SENIOR NET NEWSLETTER 11/05/2000
TUESDAY IS THE DAY TO MAKE YOUR STATEMENT!
When they took the fourth amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs. When they took the fifth amendment, I was quiet because I didn't own property. When they took the sixth amendment, I was quiet because I was innocent. When they took the second amendment, I was quiet because I didn't own a gun. Now they've taken the first amendment, and I can say nothing about it. By Dawn O'Laoghire
- Remember - You are not powerless! Your vote counts!
IF YOU ARE CONFUSED ABOUT THE ISSUES AND WHO STANDS FOR WHAT, GO TO THE SITES CATEGORY ON THIS PAGE AND ACCESS THE LIST OF ELECTION SITES.
THIS WEEK'S SCHEDULE: Monday 11/06/00 Monday evening Intermediates (first session of six sessions) The cost is $12.00 for the six sessions. Some topics to be addressed include: Basics of maneuvering about the Windows Operating System, copy/paste,drag/drop, editing, saving to various drives, right mouse button options, creating folders and files, uninstalling, deleting, advanced email and browser techniques involving bookmarks, address books, forwarding messages, attachments, and HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language). Dave Winkelman provides the leadership for this class. Beginner computer knowledge and beginner computer skills are necessary. A ton of info is packed into the six sessions. This course is designed for those who "think they know" and especially for those who "want to know" more.
Tuesday 11/14/00 @9:00 AM Tuesday morning Newbies (first of six sessions) This is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet. There is a $12.00 per course charge for this class. Class size is limited so participants should pre register. Skills taught in the beginner classes include mouse techniques like drag and drop, plus very beginner basics for email and browsing the Web. Dave Winkelman provides the leadership for this class. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it is very difficult to retain information without practice. You really would not try to learn to play the piano with out actual keyboard time.
Wednesday 11/08/00 @9:00 AM Wednesday morning group of Senior Net Learners: . This is an advanced group and we cover a lot of territory. We are kind of free flowing. You never know what will transpire. I think we will have a guest leader, Kerry Clausen, who will give yus a session on the Sony Mavica cameras. We will continue addressing Q&A from the group. New participants are always welcome. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it sure helps with the learning curve. Usually, Mike Foust, and anyone else who wants to jump into the fray, provide the leadership for this session. Intermediate computer knowledge and Intermediate computer skills are necessary.
Thursday 11/09/00 @ 9:00 AM Thursday morning Intermediates (fousth session of six sessions) Call KCnet to register. The cost is $12.00 for the six sessions. Some topics to be addressed include: Basics of maneuvering about the Windows Operating System, copy/paste, drag/drop, editing, saving to various drives, right mouse button options, creating folders and files, uninstalling, deleting, advanced email and browser techniques involving bookmarks, address books, forwarding messages, attachments, and HTML (Hyper Text Markup Language). Mike Foust provides the leadership for this class. Beginner computer knowledge and beginner computer skills are necessary. A ton of info is packed into the six sessions. This course is designed for those who "think they know" and especially for those who "want to know" more.
Thursday 11/09/00 @1:00 PM Thursday Afternoon Newbies (fifth session of six sessions) This class is a very basic course in computer techniques for the internet. There is a $12.00 per course charge for this class. Skills taught in the beginner classes include mouse techniques like drag and drop, plus very beginner basics for email and browsing the Web. Dave Winkleman provides the leadership for this class. It is not necessary for attendees to have their own computers but it is very difficult to retain information without practice. You really would not try to learn to play the piano with out actual keyboard time.
The Intermediate Group Course Content: We mess around with the desktop, rearrange icons, change backgrounds, create screen savers, learn to make shortcuts on the desktop, learn a bunch of ways to access the hard drive and discuss how our computers resemble a file cabinet in its organization. We learn a little bit about extensions like .gif, .wav, .mid, .txt, .doc, .jpeg, .exe, and dot de dot de dot... just to name a few. We discover what special programs are already installed on our computers to help us see these special extensions. We make folders and subfolders on the hard drive. We copy and paste files into these folders. We learn the difference between cut/paste and copy/paste. We learn how to copy/borrow graphic and midi files from the internet and save them to the new folders we make. Then we copy and paste files from floppies to the hard drive, we move files from the hard drive to a floppy disk. We take floppies home with graphics and midis on them to put on the hard drives to use with email. We investigate the difference between uninstall and delete for programs and files and when it is appropriate to do either. We learn how to do a "Thorough" Scandisk, Defrag. and Cleandisk. We become proficient with Bookmarks and Forwarding messages. The final week we will get into HTML in email. So look out because we will be terrorizing our friends with neat souped up emails. Yep!, we definitely learn enough to be verrrrry dangerous AND...WE HAVE FUN!!!.
OTHER SESSIONS MEETING AT KCNET: How to buy a new computer Gwen Hollenbach will lead a discussion on what to look for when you're buying a new computer. She'll acquaint you with sites on the Internet to purchase on-line and will give you some ideas about what you should buy after you determine what you want to do with the computer.. The class is Thursday evening, November 9, 5 - 6:30 PM. Also, remember there's another tax forgiveness period for buying computers in February.
Scanners and Scanning KCnet Technician John Bitner will lead a class in Scanners and Scanning, Wednesday, November 15, 5 - 7 PM. John will discuss different types of scanners, quality of output (dots per inch, DPI), and encourage the students to do some scanning during the class. Plan to bring photos or documents you'd like to scan and also a couple of floppy disks to take your work home. For more information, call the office at 893-8111 and ask for Dave or John. There is a fee for this workshop.
Web Page Creation KCnet Education Coordinator/Technician will lead a class for Beginners in Web Page Creation. This will be a two-session course, Wednesday November 22 and Wednesday November 29, 5-7 PM. Dave will demonstrate how to create and edit a basic web page using a web page editor, the one in Netscape Composer. Students will sit at a computer and actually create a web page. Seating is limited and advanced registration is required. There is a charge for the class. Students are encouraged to bring ideas, photos, and/or business cards to scan or copy, as well as floppy disks to take their work home.
MAC Users: This is an ongoing (no start or finish date) group of Apple Mac owners/users. The group meets every 1st Thursday each month from 4:30-6:30. Each session is $5.00. Clair Falls is the group leader.
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING: THANKS TO TIPWORLD FOR MOST OF THESE TIPS! DELETING MESSAGES WITHOUT OPENING THEM Last week in the Advanced Class we talked about the problem of deleting email messages which may launch a virus just by clicking on the message. Here is an opening method for deleting messages so that they do not appear in the message window. "One way to delete an email message, being assured that it will not be opened first, is to keep at least one more email message in your Inbox that you will later want to delete. While clicking on this other message, Ctrl-click on the message that you want to delete but do not want to open. Then press the Delete key or click on the Trash icon to send both messages to the Trash folder. Empty the Trash folder and the unopened/unwanted message is gone." This method is simple, effective, and one of many ways to reach the same goal.
PRINT FROM YOUR DESKTOP Need to print a file--fast? There are two ways to do it without manually opening the application in which it was created. One, right-click a document icon and select Print. Windows opens the file's native application and prints the file. Two, place a printer shortcut on your desktop. (Open My Computer, double-click the Printers folder, right-click and drag your printer icon out to the desktop, release the mouse button, and select Create Shortcut(s) Here.) Then, to print a document, drag and drop its icon on the printer icon. (Again, Windows will open the file's native application for you and then print the file.)
MODIFYING THE PERSONAL TOOLBAR A reader asks: "Some time ago, I dragged and dropped a few links to sites I frequent onto the bottom-most toolbar. But for the life of me, I cannot remember how I did it. Nor do I know how to delete them or other unused ones from that toolbar. Can you help?" The toolbar of which you speak is known as the Personal toolbar, a short list of frequently visited links; it's almost like a list of your absolute favorite bookmarks. It provides you with quick, single-click access to your most frequently visited sites in the form of a toolbar button. To use it, first determine that it's visible onscreen. Click View, Show, and make sure a check appears next to Personal Toolbar. To add to it, go to a link you visit often. Now, next to the Location box near the top of the screen you'll see a Bookmark icon. You can drag this icon to the Bookmarks button to add a bookmark, or drag it to the Personal toolbar to create a quick-launch button. Only the width of your screen limits the number of buttons you can have. To modify or delete the links these buttons provide, click Bookmarks, Edit Bookmarks. In the list of bookmarks in the Edit Bookmarks window, you'll see a new section called Personal Toolbar Folder, which provides all the links on the Personal toolbar as though they were bookmarks. In essence, they ARE bookmarks; you've just made them into buttons on your shiny new Personal toolbar.
SMART BROWSING QUIRKS A reader notes: "I have Netscape 4.72 and I can't figure out how to get it to let me type whatever lies between www. and .com to get to a Web page. Every time I type just plain NASCAR in the Open Page box, I get an error." The SmartBrowsing feature that controls this ability only works when you type the keyword in the Netsite box in your Netscape browser. First, make sure the box is visible. Click View, Show, and make sure you've checked the Location Bar. If you see a check there and you still can't see the Netsite box, you've collapsed it. Expand it by clicking the small horizontal bar under your menu. Once you've made the Location bar visible, you can type the keyword of your choice in the Netsite box and press Enter. Netscape will search for likely matches and present you with the best option. For NASCAR, Netscape would come up with www.NASCAR.com.
MORE NOTES ON CLIPBOARD VIEWER Recently, we ran a tip on the Clipboard Viewer, a handy little utility that allows you to look at what's on the clipboard before you paste its contents into a document. You can access the Clipboard Viewer by going to Start, Programs, Accessories, System Tools, Clipboard Viewer. A few readers wrote in to say that they couldn't find the Clipboard Viewer in the System Tools menu. It may not be installed on your computer, but it is available. Go to Start, Settings, Control Panel and open Add/Remove Programs. Click the Windows Setup tab, scroll down to System Tools, and double-click it. Make sure the Clipboard Viewer box is checked and then click OK. A reader named Idris also wrote to suggest putting a shortcut to Clipboard Viewer on the desktop, so you can get a quick look at the clipboard with a single click. To do this, go to Start, Programs, Accessories, System Tools, Clipboard Viewer. Then right-click the icon and choose Send To, Desktop (Create A Shortcut).
TURN OFF DELETE CONFIRMATION Do you find it a nuisance that every time you attempt to delete an item, you have to click Yes to confirm? If you don't need this safety net, turn it off. Right-click the Recycle Bin icon on your desktop and select Properties. In the resulting dialog box, deselect Display Delete Confirmation Dialog Box, and then click OK. The next time you delete an item, it goes directly to the Recycle Bin--no questions asked. Note: If the option Do Not Move Files To The Recycle Bin is selected inside the Recycle Bin Properties dialog box, the delete confirmation option will be grayed out. Windows thinks you should have at least one safety net.
FEEL AND CLICK By Robin Garr I'm not sure whether this is an idea whose time has come or an idea whose time never will, but Logitech's new iFeel Mouse is just too, well, different, for a gadget freak like me to pass up. "This mouse enhances your computing experience with gentle vibrations as you move around the Web and desktop," explains Logitech's Web site, http://www.logitech.com "Feel your way around the pull-down menus, dialog boxes and specific enhanced programs and games. No more issues with too small print or information clutter, now you can feel where your mouse goes." In other words, it's no longer "point and click" but "FEEL and click." Using a high-tech spin-off of flight technology called "haptics," this $39 pointing device literally senses window boundaries, Web site "frames," and desktop icons on your monitor screen and passes this information back to the mouse in the form of vibrations that you feel. Slide your cursor across a window edge, feel a bump; catch an icon, the mouse hesitates perceptibly as your cursor hits its edge, just as if it were caught against the edge of a slight rise on a three-dimensional surface. I'm sure it's going to be huge fun to play with this thing. I'm almost equally certain that it's the kind of new toy that, like background sounds and screen savers and a lot of other concepts that seemed cute at the time, I'll probably want to turn off and never use again after the first couple of days. But will I spend $39.95 to try one, anyway, when they hit computer and electronics stores shortly? It's going to be mighty hard not to.
USING STICKYKEYS ACCESSIBILITY OPTION Do you feel like you have to play finger-Twister to get all those fancy keyboard combinations to work? Windows offers an Accessibility option that makes the Ctrl, Alt, and Shift keys "stick." That way, you only have to press them one at a time. Open the Control Panel (Start, Settings, Control Panel), double-click Accessibility Options, and in the Keyboard section, select Use StickyKeys. Click the Settings button on the same line, and in the resulting dialog box, select Use Shortcut. Click OK twice, and you'll see three little black boxes in the tray of the Taskbar indicating that StickyKeys are on. Now to check out how sticky those keys really are: With one finger, press Ctrl, then Alt, then Delete. Up pops the End Task dialog box. To turn off StickyKeys, press the Shift key five times. To turn it back on, press Shift five times, then click OK to confirm.
INTERESTING SITES: Search engines and directories used to be so lame, or at least so limited in their knowledge of the Web that you could almost always start your searches with a meta-search site that brought together results from lots of engines and directories. Now, however, the best searchers are pretty thorough, so you don't need the the meta-life. Still, if your initial search comes up dry, try a meta-searcher such as TheBigHub.com that gathers from eight different search sites. www.thebighub.com
Search.com has a name that other sites must hunger for. Accuracy, however, would suggest that this site be called "meta-search.com," because it works through collecting the results of other search engines. Unlike most meta-searchers, though, it doesn't just stick to the big names such as AltaVista and Yahoo!. Search.com looks to specialized engines, choosing them for the particular topic you query. www.search.com
INSTANT MUSIC ALL OVER THE HOUSE By Robin Garr Speaking of downloading music from the Net , one of the greater disincentives to the everyday enjoyment of this technology, at least for me, has been that the computer is in my office, but more often than not, I want to listen to music in some other part of the house. But now comes an Illinois outfit called Akoo (no "gesundheit" jokes, please) with a new, fairly affordable accessory that could change all that. Akoo.com's trademarked Kima incorporates a "base unit" or transmitter that plugs into your computer's audio card and sends a digital signal over the airwaves to a "remote unit" or receiver that may be as far as 1,000 feet away from the computer. The remote, in turn, passes the signal along to your radio or stereo system, which plays it just as if it were an incoming radio station. The paired units, vaguely igloo-shaped items in modern silver and black, appear to be highly portable (eight ounces each), and the set sells for $150. They're available online from the maker. I haven't test-driven one yet, but if they come up with a version that will transmit DVDs from my computer in the office to the TV in our bedroom, I'm there. www.akoo.com
A GOOD TIME SITE thanks to John Laubscher. If you are having trouble figuring what time it is since we changed the clocks last week, well this one's for you. tycho.usno.navy.mil/time.html
THIS SITE MAY BE USEFUL FOR SONS OR DAUGHTERS. Recommended Software Recommended Software for Use in Out-of-School Learning Programs In the YDC Pilot, the Morino Institute sought the advice of experts and researched a number of different software options for use in out-of-school learning programs. The software programs used in the YDC Pilot (listed below) were selected for the following reasons: The applications support the inquiry-based learning approach that was one focus of the YDC Pilot NLC children's programs. These applications allow users to produce, manipulate, publish and exchange original visual, text and audio content, as opposed to emphasizing the practice of rote skills or the absorption of predeveloped content. The applications support multiple-purpose use. Both beginning and advanced students can use them for simple or complex work tasks. The applications are network-capable; that is, they will operate over a network and allow users to import and export files across the network. In developing proficiency with these applications, children and staff will be learning marketable and widely applicable software skills. Three of the six applications are in common use by professionals worldwide, and one is a scaled-down version of a professional-grade application. The applications are made by established companies that provide reliable customer support. www.youthlearn.org/techno/software.cfm
VIRUS HOAX CHECKER Interspersed among the junk mail and spam that fills our Internet e-mail boxes are dire warnings about devastating new viruses, Trojans that eat the heart out of your system, and malicious software that can steal the computer right off your desk. Added to that are messages about free money, children in trouble, and other items designed to grab you and get you to forward the message to everyone you know. Most all of these messages are hoaxes or chain letters. While hoaxes do not automatically infect systems like a virus or Trojan, they are still time consuming and costly to remove from all the systems where they exist. At CIAC, we find that we spend much more time de-bunking hoaxes than handling real virus and Trojan incidents. These pages describe some of the warnings, offers, and pleas for help that are filling our mailboxes, clogging our mailservers, and that generally do not have any basis in fact. hoaxbusters.ciac.org/
VOTING??!! HOPE SO!! MIND NOT SET?? CHECK THESE OUT!! www.voter.com/home/0,1126,2--,00.html www.voter.com/home/state/PA/0,1414,2--,00.html www.voter.com/home/search/1,1453,2-7-,00.html www.dnet.org/ www.grassroots.com/ www.democrats.org/index.html www.rnc.org/ www.reform-party-usa.org/ www.greenparty.org/ www.lp.org/ www.vote-smart.org/organizations/POLITICAL_PARTIES/ www.lwv.org/ congress.nw.dc.us/cgi-bin/election.pl?dir=tc
DIDJA KNOW?: Why is something that's messy said to be in a shambles? I first learned this word from my mother, who persistently described the condition of my room in this way when I was a slovenly-and-proud-of-it 12-year-old. Little did she know that she was improving my vocabulary along with my character. Shambles originates in the Latin word for bench, scamnum. By the Middle Ages it had evolved into the English word shamble and was used to describe the board on a trestle that butchers used to cut and display meat. Eventually, in its plural form, shambles, it described a meat market or slaughterhouse. The word shambles in its modern sense, of disorder, comes from the scene in a market or slaughterhouse: carcasses and body parts strewn around. In other words, literally, a bloody mess. Source: A BROWSER'S DICTONARY by John Ciardi
Who determines that an egg is a Jumbo egg? Does the farmer look at one and say, "boy, that's a jumbo egg you got there." Actually, there is an official egg "measuring" system that is used in the grocery store. Eggs are measured by the weight of a dozen eggs. So, here's the system: Jumbo: 30 oz. Extra-Large: 27 oz Large: 24 oz Medium: 21 oz Small: 18 oz Now you can buy in confidence.
THE HAT TRICK No, not the rabbit thing. When someone scores three goals in a game (such as soccer) it is called a hat trick. Why oh why? The term comes from English cricket. In cricket it is a tremendous feat for a bowler to take three wickets on successive balls. The reward for this at many cricket clubs was a new hat. Other clubs honored their heroes by passing a hat around the fans and giving the scorer the proceeds.
Who built Stonehenge, and when? Would you believe it was the Rolling Stones? I didn't think so. Then again the Druids, who are often credited with the feat, have a name that also sounds, appropriately, like that of a rock group. The Druids, ancient Celtic priests who performed human sacrifices, may have used Stonehenge for their rituals, but there's no evidence that they built it. In fact, we don't know for sure who did. The huge stone monoliths, possibly an ancient astronomical calendar, are on Salisbury Plain in Wiltshire, England. The stones themselves were transported from Wales, 300 miles away and, about 2000 B.C., placed amidst a series of ditches and pits dug as many as a thousand years earlier. (Source: THE WORLD BOOK ENCYCLOPEDIA and JUST CURIOUS, JEEVES by Jack Mingo and Erin Barrett FAST FACTS:
DON'T COUNT YOUR RATTLES WITH BIFOCALS! It is a common belief that it's possible to determine the age of a rattlesnake by closely examining the number of "rattles" at the end of its slithery body, just as one can date a tree by counting its "rings." This is a myth. The snake does create more rattles when it sheds its skin. But that shedding happens more often than once a year. Besides, if you try to figure out how many birthdays this lethal little thing has had by closely examining it, you may not have any more yourself. Source: DICTIONARY OF MISINFORMATION
HOW LONG IS A COSMIC YEAR? A cosmic year is the length of time it takes the sun to complete one revolution around the center of the Milky Way galaxy - about 225 million earth years. The sun is between 20 and 21 cosmic years old.
HOW MANY PRESIDENTS HAVE BEEN ASSASSINATED? Four. Abraham Lincoln in 1865, James A. Garfield in 1881, William McKinley in 1901, and John F. Kennedy in 1963.
CAN A PERSON WITH LONG-TERM CONSTIPATION BE POISONED BY HIS OWN WASTE? No. There are several cases on record in which fecal material has been stored in the bowels for over a year without causing any ill effects - aside from the discomfort of carrying around an extra 60 to 100 pounds of weight.
WHAT WAS THE FIRST MONOPOLY IN THE UNITED STATES? It is considered to have been John Jacob Astor's American Fur Company, which made him the wealthiest person in the United States and allowed him to found the Astor Library, one of the cornerstones of the New York Public Library.
A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME IS A PIG! One of history's most famous conflicts is the series of struggles in England known as The War of the Roses, fought from 1455 to 1487 between the houses of Lancaster and York. But although roses sometimes figured in the symbols used by each side, they weren't used exclusively. In fact, the most well known symbol of any of the participants was Richard III's white boar. So the next time you hear someone refer to the "War of the Roses," you can sagely remark, "You mean The War of the Pig?" Then add in your most condescending tone, "A rose by any other name would smell..." Source: THE NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY BOOK OF POPULAR AMERICANA
HOW HOT IS THE SUN? At its surface, the sun is about 7,640 degrees Fahrenheit. In the sun's interior, temperatures can range above 18 million degrees Fahrenheit.
WHAT MAKES A WAVE BREAK? It occurs when the water that supports a wave is only about 1.3 times as deep as the wave high. At that point, the water at the crest is moving faster than the water below. This condition commonly occurs in the shallow water at the shore, but it may occur farther off if the wave is high enough.
WHAT ARE SHOOTING STARS? They are not stars but meteorites - particles from space entering and burning up in the earth's atmosphere.
HOW DOES QUICKSAND WORK? Not by pulling you down. Quicksand is nearly always found above a spring, which creates a supersaturated condition that makes the sand frictionless and unable to support weight. In addition, quicksand is airless, which creates suction as you struggle to get free. The most effective way to escape quicksand is to position yourself on top of it and "roll" out.
QUOTES: There is no data on the future. --Laurel Cutler
"When you can't solve the problem, manage it." --Dr. Robert H. Schuller
"Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat." --Harry Emerson Fosdick
"Never in this world can hatred be stilled by hatred; it will be stilled only by non-hatred-this is the law Eternal." --Buddha
"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant." --Socrates
"Opportunities multiply as they are seized; they die when neglected. Life is a long line of opportunities." --John Wicker
"Every new adjustment is a crisis in self-esteem." --Eric Hoffer
"The prizes go to those who meet emergencies successfully. And the way to meet emergencies is to do each daily task the best we can." --William Feather
"All that is necessary is to accept the unacceptable, do without the indispensable, and bear the unbearable." --Kathleen Norris
THIS WEEK'S CUTIES: Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there is owned by the head of Goldman,Sachs. And look at that huge yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," his friend said. "Are there any customers' yachts?"
Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, 'Vote Democratic.'" His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesn't cost me a nickel. I don't give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, 'Vote Democratic.'"
Thanks to John Laubscher. An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put. Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked, "What the heck is going on?" The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, "I think I just beat the POOP out of a ghost."
Pushing a cart down a supermarket aisle, a man passed a woman whose cart carried a four-year-old girl. As he walked by, he heard the mother saying, "Take it easy, Natasha. It won't be long. We have only three more items to buy." A few minutes later, he passed the same woman in another aisle. As the little girl looked at the items on the shelves, the woman crooned in a soothing voice, "It's okay, Natasha. We're almost finished. Nothing to get upset about, Tasha dear. We'll be outside in no time at all." When the man reached the checkout counter, the woman was paying for her groceries. "Excuse me," he said. "I'd like to compliment you on the way you kept your daughter calm while you did your shopping. I overheard some of the soothing things you were saying to Natasha here to keep her from getting upset." The woman looked puzzled for a few seconds, then laughed. "You've got it all wrong," she said. "My daughter's name is Kate. I'm Natasha."
Thanks to Harold Pepperman vis Bud Casselberry. LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ---The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles. ---Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you.The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there. ---Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. ---The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma. ---American car horns beep in the tone of F. ---No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times. ---Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. ---1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television. ---You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. ---Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older. ---The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum. ---The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache. ---A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight. ---American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class. ---Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. ---The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA." ---Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. ---The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had. ---The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. ---Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin. ---The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer. ---Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. ---Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser. ---Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. ---Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor. ---All US Presidents have worn glasses.Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public. ---Walt Disney was afraid of mice. ---The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly. ---Debra Winger was the voice of E.T. ---Pearls melt in vinegar. ---It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs. ---The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. ---It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. ---Average life span of a major league baseball: seven pitches. ---A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why. ---The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
This one also thanks to Harold Pepperman. Two Women waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first woman asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful," says the first woman. "How does it feel to freeze to death? "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second woman. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?" "I had a heart attack," says the first woman."You see, I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone, watching TV. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second woman shakes her head. "That's so ironic," she says. "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
Thanks to Judy Garner via Bud Casselberry. Subject: Christmas Party Date: Fri, 22 Sep 2000 09:49:11 -0700 FROM: Ms.Pat Smith, Human Resources Director TO: Everyone RE: Christmas Party DATE: December 1 I'm happy to inform you that the office Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit > Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our General Manager shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director DATE: December 2 RE: Christmas Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?
FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director DATE: December 3 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,"AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director DATE: December 7 RE: Holiday Party What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and intimacy during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party, or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss anything?
FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director DATE: December 8 RE: Holiday Party So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess worshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.Okay???
FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director DATE: December 9 RE: Holiday Party People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our principal dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or > family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?
FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director DATE: December 10 RE: Holiday Party Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your#$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes...but you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them scream right now!
FROM: Karen Jones, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: December 14 RE:Ms. Pat Smith and Holiday Party > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Smith a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
The next four are timely. Taxes - Politicians - and Death
Statesman: A politician who never got caught.
The major difference between death and taxes is that Congress can't make death any worse than it is.
"When I was young," the woman said, "I used to worry about where my taxes were going. Now, I worry about where they're coming from."
A Washington reporter was awakened by her husband in the middle of the night. "I think there's a thief in the house," he said. "No doubt," she said sleepily. "And there are a handful in the Senate, too."
OK! That's a Wrap. See ya next week! I hope you enjoyed this communication and can attend one or more of the sessions scheduled for this week.