SENIOR NET NEWSLETTER 07/23/2000
Here's the scenario. KCnet purchased a "TNT Modem Box", an expensive piece to say the least. It will give KCnet an ability to routinely grow the connection base for the next two years without adding more modems.
Well the box arrived, along with professional technicians who were employed to perform the installation. Little did we know that Murphy came with them. He brought the Law, Murphy's Law, and a bag of Demons, Gremlins and some mean old Trolls. You get the gist I hope. It was like an organ transplant operation.
Immediately, "upon closing," the System began rejecting the new parts and promptly reacted by demonstrating APCD (Acute Persistent Convulsive Disconnects). Sirens wailed, phones rang, and end users came unglued. It appeared that the system was not only throwing disconnects but it somehow transported the Demons and Gremlins to users computers. Everything that was ever wrong with a users computer was blamed on the remote modem base operation changeover. Meanwhile the Trolls blocked every bridge the technical team attempted.
Persisting, the technical team went into RM (Recovery Mode). They elected invasive infusion by deploying IS ( Innovative Software), along with performing VMM (Vigorous Manual Manipulation). Within 72 hours the new parts exhibited partial response. Disconnects were stifled but the system was left in an extremely weakened condition and responded with DS (Darn Slow) load time, which in turn caused pesky TS (Timed Outs). And then additional unanticipated symptoms of slow transport and packet loss were diagnosed. Times were getting tough, water deeper, mountains higher, and the kitchen hotter.
New outside Specialist Technicians (factory boys) were contacted for their superior diagnosis. Gnashing and blame flaming occurred. S/D&IIDP+MR (Scan/Defrag and Invasive Internal Diagnostic Procedures + Manual Resuscitation) was recommended and executed. The diagnosis was a corrupt, therefore non-functional Internal Watchmacallit Board which deployed URC (Unsatisfactory Redundant Connectivity) in addition to the DS (Darn Slow) symptom and the TS (timed outs).
A replacement Internal Watchamacallit Board was overnighted and subrogation infused. This procedure required a complete system interruption (shutdown). More sirens, home page notices, apologies, phone inquiries and unhappy members . Of course, Murphy resurfaced. The new board refused deployment and malfunctioned requiring reconnection to the FB (factory boys). Another overnight and installation. Of course another system interruption (shutdown) was required, and again the sirens, home page notices, apologies, phone inquiries and unhappy members.
This time Murphy packed his bags with the Gremlins, and the Demons and the Trolls and moved to another unfortunate ISP.
THIS WEEK'S SCHEDULE: Tuesday 7/25/00 @9:00 AM Tuesday Newbies (first session of six sessions) This is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet. The next Tuesday morning Newbies will begin July 25, 2000. There is a $12.00 per course charge for this class. Class size is limited so participants should pre register. Skills taught in the beginner classes include mouse techniques like drag and drop, plus very beginner basics for email and browsing the Web. Dave Winkelman provides the leadership for this class. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it is very difficult to retain information without practice. You really would not try to learn to play the piano with out actual keyboard time.
Wednesday 7/26/00 @9:00 AM Wednesday group of Senior Net Learners: This is an advanced group and we cover a lot of territory. We are kind of free flowing. You never know what will transpire. We will continue addressing Q&A from the group. Also I will have some new areas to explore. New participants are always welcome. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it sure helps with the learning curve. Mike Foust, and anyone else who wants to jump into the fray, provide the leadership for this session. Intermediate computer knowledge and Intermediate computer skills are necessary.
Wednesday 7/26/00 @ 4:00 PM Wednesday Intermediates (seventh session of seven sessions) Some topics to be addressed include: Basics of maneuvering about the Windows Operating System, copy/paste, drag/drop, editing, saving to various drives, right mouse button options, creating folders and files, uninstalling, deleting, advanced email and browser techniques involving bookmarks, address books, forwarding messages, attachments, and HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language). Dave Winkelman provides the leadership for this class. Beginner computer knowledge and beginner computer skills are necessary. A ton of info is packed into the six sessions.
Thursday 7/27/00 @ 9:00 AM Thursday Intermediates (seventh session of seven sessions) Some topics to be addressed include: Basics of maneuvering about the Windows Operating System, copy/paste, drag/drop, editing, saving to various drives, right mouse button options, creating folders and files, uninstalling, deleting, advanced email and browser techniques involving bookmarks, address books, forwarding messages, attachments, and HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language). Yea, we probably learned enough to be very dangerous. Doncha just Love it? Mike Foust provides the leadership for this class. Beginner computer knowledge and beginner computer skills are necessary. A ton of info is packed into the six sessions.
Special Note for all participants in the Intermediate courses now in session: Dave and I were not able to impart the information according to the lesson plans into the six sessions this time, so we are extending both Intermediate courses by one additional session. We want everyone to finish as accomplished computerists.
The Intermediate Group Course Content:
OTHER SESSIONS MEETING ON A REGULAR SCHEDULE: MAC Users: This is an ongoing (no start or finish date) group of Apple Mac owners/users. The group meets every 2nd Thursday each month from 4:30-6:30. Each session is $5.00. The next session is August 10, 2000. Clair Falls is the group leader.
Genealogy:This is a four session program costing $20.00 for all the sessions. Sessions are Thursday evenings from 6:00-8:00. Dave Wallace is the instructor. Call KCnet for the next starting date.
Please call Dave Winkleman at KCnet, 893-8111, to suggest other course interests.
If the world were 100 people -- There would be: 57 Asians 21 Europeans 14 from North and South America 8 Africans 52 would be female 48 would be male 70 would be nonwhite, 30 white 59% of the entire world's wealth would belong to only 6 people and. all 6 would be citizens of the United States 80 would live in substandard housing 70 would be unable to read 50 would suffer from malnutrition 1 would be near death 1 would be near birth Only 1 would have a college education 99 of them will not see this message, because only 1 would have a computer. http://www.send4fun.com/100people.htm
CLICK HERE to go to the where am I pictures!
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING: From Dummies Daily: TLC for your mouse. Also a review from day 1 of the KCnet Newbies Class: Windows has been around for years. Your mouse has been handling Windows for years. You've been handling your mouse. Chances are your mouse needs a cleaning after all that handling. Most mice have a rubberized ball you can clean. Flip the mouse over. Rotate the plastic cover to release the ball. Clean it in soapy water, then dry it thoroughly. Use a Q-tip with rubbing alcohol to gently wipe off the little rollers inside the ball's cage. Then replace the ball.
From CNET.com - Hardware - Desktops - Connections Primer Here is a good site that connects to many other good sites that help educate the user, with plain English about ports and peripherals. There are pics and diagrams along with the text. It starts as follows: No matter how powerful and versatile your new PC may be, it can't exist without connecting to the outside world. Computers must accept data and input from our real-world devices, such as modems or keyboards, then send the resulting data and video signals back out to our peripheral devices, such as monitors and printers. These connections take place on the back of your computer where, in addition to the dust bunnies and cobwebs, you'll find a gaggle of connectors. Parallel, serial, USB, FireWire, infrared--as well as peculiar ports for keyboards and mice--all dot the landscape of the dark side of your PC. computers.cnet.com/hardware/0-1017-7-2181729.html
Another from Tipworld: Preview a font in various sizes. If you'd like to know how a font, or several fonts, will look when printed, you can choose the font in Word, type in a sentence or two, and then print it. But since you're using Windows, there's an even quicker way to examine a font. Run Windows Explorer and locate the Windows folder. Click on the little plus sign to the left of the folder and then locate the Fonts folder. All the fonts will appear in the right pane of the Explorer window. Locate the font you're interested in and double-click on it. This opens a dialog box showing the font in various sizes. Click on Print to see how all the sizes look on paper. This technique saves time because you can print out several fonts very quickly. It requires one page per font.
INTERESTING SITES: Ah, Yes!! From the good old fifties. Remember them? ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME AND MUSEUM Thanks to this Web site, you don't have to travel all the way to Cleveland, Ohio, to see the coolest museum on the planet. The original I.M. Pei architectural masterpiece contains thousands of artifacts and memorabilia, but many can be viewed directly from this official Web site. The Museum is clearly a place where everyday items, like a Fats Domino shirt, take on the aura of an original Picasso. Search for your favorite group or artist in the extensive inductees' list. Or just see who made it in this year. There is a photo and detailed profile of each inductee, often with a description of a related artifact. How cool is it? Let's just say that the online Hip Hop exhibition comes with suggested lesson plans. If only all teachers were that hip! Warning: This site is graphics-intensive, so be patient. www.rockhall.com
Digital Dog: It's sad to consider that most people spend more time researching their new cars than their new puppies. And because dogs usually last longer than cars, you have a long time to live with your decision. This site claims to be dedicated to teaching everyone about "The Dog Within Us," but we've found it more helpful in evaluating real world pooches. First step--learn about the various types of dogs. What makes a pointer a pointer and a hound a hound? Learn how to distinguish between sporting dogs, toy dogs, and working dogs. Next, delve into detailed profiles of dozens of dog breeds, including lifespan, temperament, trainability, and intelligence, from Afghans to Yorkshire Terriers. Looking for a little dog fiction? Read musings about the origins of dogs and other heartwarming "dog tales." www.digitaldog.com
FactCity is a Web answer service or "fact-finding engine." You type a question and get an answer within a fraction of a second. It works with other search engines and portals -- those showing the Power By Fact City label -- but tries to return answers, not just links to pages that might contain the answer. So far, it is showing its colors mainly for specific questions at sports sites including FoxSports, and ESPN.com. www.factcity.com sportssearch.foxsports.com espn.factcity.net
I'd say this is the site of the week!! All the References you could ever need. They are all here. Bartleby.com is a free reference site. The Columbia Encyclopedia,The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Roget's Thesaurus, Post's Etiquette, the Cambridge History of English and American Literaturea, Frazer's Golden Bough, Bulfinch's Mythology, Mencken's Language, Gray's Anatomy (including the illustrations), Oxford Shakespeare, Farmer's Cookbook, Simpson's Contemporary Quotations, The American Heritage Book of English Usage, and portions of Bartlett's Quotations, Strunk's Elements of Style, and six poetry anthologies are all searchable by line, word, and author's name. www.bartleby.com
Smell The Coffee: I might have already given this one to you. Please excuse the redundancy if necessary. SmellTheCoffee.com is trying hard to be the best Web site to visit while you're drinking coffee. To that end, it has provided worldwide news feeds, games like checkers, and bulletin boards where you can post messages to other coffee drinkers in cyberspace. But even if you're visiting empty-handed, you'll still find this site to be an interesting resource. Peruse its growing directory of coffee shops, coffeehouses, and cyber caf‚s around the globe, including over 10,000 in the US. There are plenty of hot beverage recipes, including delicious sounding treats like "Holiday Spice Au Lait". A section called The Bean provides articles about coffee, including an explanation of all types of beans (from Arabian to Sumatran), descriptions of various brewing methods, the history of coffee, and coffee terminology that will allow you to describe your next cup of java like a pro. www.smellthecoffee.com
The Fun Ones justsaywow.com/mehoppy.htm www.justsaywow.com/friendshipgift.htm www.justsaywow.com/morning.htm www.justsaywow.com/waterfight/1.htm www.justsaywow.com/aboutelephants.htm
FORTIFIED WITH IRON Just what do they mean by fortified with iron? I think you might be surprised to find that this means that there are actually pieces of metal in your cereal--sometimes iron compounds are used instead of pure iron. What we're saying here is that if you ran a powerful magnet through some of your fortified cereals, you'd find that tiny black specks of iron are sticking to it. Fortified, indeed. Cause for concern? Well, not really. The body needs iron, and this is a good way to get it.
BEER BRAIN from Linda Frye. I Do Believe This One A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular attrition of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. So that's why I always feel smarter after a few beers.
FROM THE LITTLE KNOWN AND PROBABLY USELESS KNOWLEDGE DEPARTMENT:
WHAT PART OF A HORSE'S ANATOMY IS KNOWN AS A STIFLE? The joint on the hind leg - between the femur and the tibia-that corresponds anatomically to a human's knee. It's also known as the stifle joint.
WHAT WORD WAS SPELLED OUT IN THE FIRST NEON SIGN? Neon. The small bright red sign was created by Dr. Perley G. Nutting, a government scientist, and exhibited at the 1904 Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, Missouri - 15 years before neon signs became widely used commercially.
FOR WHAT THERAPEUTIC PURPOSE HAVE PHYSICIANS USED GREEN BLOWFLY MAGGOTS? To cleanse wounds. The maggots eat decaying flesh and release a natural antibiotic. This practice was most widely used during World War I.
WHAT EUROPEAN COUNTRY HAS TWO ELEMENTS ON THE PERIODIC TABLE NAMED AFTER IT? France. The elements are No. 31, gallium (Ga), and No. 87, francium (Fr). The name gallium is derived from Gallia, the Latin name for almost all the region we now know as France.
WHY DO WE CALL SEEDY SALOONS "DIVES"? When the word "dive" first came into use in New York City in the mid-1800s, such an establishment was usually located below street level in a run-down row house, requiring patrons to descend into the building's depths.
WHO INTRODUCED THE GIN AND LIME JUICE COCKTAIL WE KNOW AS THE GIMLET? Sir T.O. Gimlette, a British naval surgeon at the turn of the century who believed that drinking straight gin was unhealthy and impaired the efficiency of naval officers - so began diluting it with lime juice.
BY WHAT STAGE NAMES DO WE KNOW FATHER AND SON ACTORS RAMON AND CARLOS ESTEVEZ? Ramon is Martin Sheen; Carlos is his son Charlie Sheen. The name was inspired by Roman Catholic Bishop Fulton J. Sheen.
HOW MUCH FARTHER FROM EARTH DOES THE MOON'S ORBIT MOVE EVERY YEAR? About 1.5 inches. Scientists believe the moon has been inching away from Earth for billions of years.
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. --Mark Twain
"There is no failure except in no longer trying." --Elbert Hubbard
"The impossible is often the untried." --Jim Goodwin
"I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect." --Edward Gibbon
"He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper." --Edmund Burke
" Change means movement, movement means friction, friction means heat, and heat means controversy." --Saul Alinsky
"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't." --Frank A. Clark
THIS WEEK'S CUTIES: This one came from many, Paul Antram, Pete Griffin, Tom Livingston, Jack Frey, Bud Casselberry, and maybe some others. Thanks to all of you. I know that most of theSenior Advanced Class participants will have read it but the other 150 or so readers should also have the opportunity to share the piece. Actually the bug was around about a year ago but it must have developed an immunity to the virus neutralizers and cleaners. I laughed much harder this time. RE: Fw: Virus Alert If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. (For God's sake, are you listening?!?!) It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current squeeze behind your back, and billing the hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings, which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. **WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.**
Still another Virus: Thanks to Linda Frye. Virus Warning: Work There is a new virus going around, called "work". If you receive any sort of"work" at all, whether via email, Internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT. Work has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "Sorry...I'm off to the pub". The "work" should automatically be deleted from your brain. If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer. After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you. Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life
CARDS YOU'LL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:............. What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day!............. Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you............ have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love......... After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life........... I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....... that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!.......... I never knew what evil was before this!"
"Before you go,......... I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married............ but not to you."
"You look great for your age....... Almost Lifelike!"
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me......... Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend....... So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
"We have been friends for a very long time........... What do you say we call it quits?"
"I'm so miserable without you.................. It's almost like you're here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy............... Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday--------- So we're having you put to sleep."
Thanks to Jim Rockwell Note:This tidbit can be altered to suit any ethnic, religous, gender, etc. grouping that the teller wishes. Just substitute the appropriate label like, Aggies, blonds, rednecks, etc.for "Poles." Poland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue teams have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
Thanks to Bud Casselberry for this one. Every once in a while a piece will achieve a higher level. This one is unique and quite funny and there is a bit of truth in the parallel. "So now you'll know the rest of the story." And, lo, it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thyn goods, when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And Dot said, "There will be a lot of banging in the land." And Abraham replied, "It is my most fervent wish that this be so." And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But his success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short. And, lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother William's drumsticks. And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, "eBay," he said, "We need a name of a service that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "Whoopee!" said Abraham. "No, YAHOO!" said Dot Com.
I hope you enjoyed this communication and can attend one or more of the sessions scheduled for this week.