you can navigate to a search site and begin looking. There's a quicker way, though. What if you put the search engine URL into one of your folders--or on the desktop? Or even in the Start menu, where you can always get to it? Run Netscape or Internet Explorer and navigate to your favorite search engine. Now choose Bookmarks, Add to Bookmarks or Favorites, Add To Favorites and click OK. At this point, you can close the browser. Next, locate your Bookmarks or Favorites folder on your hard disk. The location can vary, so click the desktop and press F3 to open Find. In the Named text entry box, type Bookmarks or Favorites Now expand the Look In list box by clicking the arrow at the right side. From the list, select drive C: (whatever you call it). Make sure Include Subfolders is selected and click Find Now. When you locate the Bookmarks or Favorites folder, double-click it (yes, right there in Find). When it opens, drag the Search URL to the Start button. Release the mouse, and the Search URL will appear in the Start menu. All you have to do now is click Start and choose the URL, and the appropiate browser will open, dial your ISP, and navigate to the search site.
INTERESTING SITES: HAVE AN EVENT YOU WANT TO PROMOTE? Use the new announcement form on the "Community Announcement" link on the KCnet Home Page. www.kcnet.org/~wwwboard/wwwboard/wwwboard.html
WEATHERPLANNER There are plenty of Web sites that tell you what the weather is like today. Many even offer a five-day forecast. But what if you want a weather forecast for the third Tuesday in February...of next year? Look no farther than WeatherPlanner, a free online service that delivers forecasts anywhere from six days to a year in advance. It's a great resource for planning weddings, vacations, and company picnics. Just type in a place and a date, and you'll get a forecast that includes the type of precipitation (if any), probable high temperature range, and whether (no pun intended) this temperature is unseasonably warm or cold compared to historical records. WeatherPlanner employs a team of 30 meteorologists and a very sophisticated computer model to generate its forecasts. Of course, it doesn't claim to be any more accurate than your regular weather forecaster--just a little less shortsighted. www.weatherplanner.com
SEARCHING When you're in The Argus Clearinghouse browsing through categories for guides to whatever subject you're interested in, click the "Scope Notes" button. (You have to click into the Search/Browse area first.) Scope Notes explains all of the categories and subcategories, clueing you into the organization of the links. It's odd that this feature isn't universally included in the Browsing view, where it would be most helpful, but what can you do? www.clearinghouse.net
CABELAS Here is a fantastic site showcasing the Cabelas retail stores. Make sure you take a look at the most recently opened store in Dundee, Michigan. Keep Cabelas in mind when traveling and if you are anywhere in the area of one of the stores you will want to visit. Both Skip Frye and Ken Condo attest to their awesome features. It is not necessary to be sportsminded to enjoy their beauty. The second link is for the purists of sports loving folks. www.cabelas.com/pages/RetailHome.html www.cabelas.com
SURROUND VIDEO GIVES YOU A 360-DEGREE VIEW This is awesome stuff Have you seen any surround videos? A surround video is a 360-degree picture you can pan through to see everything. You'll find good examples of real estate walkthroughs and panoramic landscapes at Web WalkThroughs. If you'd rather look at new cars, try the MSN CarPoint Surround Video Gallery. At the CarPoint site, use your mouse pointer to move around the interior and exterior of a given car--all sides, even the floor mats and headliner. This site will also want you to download some software, but it is a Microsoft site, after all. If you can't trust Microsoft with your browser, who can you trust? Web WalkThroughs www.baker-design.com MSN CarPoint--Surround Video Gallery carpoint.msn.com/gallery/
LETSFINDOUT KIDS' ENCYCLOPEDIA Here is one for the grandkids. Not nearly as comprehensive as its leatherbound, tree-killing cousins, this site is nonetheless an excellent homework helper. It is adorned with friendly graphics, and it's a snap to navigate. You can search for your subject by keyword, but because this site is limited to a few hundred subjects, it's better to browse. Pick from sixteen helpful categories, such as America, Bugs, Sports, or Undersea. Each is loaded with simple, straightforward text-only articles. Get the skinny on such diverse topics as Paul Revere, the Eiffel Tower, the Ankylosaurus, or the Power of Television. But beware of the "Browse All" button, which takes an Internet eternity to download every single article into a long alphabetical list! Remember, sometimes less is more. www.letsfindout.com
INCREASE YOUR EMAIL Everthing and anything you might want to subscribe for. Thanks Tom Livingston. www.listworld.net/index23b.cfm?refid=20&id=NL
DIDJA KNOW?: Why do we call text that can be dropped unchanged into many documents boilerplate? The term boilerplate comes originally from newspapers. Syndicated material was often sent to local papers not as printed or electronic copy that could be altered but rather already embedded in mats, ready to have boiling lead poured on them to form the plates used for printing. Hence such unaltered text became known as boilerplate. But I should also point out that in certain professions there are sometimes other ways of describing this stuff. To some lawyers, for example, such text that can be dropped into a contract, especially when one of the parties to it is not looking, is called "gotcha!" When used a second time in a contract, it's called "gotcha again!!" Source: WORD & PHRASE ORIGINS by William & Mary Morris FAST FACTS:
HOT DOG The term hot dog comes from the Polo Grounds in New York. Back then, a concessionaire named Harry Stevens had his vendors call out "Get your red-hot dachshund sausages!" The dachshund thing comes from the shape of the sausage as compared to the dog. Anyway, sports cartoonist T. A. Dorgan was so fond of this expression that he drew a frankfurter shaped like a dachshund inside a bun. Thus, the name hot dog was born.
MUSH One of the odder sporting terms is "mush." Why do dog sled drivers yell "mush" to get their group of dogs going? Why not a spirited "let's go!" In actuality, this term comes from the Canadian sled drivers who are really yelling "marchons" which means "let us march" in French. When the English-speaking drivers tried to copy their Canadian instructors, they tended to pronounce the term "mushon" which was then shortened to "mush."
What kind of instrument is a jew's harp and how did it get its name? Some people are a little uncomfortable when they hear a reference to this venerable instrument. Not only are they unsure of just what exactly it might be, they also sense there might be something derogatory in its name. The tip-off that this is more benign than it looks, though, is in the lower case "j." The jew's harp, a metal instrument that produces a folksy "twang" when you grip it with your teeth and pluck it, comes to us from France. The French called it the jeu tromp, or "play trumpet." The spelling of jeu was anglicized when the instrument was mentioned in an English play, and trumpet evolved into harp. Of course, if this whatzit is a harp, then wax paper and a comb is a clarinet. But it's good to have higher aspirations. Source: WORD & PHRASE ORIGINS by William & Mary Morris
INFLAMMABLE I'm not sure when, but it seems that most of the trucks that used to say "Contents Inflammable" now say "Contents Flammable." Who let the mistake slide in the first place? This is an obvious jump in logic. Of course, the prefix "in" usually means, "not." For example a person who is incoherent is not considered to be coherent. But, our marvelous English language is filled with exceptions. Flammable and inflammable have exactly the same meaning--easily set on fire. Chances are that insurance companies encouraged the change because most Americans don't realize the exception here.
WHAT WAS THE FIRST WORD THAT BLIND HELEN KELLER LEARNED IN SIGN LANGUAGE FROM HER TEACHER ANNIE SULLIVAN? Water.
WHO WAS THE LONGEST-REIGNING POPE? Pius IX, who led the Catholic Church for nearly 32 years, from1846 to 1878. It was during his reign that the First Vatican Council, in 1870, promulgated the dogma of papal infallibility. That doctrine states that the pope cannot err on matters of faith or morals when speaking ex cathedra, that is, in his official character of supreme pontiff.
WHAT GAMES WERE PLAYED IN THE FIRST MODERN OLYMPICS? The first modern Olympics, held in Athens, Greece, in April 1896, featured the following sports: cycling, fencing, gymnastics, shooting, swimming (including diving, synchronized swimming, water polo) track and field, weight lifting, and wrestling.
WHAT WAS GERALD R. FORD'S REAL NAME? He was born Leslie Lynch King, Jr. in 1913. His parents divorced when he was an infant; his mother then married Gerald R. Ford, Sr., who adopted the future president and gave him his name.
If you had a model Mark IV FM, which product would you own? a. A recreational vehicle made by General Motors? b. Sony's not yet released top-of-the line DVD player? c. Cambridge Audio's best table-model radio? d. None of the above? The answer is "d." You would have the atom bomb dropped on Nagasaki in 1945. The bomb was designated the Mark IV FM on its blueprints. Source: THE NEW YORK TIMES
FAST FACTS: Almost anywhere you look, possibly on your block, people are violating the rules of English grammar. They're doing it not only when they speak and write, but also, brazenly, on painted signs in front of their homes. I'm referring to those common signs telling you which family lives in a particular house, such as "The Brown's" or "The Smith's." The correct way to do it would be "The Browns" or "The Smiths." Adding the apostrophe makes it possessive and emphasizes that they own the house. But hey, they live there, don't they? Who else would own it? The boogeyman? The bank? Whoops, I repeat myself. Source: THE DICTIONARY OF MISINFORMATION
QUOTES: "Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third." --Marge Piercy
"Happiness is a function of accepting what is." --Werner Erhard
"There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them." --Phyllis Bottome
"Half the failures in life arise from pulling in one's horse as he is leaping." --Julius and Augustus Hare
"The present is a point just passed." --David Russell
"If you see a bandwagon, it's too late." --James Goldsmith
"To have a reason to get up in the morning, it is necessary to possess a guiding principle. A belief of some kind. A bumper sticker, if you will." --Judith Guest
"One may miss the mark by aiming too high, as too low." --Thomas Fuller
"An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less." --Nicholas Murray Butler
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field." --Niels Bohr
THIS WEEK'S CUTIES: First three from Bud Casselberry. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted, demanding, Why do we have to learn all this stuff?? To save lives,?the professor responded quickly, and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. So, how exactly does physics save lives?? - he persisted. The professor replied "It keeps the idiots out of medical school."
Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory. An exciting new discovery is about to take place. Mr. Bell and his assistant, Mr. Watson, have been hard at work on Bell's new invention to transmit sound over wires. As Mr. Watson toils away in the room with the receiver, he suddenly hears a message coming over the wires: "Good evening, sir. Are you paying too much for your long distance service?"
A customer goes into the computer store, finds a clerk, and says,"I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. I'm ready for something really challenging." "Well," replies the helpful clerk, "have you tried Windows 2000?"
An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to see you," he said, "I've been lost for three days." "Don't get too excited, friend," the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."
A survey of personnel executives at 200 of the Fortune 1,000 companies provided the following unbelievable but true examples of job applicant behavior. "The reason the candidate was taking so long to respond to a question became apparent when he began to snore." "When I asked the candidate to give a good example of the organizational skills she was boasting about, she said she was proud of her ability to pack her suitcase 'real neat' for her vacations." "Why did (the applicant) go to college?" His reply: "To party and socialize." "When I gave him my business card at the beginning of the interview, he immediately crumpled it and tossed it in the wastebasket." "I received a resume and letter that said that the recent high-school graduate wanted to earn $25 an hour-'and not a nickel less.'" "(The applicant) had arranged for a pizza to be delivered to my office during a lunch-hour interview. I asked him not to eat it until later." "(The applicant) said she had just graduated cum laude, but she had no idea what cum laude meant. However, she was proud of her grade point average. It was 2.1." "(The applicant) insisted on telling me that he wasn't afraid of hard work. But insisted on adding he was afraid of horses and didn't like jazz, modern art, or seafood." "She actually showed up for an interview during the summer wearing a bathing suit. She said she didn't think I'd mind." "He sat down opposite me, made himself comfortable, and proceeded to put his foot up on my desk." "The interview had gone well, until he told me that he and his friends wore my company's clothing whenever they could. I had to tell him that we manufactured office products, not sportswear." "(The applicant) applied for a customer service position, although, as he confided, he really wasn't a people person." "Without asking if I minded, he casually lit a cigar and then tossed the match onto my carpet-and couldn't understand why I was upset." "On the phone, I had asked the candidate to bring his resume and a couple of references. He arrived with the resume-and two people."
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there. When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits. His co-worker asked him to reconsider. Chicago was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, sites, good public transportation, etc. Then he said, "Why I myself worked in Chicago for almost 10 years, and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working." The first asked, "What did you do there?" To which the other replied, "I was tail-gunner on a bread truck."
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. The patient refused an autopsy. The patient has no past history of suicides. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. She is numb from her toes down. The skin was moist and dry. Patient was alert and unresponsive. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
OK! That's a Wrap. See ya next week! I hope you enjoyed this communication and can attend one or more of the sessions scheduled for this week.