SENIOR NET NEWSLETTER 06/04/2000

Good whatever time of day it is.  John Simcox recently forwarded two interesting writiings.  I decided to share them instead of attempting personal creativity for this week's Opener.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...
A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation.
"Do you know what you and I are?" she demanded.
Before I could answer - and I didn't really have one handy - she blurted out the reason for her question. It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office.
Asked by the woman recorder to state her "occupation," Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a ......?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."
"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title, like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"And what is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm....a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply,  "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters). "Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money. There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered
me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants ---age 13, 7, and 3. And upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model (six months) in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt triumphant. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy. And I had gone down on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another......"
Home...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door.

SUCCESS,   LOVE   AND   WEALTH .....
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with  long white beards sitting in her front yard.   She did not recognize them.   She said  "I don't think I know you, but  you must be hungry.   Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?",  they asked.
"No" , she said.   "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.  "Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"  The woman went out and invited the men in.
"We do not go into a House together,"  they replied.
"Why is that?" she wanted to know.
One of the old men explained:  "His name is Wealth,"  he said  pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one,
"He is Success, and I am Love."  Then he added,  "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in  your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said.
Her husband was overjoyed.   "How nice!!",  he said.    "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth.  Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed.  "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner ofthe house. She jumped in with her own suggestion:  "Would it not be better to invite Love?   Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice,"  said the husband to his wife.  "Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men,  "Which one of you is Love?  Please come in and be our guest."   Love got up and started walking toward the house.  The other 2 also got up and followed him.  Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success:   "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"
The old men replied together:   "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you
invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him.   Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"

THIS WEEK'S SCHEDULE:
Tuesday 6/6/00 @5:00 PM
Tuesday Evening Newbies (second session of six sessions)
This is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet. There is a $12.00 per course charge for this class.  Class size is limitied so participants should preregister.  Skills taught in the beginner classes include mouse techniques like drag and drop, plus very beginner basics for email and browsing the Web.
Dave Winkleman provides the leadership for this class.
It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it is very difficult to retain information without practice.  You really would not try to learn to play the piano with out actual keyboard time.

Wednesday 6/7/00 @9:00 AM
Wednesday group of Senior Net Learners:  This is an advanced group and we cover a lot of territory. We are kind of free flowing.  You never know what will transpire.  We get into some interesting discussions and subject matter.   We entertain questions from the group.  I will have some new areas to explore.  New participants are always welcome. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it sure helps with the learning curve.
Mike Foust, and anyone else who wants to jump into the fray,  will provide the leadership for this session.
Intermediate computer knowledge and Intermediate computer skills are necessary.
Wednesday 6/7/00 @ 1:00 PM
Wednesday Newbies (fourth session of six sessions)   This is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet.  Skills taught in the beginner classes include mouse techniques like drag and drop, plus very beginner basics for email and browsing the Web.
Mike Foust will provide the leadership for this class.
It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it is very difficult to retain information without practice.  You really would not try to learn to play the piano with out actual keyboard time.
Tuesday 6/13/00 @9:00 AM
Tuesday Newbies (First session of six sessions)
This is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet. There is a $12.00 per course charge for this class.  Class size is limitied so participants should preregister.  Skills taught in the beginner classes include mouse techniques like drag and drop, plus very beginner basics for email and browsing the Web.
Dave Winkelman will provide the leadership for this class.
It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it is very difficult to retain information without practice.  You really would not try to learn to play the piano with out actual keyboard time.
Wednesday  6/14/00 @ 4:00 PM
Wednesday Intermediates (first session of six sessions)
Some topics to be addressed include: Basics of maneuvering about the Windows Operating System, copy/paste, drag/drop, editing, saving to various drives, right mouse button options, creating folders and files, uninstalling, deleting, advanced email and browser techniques involving bookmarks, address books, forwarding messages, attachments, and HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language).
Dave Winkelman will provide the leadership for this class.
Beginner computer knowledge and beginner computer skills are necessary. A ton of info is packed into the six sessions. Class size is limited so Pre register.
Thursday 6/15/00 @ 9:00 AM
Thursday Intermediates (first session of six sessions)
Some topics to be addressed include: Basics of maneuvering about the Windows Operating System, copy/paste, drag/drop, editing, saving to various drives, right mouse button options, creating folders and files, uninstalling, deleting, advanced email and browser techniques involving bookmarks, address books, forwarding messages, attachments, and HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language).
Dave Winkelman will provide the leadership for this class.
Beginner computer knowledge and beginner computer skills are necessary. A ton of info is packed into the six sessions. Class size is limited so Pre register.
You might want to check with the KCnet desk for other classes scheduled for this summer.
WHERE AM I???
There is a new feature. I'll post a few photos from the area to challenge your sense of direction and recollection.  I'll let you stew a week, then disclose the location description in the next communication.  
You will need to keep your own score.

        CLICK HERE to go to the where am I pictures!

INTERESTING SITES:
This could be a good site for the garden enthusiast. From Skip and Linda Frye
www.thegardenhelper.com/screensaver/cruisinWP.html

Bert Rice recommends this one. There is a lot to do on this page
angelfire.lycos.com/

This one is especially for BJ Miller.  She likes research/newspaper/magazine sites.
The Internet Public Library is the work of librarians. Bringing their skills from the print world, they've organized and evaluated tens of thousands of Internet resources. You can search through them by author, title, or the classic Dewey Decimal system. At this site, there are newspaper and magazine links, reference works, thousands of complete texts, and specific rooms for teens and younger youth.
www.ipl.org

The Seniornet newsletter for this month features the following:
 1.SeniorNet will offer courses online this Fall!
 2.Our picks for summer reading and book clubs
 3.Need advice about travel or your family tree?
 4.Update your knowledge of summer health and safety
 5.Get help with your investments
 6.Discounts and PhotoSharing software
 7.Planning a vacation? Get the weather forecast on SeniorNet
 8.Login to Travel or SeniorNet's other Roundtable discussions
 9.SeniorNet's Nonprofit Mission
You might want to subscribe.  No cost and oodles of useful information.
www.seniornet.org/

Achoo vs Yahoo A Health site
Achoo is a health site. It offers a keyword search complete with Boolean operators and search area (URL, site name, description, keyword) options. (I always thought a Boolean operator was a phone person from the Isle of Boolean.)  If you don't find what you want in its listings, you can click through to search Medline or the Merck Manual.
www.achoo.com

For the activists among us and there is nothing wrong with being a  pol activist.
At last, a well-thought-out, carefully planned forum for totally spontaneous political action. This non-partisan site doesn't care what you believe, as long as you're passionate enough to do something about it. Visit issue-specific forums that range from Abortion to Education to Transportation. There you can read up on the latest news and then head for a chat room or message board to make your opinion...read. You can even form or join an online activist group. If politics is your thing, then look up contact information for all your local elected representatives. Check out their voting records or send them an email. If you feel like greasing the wheels of Democracy,   Grassroots will even help you make a donation to your favorite candidate, party, or cause. And let's face it, Grassroots.com is much faster than waiting on hold for hours just to get a word in on your local talk radio station. (They know about "Talk Back" and "Your Turn.")
www.grassroots.com

Free Virus Programs.  Thanks to Dan Reinhold.
www.pcworld.com/pcwtoday/article/0,1510,16964,00.html

DIDJA  KNOW?:
When someone dies, it is often said that he or she "bought the farm." Naturally, we're left to wonder, "Why?"
Many believe that the expression comes from times of war.  Many soldiers from rural America dreamed of going home,
buying a farm, and living happily-ever-after. The phrase "bought the farm" is a rather ironic one. When a young soldier died, others said that he bought the farm, meaning, he had finally gotten out of the war and achieved peace.
When someone dies, it is often said that he or she "bought the farm." Naturally, we're left to wonder, "Why?"
Many soldiers from rural America dreamed of going home, buying a farm, and living happily-ever-after. The phrase "bought the farm" is a rather ironic one. When a young soldier died, others said that he bought the farm, meaning, he had finally gotten out of the war and achieved peace.

WHEN WAS COFFEE FIRST SOLD IN SEALED TIN CANS IN THE UNITED STATES?
In 1879 - by Chase & Sanborn.

 HOW MANY POUNDS PER DAY DOES A BABY BLUE WHALE GAIN DURING ITS FIRST SEVEN MONTHS OF LIFE?
At least 200 pounds. A baby whale - which is about 22 feet long at birth - grows 29 feet longer in its first seven months.

WHAT IS THE LARGEST ORGAN - BY WEIGHT?
The lungs. Together they weigh about 42 ounces. The right lung is two ounces heavier than the left, and the male's lungs are heavier than the female's.

WHAT IS THE BRAT DIET?
A diet of bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast that's often prescribed for infants with diarrhea.

WHICH HAS MORE CERVICAL VERTEBRAE - A MOUSE,  A MAN OR A GIRAFFE?
All have the same number, seven.

WHAT IS THE LARGEST LIVING INVERTEBRATE?
The giant squid, which achieves the length of more than 60 feet - tentacles included.

To Ponder:
From Life's Little Treasure Book, "On Things That Really Matter," by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. :
When you were born , you cried and the world rejoiced.  Live your life in such a manner that when you die the world cries and you rejoice --Old Indian Proverb

Remember that you can almost always improve your performance by improving your atitude.

Be bold and courageous.  When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.  "My-o-my,  isn't that the truth?")

I've learned that...
...pain is inevitable, misery is optional.  --Age 100

...There's no greater resource when you're a new mother than your mother.  --Age 29

...a happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
--Age 19
 
 

QUOTES:
"Self-trust is the essence of heroism."
      -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The person who knows "how" will always have a job. The person who knows "why" will always be his boss."
     --Diane Ravitch

"If you walk, just walk.  If you sit, just sit.  But whatever you do, don't wobble."
     --Anon.

There are two local politicos who need to understand this one.
"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."
     --Eric Hoffer


THIS WEEK'S CUTIES:

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.
He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back!  He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!!

7 things to do to when your ISP (KCnet) goes down
1. Dial 911 Immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

Bob Watson sent this bunch.
Following are accounts of actual exchanges(?) between airline and control towers from around the world:
The controller was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA  called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586.
We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first".
The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation!

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.

It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City. KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."
Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."
KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?" Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl): "Well ...I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though."

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact  Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure  ... by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot.  They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!"
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
Speedbird 206 (cooly): "Yes, in 1944. In another type of Boeing. I didn't stop."

From Gwen Hollenbach via Sue Foust
MARY POPPINS CHECKS IN
Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night.  She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.  "Certainly madam," he replied courteously.
"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.
"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night.  Would you care to select something from this menu?"
Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it.  "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary.
"Certainly, madam," he replied.  "And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary  politely.
The receptionist nodded and smiled.
"In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please," Mary mused.  After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.
The night passed uneventfully and the next morning Mary came down early to check out.  The same guy was still on the desk.
"Morning madam...sleep well?"
"Yes, thank you," Mary replied.
"Food to your liking?"
"Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better.   Shame about the eggs, though....they really weren't that nice at all," replied Mary truthfully.
"Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book.  We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist.
"OK, I will...thanks!"  replied Mary....who checked out, then scribbled a comment into the book.  Waving, she left to continue her journey.
Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written.
"Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!"
Sorry I just had to pass this one on.  mlf

I hope you enjoyed this communication and can attend one or more of the scheduled sessions.

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